No grief over death?

Question

I don't tend to feel grief over death. I've never had anyone close to me die- they've all been acquaintances or close to another member of my family. But I find it really hard to sympathize, which is odd because I constantly over-empathize in every other aspect. I feel guilty for not feeling sad over losing someone, but it doesn't change anything. Am I not normal? And why would this happen? Please no "you're a jerk" answers.

I can understand not grieving until you lose someone close. But I hae trouble even sympathizing with someone who has lost a close person. For example, at my church, a man died in a car crash. His wife was pregnant, and they had three other children, the oldest being 14. But even thinking about their situation, I have the brief thoughts of, "Oh, that's sad". But that fades so fast it's like I didn't feel anything. And I will cry over movies and books, but not over those left living, or the person who died. Am I just callous, then?

Answer 1

Well obviously there is no way you can truly empathise with someone who has lost someone close to them until you experience this yourself.
It won't be anything like you imagined it to be and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy - but unfortunately death is a fact of life just as birth is and it will eventually touch you unless of course you die before your loved ones.
It is one of those things that you think cannot happen to you and when it does, you are completely shattered.

Answer 2

My situation is almost like your's. When my non-blood related aunt's mother died, I wasn't that upset. When my grandfather died, I wasn't that upset. When my aunt died, I felt awful. The reason why I felt awful is because the last time I saw her she was really sad and the thought of her dying lonely absolutely killed me. I guess I find it hard to sympathize if the person who dies didn't touch me in some way.

But like you said, I over-emphathize over everything else. Don't know why I'm this way but sometimes I feel guilty that I care about smaller things as opposed to bigger things like death.

Answer 3

sorry to hear you feel so weird:( as long as i can remember i was the one who never cried- when i was a child 1st gramdma, then gramdpa, i remember thinking so many folks so sad i wanted to be the one to be strong and help them feel better, then my father, oh boy did my mom ever cry-i really felt like i should be strong then ( i was 11 by then), next my bird, then my dog, i finally cried, bit only until my mom got home from the vet then she was crying. finally on father's day in the early 90's my son was giving his father's day gift to my husband and the flood gates burst I MISSED MY DAD! well our kids really appreciated their dad that year. any way you are not a freak you just deal different than other folks. my oldest son passed away in Feb 2007 - I am still a wreck-hardly a day goes by that i don't shead a tear or 3, he was only 30 yrs old and i miss him more than words can say. maybe some where down the line you'll feel relaxed or comfortable enough to let it out. in the mean time - No worries be happy:) you are unique

Answer 4

Not everyone finds death to be a grief causing event. Your lack of sympathy may be because you haven't had it hit someone close to you. Instead of feeling guilt for something you don't feel, just be supportive of those who are feeling it. You can still be sympathetic and you don't have to advertise or go on and on to anybody how you aren't feeling the same pain.

Answer 5

You're normal. When you cry over movies you are seeing all of the emotions and the reasons for them--you understand. In real life you just see the grief.

Answer 6

I think you are lucky to never have experienced true grief over a death of someone. Until someone who is dear and near to you die, you may not be able to relate to that emotion.

Answer 7

Actually,. I empathize with you are share your feelings. I have wondered if there is something abnormal with me , and I have labeled myself a misanthropist. I am in an emotional void when it comes to grieving. At least I know now that there are at least two of us out there.

Answer 8

You obviously have feelings, but you have just learned to channel them in more controllable ways.

I would guess that you are something of a loner and like the feeling of being in control of your own life.

We are not born with an instruction booklet included.

Answer 9

What is "normal"? "Normal" in the eyes of whom?
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Maybe, it's because you've never lost anyone you're very close to.. yet. Heh, we all go through this someday. But the answer could also lie in "What does death/life means to you"?

Answer 10

feeling grief has to do with feeling loss ... if are not losing anyone, there is no reason for you to feel true grief ... if you have never lost someone, it is almost impossible to empathize, empathy has to do with knowing and understanding the other person's pain ... feeling bad for the other person's pain (who HAS lost someone they care about) is not grief, it is just caring about their feelings even though you don't feel those feelings yourself (ie - sympathy) ...