me and my bf really, really want a baby... we've talked about it for months, thought everything through and have decided that we're ready. The only thing stopping me is that i know my mum will dislike it if i was to fall pregnant i've mentioned it to her alot lately and sh has expressed that she doesn't like the idea. i don't want to dissapoint her but i also don't want to dissapoint my boyf as he really has his hopes up about having a baby together!
If i was to become pregnant, how should i deal with telling my parents?
i'm 19 years old, my boyf is 22. i'm a uni student and attend uni 1 full day and 2 afternoons a week.
2007-09-18 03:46:14 · 32 answers · asked by cassy 3 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
I would wait a little longer, you are only 19 and you have plenty of years to think about having children, you should be having a good time and enjoying being young
2007-09-18 03:52:23 · answer #1 · answered by Kelly B 4 · 5⤊ 1⤋
Ok, please don't take my answer as being judgemental - just giving my honest opinion from experience.
Several of my friends got pregnant and had children whilst we were at uni. None of them are still with the father of the child now, a few years later. When you are at uni you're living a particular kind of lifestyle, you meet loads of different people, you have lots of exciting new experiences and you change a lot during those years. When you finish uni your life changes completely; you have to go out into the real world, pay hefty taxes and pay your way without the help of your student loans etc. It is really hard in comparison to uni life, and with a child it would be even harder. All these changes in the space of a few years also mean that relationships don't always stand the test of time - not because you don't care about each but because you change so much when your life is changing around you, that people very often drift apart. It would be much more sensible to wait and see if your relationship can stand the test of time before committing to having a child.
I'm currently pregnant for the first time, and I can tell you it can be hard work! What with the morning sickness and exhaustion, and the emotional side of things too, I know that there is no way I could have completed my degree feeling the way I do right now. A degree is hard enough work as it is (particularly your final year) and trying to cope with both a pregnancy and then a newborn baby would seriously make your studies difficult, if not impossible.
Please just think this through a bit more. It might seem a great idea at the time, but the commitment is so big you shouldn't really be making it whilst trying to do a degree at the same time. You don't have a stable home and income at the moment to offer the baby, or the commitment of marriage, which although some people may think is old-fashioned, really should come first. (But that's just my opinion!) Also, at 19 you may be a little too young to be making such a decision - I know that at 19 I certainly was, though I didn't necessarily feel it at the time.
I'm sure your mum knows all this and is just trying to make sure you do the best thing for you.
Sorry for the essay - hope what I'm saying makes sense to you.
2007-09-18 05:04:44 · answer #2 · answered by violabird1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes, you are an adult now and the final desion must be yours..... but think very carefully ... the bf you love sooo much now might not stick around when the little hand granade they call a baby bombs into your lives! will he really stick around when the sleepless nights and endless screamin start?? and it dosent get any easier as they get older! I had my eldest at 23 and I have to say as much as I love him, if I knew then what I know now I would have waited a lot longer!
Dont get me wrong being a mum can be the best job in the world .... but it is bloody hard work and its a 24 hr a day 7 day a week job you never ever switch off and even when they start school and you get some freedom back you never stop thinking about them! Its soooo much easier to go to uni or work then come home and compleatly switch off or just chill with your mates. Be 110% sure its what you want cos once that bundle is here there is no going back and your life will never be the same again!! Good luck !
2007-09-18 09:14:01 · answer #3 · answered by gert 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i'm 20 and i wouldnt dream of having a baby at the moment, there are way to many things i want to do that i couldnt do with a baby, like do well in college and get my degree, go to australia for a year, a lifetime is a long time, and at 19 are you really ready to make such a life changing decision.
I dont think you are, cos even though you asked how should you deal with your parents the way you've asked the question suggests you are looking for some other assurances. It is such a big step, have you considered marriage or anything like that. Can you really offer your baby the life it deserves by getting pregnant by choice while you are still in college?
You're parents will deal with it if you do become pregnant but the fact that you are so worried about what your parents might think or disapointing your boyfriend really points to the big elephant here, you're not ready.
2007-09-18 03:57:49 · answer #4 · answered by mags_dbee 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
darlin at the end of the day if your ready your ready !!
my partner is a full time student at uni and works a few hours part time i attend uni 2 evenings a week and work full time ...
i am 19 years old and was due with my baby girl on the 14th of this month... she's running a little late :) lol
we have our own place our own car and in a good financial state to provide for our daughter so providing you can do the same i would go for it ....
you make it clear you think your parents would be dissapointed but hunni you gotta realise they proberly still see you as theyre baby im sure once you came out and told them you was pregnant things would be different when they see that little bubba up on the big screen and when they see ur tummy twitching with little kicks they will fall in love !! trust me mine did and now they cant imagine life without her and she isnt even here yet !!!
