I am dating this guy who seems like a good guy. He is 33 and has spent the last 15 years in a relationship. He said his 1st relationship of 10 years was with his middle school sweet heart which you know puppy love never last. His 2nd relationship was 5 years which he now has a 4-year-old daughter. He admits he was not always a saint, but he do like long term relationships, and is currently looking for one, and feels he now know what to do right. The thing is he really does not have anything. Both relationships were between his teenage and post high school years which meant he was dating these women, but still living at home. He asked me what I was looking for in a man, and I told him. I then added the man has to be financially stable. I made it clear that he did not need to be stable to take care of me, but stable to take care of himself.
2007-09-18 02:38:42 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He said, it does not matter about the finical stability part because if you love someone you can build things together. He said he knows how to take care of his responsibilities & is aware of a woman's needs whether it is finically or emotionally. He does not have bad credit, he actually have no credit. I asked him did he own or rent, he said him, his mother, and his sister were thinking about buying, which means he would have the same living arrangement he has now. He is a deep country boy & I guess this is normal. I was born & raised in Miami so this is not normal so this brings be back to my question (Do you want to take someone, and build with them or would you want someone to already have themselves together?
2007-09-18 02:38:48 · update #1
You should never MARRY someone who isn't financially stable, that's just asking to head for divorce court.
People have to be responsible, simple as that.
You build your lives together, but you both have to start from SOMEWHERE. It's okay to date him while he's getting to where he needs to be, but DO NOT marry him until he can take care of himself, cuz you'll only be asking for trouble
2007-09-18 02:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
He should be together by now. He doesn't have any credit that would mean everything would be on you. If you are looking for marriage he needs to have his self together. If you are just looking for a long drawn out relationship he's your man. Still living with his mom at 33 isn't a good sign. He may be the type to work until he gets with you and then you have to take care of him. Don't let him move in with you.
2007-09-18 02:55:15 · answer #2 · answered by moonchild 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Building in combination is fine if you're in a major dating that's most often main to marriage, however rather then that a guy of that age will have to be reasonably centered and recognise what he needs in existence. A guy who's 33 has no industry dwelling together with his mother- He will have to a minimum of have an condominium or some thing! Does he have a automobile? How a lot does he carry in a month? You must recognise those matters so you don't get caught "constructing" and he's simply looking and no longer contributing. Thats one of the most largest explanations I received divorced- My ex had not anything and was once no longer running to have some thing- he was once content material to scrape up adequate cash to pay the hire on the final minute and constantly needed to "hustle" to make ends meet. I desired greater than that for myself. He too desired "us" to do the whole thing in combination, and everytime "we" become "me" while it got here all the way down to the $$. Just watch out and be certain he intends to head similarly on any and all matters you buy in combination.
2016-09-05 18:13:57 · answer #3 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
At 33 he should be more independent and stable. While living at home isn't a crime, he has had plenty of time to build his financial life. If he were living at home and had built his credit and savings that would be one thing. The fact that he didn't do either of these things is a big red flag to me. It seems a bit irresponsible and immature to me. My advice would be to continue if he takes the steps to live on his own and be a big boy! He sounds like a mooch. If you don't see changes quickly I would run for the hills. Find someone whose values match better with yours. Good luck :)
2007-09-18 02:50:09 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
That is definitely a question of personal choice.
Me? I look at it this way.. got to have something to start with before you can add to it. I'm a country girl, born and raised in rural mid-america by city parents (a half breed of sorts), but I did my stint in the city. Too faced paced and they ate me alive!
Alot of the guys in this area want a woman that they can ABSORB into their lives. It's okay if you don't need a life of your own and you never tasted the freedom of it. My guy was one of them good ole boys!
If you pursue this relationship, he will want to share A life. That means complete and total surrender. I couldn't do it. But, my man loves me and he did have a life of his own before he met me so he agreed to my terms. We still have our own lives, however, we have combined many aspects of it. It is hard work and full of frustrations, but to me worth every minute of it.
Some of the biggest problems we have is the assumption of DEPENDENCE. He is torn about WANTING a needy wife and HAVING an independent woman. It is a source of strain, but I stand my ground. (he was raised that the man supports the family and I was raised that the woman has to do her share)
Bottom-line is if you and the guy you are dating have very different expectations of the relationship, it is twice the work to make it work. They don't change thier views overnight and neither will you. You and he will have to find a balance that both of you get a little of what you want out of it, but that means you and he also have to give up a little too. Not sacrifice... COMPROMISE!
Neither expectation is wrong if you are with the one that agrees to that lifestyle.
Not to mention those close family ties versus mega independence. Are you strong enough to handle his family always being there for him and he always being there for his family? That is almost a full-time job itself!
It's early in the game yet for you. Make a mental image of the life you envision and what part he will play in it and tell him.
2007-09-18 03:10:35 · answer #5 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He is right about when you love someone. You love them unconditionally. You don't say I love you but, you don't have a house!!!
You build things together....Though I would ask are they going to buy a house they all can live in or enough land they all can build on. If you love them and they love you, you get married and buy a house and, not with in-laws of any kind that would be a whole other mess in itself. Ask him why he has never lived away from his mother and sister.
2007-09-18 02:48:40 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
My husband and I have been building together. To me, we got married and built our life.
As for the guy you're seeing, just be thankful he doesn't have bad credit. No credit is better than bad credit. He can build, just don't let him built too much too soon. Try and express your experiences with credit cards and loans and such. Help him try to make good credit.
2007-09-18 02:48:07 · answer #7 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at 33, he should already have built his life, or most of it anyway. at a younger age, you can say you'll build your lives together but at his age, he should have a bit more going for him.
2007-09-18 02:57:42 · answer #8 · answered by racer 51 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
at the age of 33 he should have himself together and be financially stable................
2007-09-18 02:46:36 · answer #9 · answered by abc 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not building anything for someone. If they can't do it themselves, they're nothing to me.
2007-09-18 02:44:38 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 1⤋