Do cantankerous people know they are that way?

Question

I'm talking about the bitter people who walk around with a chip on their shoulder. People who feel like life has dealt them the wrong cards and they act mean and bitter towards the world. It seems to me that these type of people just really need to be loved but because of their awful behavior no one wants to be around them. Do you think they know that they act this way and are warding people off with their behavior?

Answer 1

I bet they do. I'm a firm believer in those that are difficult to love are the ones that need it the most. The problem with that is you truly need to be a saint to put up with their behavior. I must admit that I have my days, and I'm so pissed off that I take it out on people. However, the ones that have been cantankerous for so long, they probably can't help it anymore. It merely makes me pity them, instead of pissing me off. Are they warding people off on purpose with their behavior? Partially. The bitter ones are the ones that can't deal with the hurt in life, so they protect themselves by never putting themselves in a position to feel that pain again.
Horrible way to live. I've been there myself.

Answer 2

You may have made an inaccurate assessment of why cantankerous people are the way they are. My husband had an aunt who was at the top of the C. list. I was her primary caretaker, and she drove me nuts! Every time I complained about her, my husband always told me that I was just like her; you can imagine how I responded to THAT!
She did not realize that her behavior was offensive to others, and neither did I recognize mine as such. She never changed, to the day she died.
But I have tried to. You see, I do not have the mean and bitter attitude which you described. I discovered that I was merely impatient with ignorance, and have been working on that for many years now. I never had "a chip on my shoulder"--still don't--but could not help responding as I did. And as I still do.

I have tried to express my feelings in a more comic way, and people do seem to appreciate my humor, though my close friends do tell me that I often get a bit close to being rude and offensive. It is entirely unintentional--I get so caught up in what I am trying to accomplish that when someone interrupts, but not at all in a helpful way, I usually have something to say--always funny, but sometimes at the other's expense.
So you see, we are who we are. We all have a basic character and even when we recognize those flaws that are there and try to expunge them, sometimes some meanness is just going to come out. When I recognize or am shown where I have been rude or impatient, I make a point to go to the offended person with an apology and an explanation, and have made some really good friends with my straight-forward approach.
As long as we are on the subject of personality, there is something which bothers me about some other people. I am a Christian, and proud and happy about that, but sometimes I meet people who are so "sweet" ALL THE TIME that they make me sick. Well, maybe not sick, but I do get aggravated at their attitude. Everything is NOT always all right. Sometimes things need to be changed; sometimes a lot. But they just roll with the punches and respond so sweetly, "That's ok--I understand."--or something like that. Yuck!!!!! Even Jesus got angry when men were not doing as they should. Passivity would land us all in Hell.

To conclude, and answer your question:
No, I do not believe that most of them realize how their behavior is being regarded by others. And you are right: they just really need to be loved. But.....................

(You know, don't you, than when someone compliments you, then says "but", that you probably are not going to like what they say next.) But..............

So, why don't you just try to overlook their behavior and give them the love they need. Just because they don't ask for it is no reason for you not to give it. Reasonably, you must recognize that such people are going to be the last to see, much less acknowledge their need for love--and for help. So just offer the love without being requested to do so.

Remember, those who need love most deserve it least!!!!!!!!



Wow! Thanks for that little session--I feel much better now.

Answer 3

I'm sure that some are aware of their behavior and revel in it. Those are the ones that you just need to ignore and let them get along in thier sad lives. As for the rest, that is a toughie.. Do you really bother and be rejected over and over, hoping for the day that there might be a chink in the armor?

Answer 4

yes. some do.

it has kept women away from me for years. they wanted losers anyway.

if i could find one that wanted to be loved, i wouldnt be this way.

but, until then, its a great defense mechanism.

others are just mean. they hate the world.

edit - wow, mistress DD, talk about looking in a mirror.
i mean, of course, what you said. your just like me.
i wasnt referring to your avatar. i dont dress like that. and if i did, i wouldnt look that good.

Answer 5

Dout it. Just pray for them. Been there my self been that person and been on recieving end myself when plp are hurting they just don"t think

Answer 6

I know that they need to get over themselves!!! & leave everyone else alone!!!