Is it just me?

Question

I tend to worry about my husband a whole lot. Even though I trust him, I wonder what kind of influence other people can be on him. Afterall, I know that he is easily influenced. I worry that he can't stick to his guns when he should. Not only is he a husband, but a father. He is away on work and they stopped over in VA Beach for a couple of days. I couldn't get hold of him until after midnight last night. The other two men with him, one is newly married and one is single. I feel like they may have hit up a strip bar or something last night, which is totally off limits in our marriage. He knows this, but when two others want to go, what do you do? He would go along and blame them. So anyways, I asked what he did last night, and jokingly threw in "a strip bar?" and he changed the subject after saying no. It's not like he would tell me yes, they did. Now I am left to wonder if he did. So he is going to be away for 4 months now and I just feel uneasy about it.

QUESTION:

Is it just me or does anyone else worry about what kind of influence other people have on your significant other? Even though you trust them, there is something deep down that makes you uneasy?

As for the strip club, I have been to one with him and it sickened me. I can give him everything they can, and he should not be gawking at other women when he has one at home. It would just be nice to know that he can actually stand up for his marriage and family by saying no, even though he would stand out. So what, he loves his wife? As for him, he says he don't see a problem with strip bars, so that makes me feel as if he would not say no. And he would not tell me, because he knows how i feel.

Answer 1

I don't worry because I purposely chose a relationship where I know I could trust the other person to behave and be responsible for their actions.

It seems like you situation is destined for failure. Your husband does not have enough willpower and you are too demanding. Mistakes are nearly inevitable.

Answer 2

Sweetie, he is a grown man, and if you feel like you can't trust him, then he will stop trying to earn your trust and just forget about it. If he is a good husband and father in every other way, you need to step back and trust that he will do the right thing in every situation when you're not around. You can't treat him like you're his mother or someone else he needs to answer to or he really will flip out. Also, not to question your principles or whatever, but so what if he did go to a strip club? You think he's going to forget about his commitment to his wife and kids after a few hours of watching a couple of naked skanks on a pole? Please. Infrequent strip club outings should be your biggest worry. Treat him like the grown man he is, and he will surprise you with just how trustworthy he can be. On the other hand, if you hold him too tight and act like a mother hen, he will subconsciously rebel on purpose and go see some strippers (or worse) every chance he can get.

Answer 3

Do you love him? Then why the trust issue? Let's just say for argument sake that he did go to a strip bar...you don't approve because you have probably never been to one. They are not places where people are having sex everywhere (but I'm sure there are some places like that) it is a place of entertainment and guys like to fantasize about other women. That doesn't mean he will act on it. If you are that insecure then follow him next time!!! That will surely build your marriage.

Answer 4

you can worry yourself stupid and set limits and rules that you know he'll break, you can force yourself to be unhappy even in the best of situations.. but you both are people and if he loves his family and provides for them the way a husband should ... what is the problem.. sounds like you are really insecure and he needs to tell you more that he loves you.. just hold you and comfort you with those words would probably work wonders.

If you continue to search for problems you'll find problems, search for good and you'll find good.
You want it your way or no way... I bet you're a real treat to live with

Set him free, god knows he's going to leave anyway with the pressure.. Yeah you have what the strippers have.. he's not looking at you as a stripper, you're his wife... you insecure little twit.
I wouldn't tell you either , but then we would never be married in the first place. poor guy, I bet you're going to cause a scene tonight aren't you.

Answer 5

I don't worry too much about other people. People are responsible for their own actions and choices. I actually worry about the effects of alcohol on the decision making process.

Answer 6

Insecurity such as yours is a form of mental illness, it not only makes you miserable ,but those around you as well.

Have you not learned you can't control the actions of others?
You either trust him, or you don't . But for Christs sake, don't fret and obsess over it.

Answer 7

Tell your mind to stop it. Put an end to this right away. I used to be this way and it got me into so much trouble. I went into therapy and medication to balance me out. Next time your mind sends you visions of things that are not happening---- ignore it.

Answer 8

Stop worrying. It will only cause you grief in the end and you'll drive yourself crazy.

Answer 9

Oh for pete's sake you are not his mother. You either trust him or you don't. Don't make trouble where there isn't any.

Answer 10

DON'T FIX IT IF IT AIN'T BROKE!