Should i give her a second chance after her cheating on me?

Question

Hi,

I just found out the my girlfriend has been cheating on me. In fact i found out that she has cheated on my twice. I have been with her for a good 5 years and was lookin at moving to the next step(marriage). She had a drunken one night stand awhile back and one about 1/2 year into her relationship. The two of which i have just found out about. she said that they meant nothing. However it meant something to me and i can't seem to get it out of my head. I understand that to give it another go i have to forget the past. But how to i stop thinking what the future could bring. I mean i don't trust her anymore. I know i love her so much but how do you get over something like this and begin to trust again. After cheating on me twice does she deserve another chance.

Answer 1

OK I understand that this is extremely tough for you, and its a tough decision to make.
But I believe in second chances. Anyone can screw up once in a while, if they learn their lesson and understand it was wrong, then thats OK. I know that being drunk is no excuse for what she has done, but it can affect a person in a negative way and inhibitions go wild.
Personally, I would see either a therapist to talk through some of your issues, or a marraige councillor. These people can be really ehlpful at times like this.
At the end of the day you came on here looking for advice, but the decision you make will not be based on what total strangers say, it will be based on your guy feeling and how much you really and genuinly love your partner.
If you love her as much as you say you do, don't break your own heart, unless you are sure and get the gut feeling she will cheat again, as that totally unacceptable.
If you do not give her a second chance you will spend the rest of your life wondering what might have been, and if she had been faithful, and what the ceromony would have been like, and what your kids would look like if you had had any.
I'm not saying marry her. Thats probably a bad move at the moment if you don't feel you can trust her. Talk to her, sit down and explain how you feel, maybe book a holiday together as this can be great relationship-building.
Eventually, the trust may come back. And if it doesn't, then thats the time to think about ending this relationship. But it may, and you should cling on to that chance while its still there.
Please feel free to email me whenever you like for help and advice if you need it.
Take Care
xxx

Answer 2

In most situations I would say 'No'. However that was a long time ago and she may deserve another chance. It will be awhile before the trust can be rebuilt. That is understandable. But, if you were considering marriage then you obviously love this girl very much. Is a drunken night years ago worth losing her? You need to ask questions and find the answers in your own heart. Have you ever done something like that? Would you have taken it back if you could? Does she make you happy? Do you think she has changed?

You need to find honest answers to these questions. If you aren't sure if she can be faithful in the future then dump her. But, if you think there is a Chance you guys can work through it, take it. People have made good marriages out of worse. Hope this helps. Sorry you are going through this and good luck.

Answer 3

If you truely love someone, you don't cheat on them. There is no excuse, not even being drunk. If you know you act stupid when you're drunk and make stupid decisions, then you shouldn't drink--or at least don't drink around lots of random people to where that situation can occur. Especially since she cheated on you twice, it is disrespectful and I can understand why you don't trust her and you shouldn't trust her. She not only did it once, but twice, what makes you think she wont do it again after that! How would she feel if you cheated on her? I think that you should find someone who will be faithful to you because if you can't trust her the relationship will not be healthy and will not work out in the end because you will always be hurt by it and always be worried about whether or not she will do it again.

Answer 4

Come on... do you want to be watching her every second and always wondering throughout your marriage? Let's be realistic here. Real love is built on trust.. if someone looses that trust the first time, it puts a difficult strain on the relationship and that trust has to be rebuilt over time. A second time? That trust has been blown up! Really think about what LOVE and a relationship really is; not that lovey-dovey feeling.. that will go away with time. It is enjoying spending time together, developing a mature relationship based on TRUST (not sex) that should last a lifetime. Alcohol is a poor excuse for promiscuous behavior. Self control is important and shows maturity. She most likely not the one for trust or maturity.. move on and find the right girl for you.

Answer 5

I wouldn't. If she couldn't even get through 5 years of being in a committed relationship without cheating, how is she going to get through marriage?? And being drunk that first time..that is just a sorry excuse so that you wouldn't feel as bad. If you have lost all trust in her, it is really going to be hard to get through all that.
If you do really want to give her a second chance, you two will really need counseling. Especially before even entertaining thoughts of marriage.
P.S. I give you credit for trying to make it work the first time around, I would have been out of there if someone broke my heart that way. Come to think of it, how many chances does she think she should get?? I would ask her that.

Answer 6

I think she has alot of work cut out for her if she wants to make this work- she has to earn your trust again, which will take some time. If she loves you and wants to be with you, she will do whatever it takes for you to trust her again. If her problem seems to be the "drunken one night stand", then you need to put your foot down about her going out and drinking when you aren't there- she has to be willing to take herself out of situations where she may backslide into cheating again. If she is not willing to do that, she is not worth the effort and heartbreak you have endured. Sometimes love isn't enough to get you by- You have to have trust and respect along with love to really make a relationship work. Look in your heart and really ask yourself if you will ever be able to trust her again and go from there. It may take time, but you will make the right choice for you.

Answer 7

What you need to find out is why she didn't tell you before. Who it it was with.. why don't matter some may say that i'm wrong but a lot of people just don't know how to keep their clothes on and legs closed! If it happened only once I would tell you to get over it and let it go... But if it happened twice that you found out about think about why you know NOW... somethings not right. there are more then 2 times. I say think because it has happened to me... but good luck on whatever you choose to do.....

Answer 8

It really depends on how u feel, would u be able to forgive her, would u be able to live thinking or worrying about what shes doing? will u be able to trust her again?

but on the other hand, i guess everybody needs a 2nd chance - though for her she has cheated twice already from what you know.

its really up 2 you how you feel deep inside - how well do u no her and will u be able to trust her again.

i no that if it were my bf i would leave - well maybe go on a break for a while - see if he changes - if he did it a 2nd time then defenatly the end of it no matter how hard it will be.

hope this helps..

Answer 9

HELLLLLLLLNOOOOOOOO don't give her another chance leave and don't look back b/c once might have been a mistake but not twice and i bet she has done it more then twice. obviously she isn't the wife type and u need to go find someone who is. taking her back well only mean that she can do whatever she wants and u want leave her. don't make the same mistake i did and stay b/c u will only get more hurt. once a cheater always a cheater. but u have to decide if she is worth forgiving or worth leaving. good luck

Answer 10

Forgetting the past is not the issue. The woman can't be trusted! If she will tell you about 2 incidents, you can rest assured there were more. And why would you want a woman who sleeps around, then says it meant nothing to her? Fool me once, it's your fault. Fool me twice, it's mine. Be wise and let her go. She's not worth the hassle.