I don't know what to do?

Question

My husband has recently lost his job but is working once again but he does not like his new job and drinks a lot. If he just drinks beer, he is ok but if starts drinking liquor, he gets real angry and mean. He told me yesterday that we wants a divorce and he don't love me anymore(he was drinking). I don't want to just give up on our relationship. We have been married for 5 years and together for 11 years. A lot of my fears is to be alone and that I never would see him again because he would move back by his family 2000 miles away. I have a problem being alone almost like separation anxiety. I asked him yesterday for us to go to some counseling or him to go to a doctor to get some help and he says he does not need any help nor does he want us to go to counseling. I am just scared on one side when he is drinking because he starts breaking things and throws threats and on the other side I don't want to be alone. Please help me.

Answer 1

What's stopping you from getting some individual counseling? You're entitled to do something good for yourself.

Answer 2

There is always a "final outcome" to any arrangement. In yours, the options are:

1. He stops drinking, and you two live out your lives together in something close to normal.

2. He keeps drinking, and it eventually makes him sick and he ultimately dies from it. You get to watch. He may also punch you out a few times along the way, and also drag you through the legal troubles that always seem to follow a drinker around. You would have little joy to look back on in your later years.

3. He keeps drinking, and you leave the relationship to avoid living out the experiences described in number 2.

Option 1 is by far the best, and the good thing is he can do this.

Its not likely you can get through this alone without help from some outside therapist, counselor, pastor, minister or Alanon. Pastors, ministers don't charge anything and they will definitely help you. All you have to do is go to one of the larger churches in your area during the weekday. There is usually a secretary or some other people around that actually work there. Just go in and ask if there is someone you can speak with about a problem in your family. I promise they will make you fell better and give you some good help.

Good luck

Answer 3

I don't think he means it about wanting a divorce or not loving you. I think he's feeling really sorry for himself and is being wreckless. In his mind he's losing important things, so why not just lost it all. So if he picks a fight with you, pushes you away, then he isn't 'losing' anything, it's a loss...BUT...it's by his choice. Control. Do you see?

The drinking makes him 'let go'. He feels 'ok', even tho you and probably he know better. He DOES need counseling, and he needs you, but I'm not sure what would be best for you to do. Be supportive, or back off a little. I'm not sure.

Do your best to get him counseling tho, and maybe encourage him to keep looking for a job. Sounds to me like this is the first job he's lost??? Or does he take losses like this, in his life, this hard?

I sure do wish you the best and that things work out well for you both. Everything will be ok.

Answer 4

You cannot hang on to him, because you don't want to be alone. If you love him, you have to save him, because this will only get worse.

You have to confront him when he isn't drinking and ask him if he truly wants a divorce. If his answer is yes, then you have to get a divorce, because you cannot stay married to someone who doesn't love you. It can never work.

This is when you have to show him with you chin up that you have alot of self respect, pride, dignity and value. You cannot be weak! If you show him that you are strong and you're making the decision to move on, because don't forget, he's the one with the problem, not you! Show him that you will not live like this. People that drink are failures and they're running away from reality. They're hiding. So if he sees you taking care of yourself, he just might realize that he is making a major mistake. This is when he might change. He might see that he still loves you. The truth will come out and he might want to save his marriage. That's when he will stop drinking, because he will do anything to get you back. That's true love. If it's true love, he isn't going anywhere. I wish you all the luck.

Answer 5

Sounds like you need to be alone for a while so you can get your head on straight.
If a person can not admit when they have a problem and does not want to get help their is nothing more you can do except take care of yourself.
Maybe he needs some time alone to realize that he does want to be with you or to leave.
Why would you want to stay with a man that does not want or desire to be with you?
That can not be making you feel good about yourself.
Move out for a few weeks then decide what you want to do.
It is kinda hard to make a difficult decision when you have no time alone to think.

Answer 6

It sounds like your husband has self-esteem issues. With a person like that it is really hard on the other spouse or other family members because all of you know and have seen a much softer side of him. I hope this is the case since you have been with him for 11 yrs. As for you, you need to give yourself daily positive affirmations (compliments). Whether you say them to yourself in front of a mirror, post them on your mirror, etc. Also, let your husband know that you love him, but you will not tolerate all of the meanness. If things don't change, you may have no other choice but to leave him. People who have addictions have to reach "their" bottom before they seek help and make a decision to change their lives. The ONLY person they can do it for is themselves. It won't work if the primary reason is for someone or something else. God Bless You!!!!!!!!! Been there!!

Answer 7

So you're going to allow this drunken moron to abuse you just because you don't want to be ALONE? I hope this sounds completely stupid to you, because IT IS!
There are plenty of other fish in the sea, men who will LOVE you and treat you well. There's no reason for you to have to accept this.
See a doctor, get on meds if that's what it takes to deal with being alone, but LEAVE this @ss-clown before he sends you to the hospital from his next beating. He's not a MAN and doesn't deserve you

Answer 8

hi are you just staying with him because you dont want to be alone? if the answer is yes the only reason you are staying with him are the wrong reasons , if he wont go to councelling with you , then you go alone this will help you become a stronger person and help you to be alone and independant , you deserve better than this and need help as you cant do it on your own , once you have taken the first few steps you will feel much better and be able what you want to do in the future, if this man really cares about you he will go to councelling with you , and maybe you could then try to sort things out , he needs to address his anger use with alcohol.please talk to somebody who you know who can help you and suport you the very best of luck , if you need to chat to somebody please feel free to email me xx

Answer 9

You're better off alone than with a mean drunk. Who knows, he might start hitting you next. You don't need to divorce him yet, but I'd get my butt out of there.

Get some counselling for your fear of being alone. It's rather destructive.

Answer 10

You don't need to be around a loser. It is obvious that he is not willing to work on your marriage. He does not deserve you.

Why not move in temporarily with your family? Or get a room mate. I tell you, living a life stress free is an indescribable feeling. The independence.... trust me, it is worth making that step.

You don't need that crap from that man. You will find someone who will love and appreciate you for who you are.