when it comes to telling them, i would wait till you reach the 12 week mark as this is classed as the safe zone from miscarriage etc and you get a scan at this point
you could then perhaps have your parents round for dinner and do it as a family united with your boyfriend and show them the scan and explain to them how much this means to you ... once they see your happiness and your maturity im sure they will be overjoyed for you
the only thing would be is if you still live with your parents ...
that may be slightly disrespectfull to them as its their home but if not and you have your own place you can make your own choices
i can honestly hand on heart say this pregnancy is the best thing to ever of happend to me and i cant wait to be a young mum and have all the energy to run around after a cheeky toddler and then be able to understand her and have the heart to hearts with an emotional teenager as she grows up
19 is not too young at all explain your decision to your parents as you have to us you sound so mature to have thought this through and your partner and you have come to the decision together you both feel its right and thats whats important you have given it alot of thought and its what you both want you feel you are ready...
its your life not your parents id just go for it pregnancy is the most amazing thing any woman can go through
good luck xxxxxx
oh and btw stuff all these people sayin ohh you should be getting married you should be engaged my parents met at high school and had me at 19 both have top careers and are not even engaed let alone married !! if you want this you go for it !! and you cant do this if your at uni .... were coping great !! yes my daughter isnt here yet but if you make it work it does !! they say to you you will lose your career what bollocks ... the people who are saying that to you have no idea what determination is !!
2007-09-18 05:51:46 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you could wait until your course is finished- having a baby is exhausting and expensive. But at the same time I don;t think you should put it off jsust because it's what your mum wants (although I expect she has your best interests firmly at hear). Maybe leave it for a set time period (maybe 6months) and then reassess how you feel, if you still want a baby that badly then go for it. In the mean time talk to parents about how having a child will really affect your life. I'm going to stand against those that say you need to get married- it's just not right for some and a child is a FAR greater commitment than marriage nowadays.
2007-09-18 03:56:41 · answer #6 · answered by emily_jane2379 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Are you still living with your parents, and would you and your boyfriend be able to provide for the baby? Technically you are an adult and old enough to make this decision on your own without your parents being involved. But my advise would be to wait until you finish your schooling, you both have jobs and you can provide a stable home for a child. It will be hard to have a baby and go to school (not impossible, just more difficult) and you and your boyfriend will most likely have better jobs after you complete your schooling. If you really love each other, there is no reason why you couldn't wait a few years to start your family.
2007-09-18 03:59:00 · answer #7 · answered by kat 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The whole idea sounds crazy. First and foremost, there should be marriage before childbearing. If you and your bf are completely submerged in the pool of love, then you should get married first and have children thereafter. It's decent and the children will respect you for that when they grow up. Secondly, why should a 19-year old college student contemplate getting pregnant. Taking care of a baby is a very tasking business which is bound to take a heavy toll on your academic work. Sit up girl, it's like you are not thinking straight as what you are contemplating will not only break your parent's hearts, it will put your academic work and career prospects in jeopardy.
2007-09-18 04:38:46 · answer #8 · answered by TT 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Well you are still pretty young for having a baby (which is probably what is your moms problem) but if you feel that you are ready I would definately make sure you are prepared first cause its expensive!! Not just that but its ALOT of work. I think if you were to get pregnant your mother might be disappointed at first but throughout the pregnancy she will grow to be super excited. The only way to really deal with telling them would be just be honest. There really is no other way to handle it. Again I would think about this long and hard first! good luck
2007-09-18 03:56:01 · answer #9 · answered by Sherie D 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
your mum is probably thinking of how much she would like you to finish uni,and get a good career going.think of it this way.would you rather have a baby now,and juggle studying with sleepless nights,little cash,etc. or would you rather wait a couple of years when you will have completed all that,and got a good degree under your belt??. there really is no rush to have a baby,and it would really benefit you to hold off for a few years. but as you are legally an adult,you can do what you want,and if you feel able to cope with a baby now,then it really is your choice. why not sit dow with your mum and ask her of her feelings on this,after a good chat you may both come to some good conclusions!
2007-09-18 03:58:54 · answer #10 · answered by scorpio_queen_2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just out of curiosity, why wouldn't you want to get married first? That may convince your mother that you're responsible, and mature enough to have a baby. The issue may not be so much that she doesn't want you to have a baby, maybe she just wants a guarantee that if something happened between you and your boyfriend, that he wouldn't just walk away, and leave you and the baby- and ultimately, you'd end up living with your mother. I know you think that your boyfriend wouldn't do that- but wasn't he just texting a 15 yr. old just a few weeks ago? I understand you're an adult, and ready to be a mom, just make sure that it's really what you want (and can afford), especially around school. Good luck with whatever you choose.
2007-09-18 04:03:29 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