would you abort a fetus with an interlectual disabilitly?

Question

I had a baby in july 2006 who was stillborn at 37 weeks and 6 days it broke my heart and my heart will always have apart missing for her, I am now 13 weeks pregnant again, and i had a ultrasound done a few weeks ago that came up showing there was abit too much fluid around the neck and I have to have further tests to see if the fetus has down sydrome, please don't give me all ur religious crap,my mother has worked with people with interlectual disabilities now for over 15 years and knows how hard it is to take care of someone with a interlectual disability and also the other medical problems that come with it and how stressful it is to take care of children with disabilities. If my baby has down sydrome i couldn't bear to get rid of it but im scared that me and my partner won't be able to raise a child like that, im scared that i will do wrong by the baby and allowing it to have a painful and unfulfilling life. What would you do and what do you think are things i need to think about?

don't get me wrong i really don't want to abort this baby, after loosing my daughter and knowing that she will never get the chance to live her life i really want to allow this baby to have a chance at living, but im only 21 im still so young which is why im scared, im already scared knowing that in a few months time i will hopefully have a child to raise but a child who is disabled needs alot more attention, I will love this child disabled or not its growing inside me and its the child of the guy i love so much and want to die old with so i will always love this baby no matter what is wrong with.....and i think i just answered my own question...

Answer 1

First off I hope everything turns out ok for you!!

Second of all...down's isn't really all that bad! They are some of the happiest kids you will ever meet! And alot of them are actullay able to hold a job once they finish school....there is a down's girl that is a WalMart greeter in our town...she is the cutest thing you would ever meet!! But this has to be a decision you and your partner have to make!!

Good Luck with everything

Answer 2

By the time I had read your question you had come up with your own answer. The best thing I can come up with to help you is a bit about a friend who's 10th, yes 10th baby was born with downs. She wrote a beautiful article to the our local paper about the rewards and what you learn when you're raising a special child. There are so many degrees of Down's and chances of other troubles that it's impossible to know what your situation will be. You can't even be certain yet what the test showed was accurate. I don;t think that the children your mother works with are a good basis for you either. It shows you the hard and stressful side but not the side a parent sees as their child works so hard and succeeds in learning new things or finds joy in what we see everyday. I don't know if your mother works with people from a group home or who are with their families, but the group homes while sometimes neccesary are a very different experience.

I've often wondered many of these same things myself. I don't do any of the testing for problems because I wouldn't want to be worrying the whole time, and I'd never have to consider the options. I know I wouldn't have an abortion but anyone would wonder if they've made the right choice. I child like that doesn't think life is unfulfilling or realize it's any different from anyother unless it's made horribly obvious to them. Parents who resent them making them feel it's their fault. In a happy home and loving family they will only know they're loved and it wont matter what the world thinks to them, that will be what's unreal.

All and all please try not to worry and know that either way you figured out you'd love this baby no matter what on your own.

Answer 3

I, personally, wouldn't.

I can see why you would be scared. At 21, I'm not sure I could handle something like that - but I'd be damned if I didn't try my best. Hell... I'm 23 and I'm still scared about raising a normally healthy child the "right" way.

I don't think that just because a child has downs or other disabilities that it will have a painful, unfulfilling life. Your mother works with children like this... then she should know, some of these people are the brightest, more affectionate people out there. My aunt has cerebral palsy and my other aunt is sitting in the same boat you are... wondering if the baby she is carrying has downs, she is a bit older... but like you said she knows first hand how difficult it is to raise a child with a disability and to be a sibling to that.

In the end, I don't think you're ever handed something you can't handle. I think as humans we all find a way... and do our best. Are you planning to go further with Amnio? If there is only one symptom then there is still a chance that this could be a perfectly healthy baby. I'll be thinking about you. Best of luck in your future choices.

Answer 4

I agree with some of the others, i think the best think can do is research, look up about some down's see the most possible outlook for things, try getting in touch with familes which have a child with down's, see if you could almost shadow their family or child to see what a daily day is like, the research is key though too, to see all your aspects of the situation
I hope everything works for the best!
I know you think, i could never raise a child like that, but no matter if they have down's or not, they will still love you, and a child is a child no matter if it has limited mobility or mental ability, it will live learn grow and love the same

Answer 5

I would rather see puppies aborted. You are preventing those puppies from potentially going through alot of pain and suffering from irresponsible proplr. If a litter of puppies is allowed to be born into the hands of anybody other than a very responsible person or reliable breeder, I would bet that over half the litter will eventually end up in a shelter anyway. Does it matter if the pups are purebreds or mutts? No. An unplanned litter is an unplanned litter. Unless that purebred has titles, registration papers and health screenings, you're not only contributing to an overpopultion problem by allowing those puppies to be born, your hurting the breed. Age or health? Well if the female has health problems, she shouldn't be having puppies at all. Same with age, if she is too young or too old, again, it's probably for the best.

Answer 6

no way would i abort a child just because they may have an intellectual disability. i have worked with kids with downs syndrome and they are absolutely the sweetest kids ever! a lot of children with downs attend regular classes and go on to lead pretty much normal lives. they don't have "painful and unfulfilling" lives (as you so eloquently worded it).

the tests are not certain. it's just a possibility of a child being born with downs. you'd feel really bad if you aborted your baby and in the end, find out nothing was actually wrong.

if you don't want the "stress" (again, your words) of having a child with a disability, put it up for adoption. someone would love to have that child, disability or not.

Answer 7

I've been thinking a lot about that myself lately. How some people with disabilities are not happy, and are a burden on their parents. I know their parents love them, but they have to devote the rest of their lives to their children, and I think the kids know how difficult it is. If it was me, because I already have two kids, and I'm raising them pretty much by myself with only monetary help from my husband. I would have to abort. Although I hate, hate, hate abortion I just think that it would take away from my other children and just wear me down even more. And how happy would the child be? Especially if more was wrong and they were confined to a wheel chair and can't speak?
Although I'd also consider adoption. Some people out there will adopt special needs children. So just think about it. Good luck!

Answer 8

I just want to say that I think you are very brave, and wonderful. I doubt very much whether i would be prepared to raise a child with a disability. You will make a wonderful mother.
All I can say is I wish you all the best and hope your child is born healthy.
Hugs & Kisses

Answer 9

First you need to find out for sure if there is a problem. Then you need to sit down and talk to your partner and your mom especially since she has experience and make the best decision for you. What ever than decision may be.

Don't worry about the bible-thumping right wing...this is the USA and you have the right and ability to make the decision that is best for you. No one else can or should make that decision for you.

I hope that all the tests are for nothing and your baby is healthy and perfect....if not, I wish for you the ability to face your decision with strength and dignity and a peaceful heart.

Answer 10

First, I would say, try, try not to get yourself too upset right now until you know for sure..That's going to be really hard, I know..Second, I would talk to any family that has a child with Downs and see what they say..I have never heard any family say anything besides how much of a blessing that child was..I have a friend who has two children with severe limitations, physical and mental..She goes on and on about how funny they are, how much fun they have, how she loves them, etc..Never anything negative at all! If you truelly think you cant handle it, and you know for sure, there are hundreds of families out there who would take him! I guarantee it! Good luck to you!