Cheating on her Husband?

Question

A former friend of mine has been cheating on her husband for the past 6 years. Her husband works out of town and I've seen her with different men and even brings her men to her home. If you were in my shoes, would you tell her husband? Her husband is a great guy and he don't deserve to be treated like this. I don't think he has any idea about his wife's agenda.

Answer 1

Lots of people will say stay out of it... but I also believe that if you see something that you think is wrong and do nothing to stop it, then you too are guilty. If I were in his shoes, I would want to know. Tough call.

Answer 2

I think the key word here is former friend. Why is she your former friend? I think now that your upset with her for whatever reason you want to rat her out when you were probably right there with her when she was your friend hooking her up with men. And you are only assuming that her husband is a "good guy" I agree that cheating is never a good thing and all parties in involved end up getting hurt but the is is not your battle to fight it is hers. She is missing something in her life and you (nor her husband) can feel that void. She needs some professional help (maybe) or maybe a divorce. This is her battle and now that your no longer friends she needs to figure her own way out of this war.

Answer 3

Former friend? That means it's no longer your business...not that it ever was. Maybe if the husband was your friend as well (and by God I really hope he is), I would say go for it, but right now you don't really have a right to try and tussle Their marriage, even if it's for a good reason. (And I have to say, if with your limited knowledge of their marriage, of knowing only what you see and saw (plus having no knowledge of the husband's actions in the marriage), if you are actually right and the husband does have no clue of the cheating, then I'm inclined to think maybe he doesn't even Want to know). Sorry.
But someone else here got this right: you do not have to be involved with your friend while she is doing this. If she's still your friend (and it sounds like she isn't), you should refuse to hang out with her if any of these men will be there. And if she's still your friend, you can of course try to set her straight through your influence as a friend. Good luck, God bless, and kudos for trying to look out for the husband.

Answer 4

There are two approaches I think you could take. Stay out of it, I call this the "bury your head in the sand and hope it all goes away because you are too scared of confrontation approach." Then there would be the more pro-active approach. Talk to your friend first and ask her what she is doing. When you get her perspective you need to reevaluate the situation as to whether you should go to her husband. Maybe her husband knows what's going on. Maybe their relationship despite appearances is barely hanging on by a thread.

Whatever the case, I would be wary about being friends with the kind of person that is unscrupulous about cheating on her husband for 6 years. Part of your response may be drawing the line and ending your friendship, part of it may be telling the husband.

Think about this too... courts seem to be punitive, or at least unsympathetic to men when it comes to divorce proceedings. And the longer he is in the dark about this, assuming he would divorce when he finds out, the longer he is on the hook for alimony, regardless that the divorce was because SHE broke the wedding vows. God forbid he is in a state like Cali where after 10 years, alimony is potentially forever. It seems cruel and unusual to make a husband pay for his wife's transgressions.

I hope you make a good decision to validate nice guys like myself who find it harder and harder to stay nice when we hear constant stories like this or experience it ourselves.

Answer 5

I have to say that I think the whole "Mind Your Own Business" attitude is akin to walking passed someone who has fallen over on the sidewalk / pavement. If you care about these people and you feel you ought to act then you should. The best way might be to approach your former friend and talk to them about it in a loving and caring way - rather than an attack on her integrity. Let them know you think they should bring it up. She may well just tell you to get lost...
No one really deserves to be treated like that. If you can't resolve an issue with counselling or help then you should leave that person, surely?

Answer 6

tell hubby.... he sounds like the one you'd rather have as a friend anyways... wife sounds a bit sketchy. tell hubby... but have proof, some men won't even listen to you without actually seeing what you're talking about.
It is a big deal, most likely will end in an expensive divorce for them, years of heartache etc.. Im just asking, are you ready to be blamed by the wife when you do tell hubby? If you are not, then do it anonymously.. somehow. obtain proof and send it via an email, or letter. snap a pic, do some surveillance work, get a video of his wife cheating or even just walking hand in hand with another man.. send it to him.. anonymous works perfectly for everyone involved!

Answer 7

Let him know, anonymously (like in a letter), that you are a close friend and that you have seen his wife cheat on him on several occasions (name the guys if you know who they are). If you have evidence, or can obtain it easily, get it to him so he can prepare for a divorce in his favor. Do not let this keep going.

Edit: People are saying that he probably knows btw. That's not necessarily the case. He may not. If you let him know and he didn't know about it, then great. If he did know and was in denial, then nothing will change. This became your business btw, when his wife made it plain as day that she was cheating on him. Don't let her make a fool of him and everyone else who is married.

Answer 8

If you really want to do the right thing ... tell him
If you want to stand by your friend.... don't tell him
Ask yourself would she tell on you
If he has no iea maybe he is blissfully happy?
Personally, I wouldn't tell. firstly because it isn't my business to get involved, and although my best friend wouldnt do anything like this, I couldnt break her trust like that she is one of the most important people in my life.
hat you are seeing happening happens to thousands of couples all over the world.
If you tell him, he will be heartbroken, she will be hearbroken, you will lose a friend, and he will probably be mad you didn't tell him sooner.
Sometimes its better to remember the old fashioned "what the eye doesn't see, the heart doesn't grieve over" because its so true.
Maybe talk to your friend, her husband can't be that good a guy if she's sleeping with all the other men in town, either that or she's not happy...find out which.
I understand how hard this is for you. Prioritise the things in your life.
I wish you the very best of luck sweetheart.

Answer 9

No, I would not tell on her, gossip is never a good thing. He will find out one way or another if it is going on. I think you need to stay out of it. If you feel you need to do something you can try talking to her. Do you know what's going on for sure? I'm not that naive but just seeing someone with different men and having men at your home isn't exactly complete proof... it's strong circumstantial evidence for sure but not proof. Perhaps you should talk to her about it and see what's up. If she admits to it them maybe you can try to get her to see what she's doing and change her ways. Good luck.

Answer 10

wow thats a hard one to answer. But you may not know all the details. Maybe he cheats too if he is always out of town.
I had this happen to a couple I knew. The husband worked out of town and had his flings and the wife knew it, so while he was out of town she had her flings to get back at him. Now 2 wrongs dont make a right but it happens