she is 23, will not work, or go to school. She is very pretty and basically manipulates people {men} to getting her what she needs. If I am not doing something for her, she bad mouths me to everyone, including to her little sisters.Her and her BF are cursing and yelling and violent around us all the time. I have told her to get out, she tells me "no" and her dad wont take a stand. I cannot take the disrespect anymore, I am going to hurt her if she isnt gone now!!!! I need some kind of an immediate action that prevents her from being able to subject her sisters to any more "crap" for lack of a better word. I have tried to talk to her, reason with her, ask her, told her, guilted her, played the responsibility card and how good it feels to make your own way. I have offered to pay for school of she would go, a car if she would work, but everything keeps getting handed to her so why should she? I want her gone, now,her sisters dont deserve to live like this and neither do I. I failed!
2007-09-18 00:06:25 · 9 answers · asked by farmersdaghter 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
It sounds like to me you need to have a long talk with your husband and set some rules that both of you agree on. And make him understand that if he dont do something that he is just loosing his whole family and not just his daddy's little girl. Stop giving in to her and giving her everything. While she is gone put her stuff outside and change the door locks. Dont let her back in either.
2007-09-18 00:26:21 · answer #1 · answered by fishbone 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i think you just answered your own question - if everything keeps getting handed to her why should she go. first of all you said her dad won't do anything about this. you didn't say whether you and her dad live together or not. if so you must make it perfectly clear to him that either he stands by you or there is a huge consequence - like you leave or he leaves and you must make sure that you MEAN it and are prepared to go if he does not help or support you in this. If he doesn't live with you, the you are the Queen of your own castle, and must make the choice on your own. I would approach my daughter when she is calm and alone without the boy friend and explain to her that she has whatever amount of time you want to give her to move out. IF she starts a lot of mouth - just say I mean it and if you continue, that date will be moved up and call the police and have her moved if need be - tell her if she doesn't move voluntarily , you will have her physically removed by the police. Change the locks while she's out. if you really want her out then you are going to have to be willing to go all the way with it. she sounds very indulged and thats not good for her either. has to learn and it looks like the hard way. but be 100% sure that you are going to do what you say - cause if not you just make her behavior worse.
2007-09-18 00:28:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She is using you because you allow her to do so. You have to play hardball (a.k.a. "tough love") with her; tell her you want her out by the end of the week and give her a specific time, such as Friday at noon. If she doesn't go, call the police on her. At 23 she is more than old enough to be out on her own, and she can easily get one of her many boyfriends to take care of her needs.
2007-09-18 00:17:14 · answer #3 · answered by My Evil Twin 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not much really to say apart from its your house if you don't want her to be there throw her out. If she isn't respectful to you her mum then will she ever respect any one? If you want her gone that bad find her a flat and pay the rent for a few months tell her once that time is up she is not allowed to return home unless she is willing to work if not she will have to fend for herself it is the only way to make her realise just how much you do. Good luck
2007-09-18 00:15:52 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
you didnt fail..... teens today are irresponsable and so are the older ones. you really need to talk to your husband ,and make him see its wrong for him to let her stay around. then tell him if he choses to do nothing that you and your daughter will move out. you need to open his eyes. then if he agrees to do something ,go to a lawyer and get papers to have her removed by thirty days. that gives her time to find a place to live and then she can sponge off of someone else or get a job. you shoudnt have to be unhappy in your own house.
2007-09-18 02:52:51 · answer #5 · answered by marilynfsmgm 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't keep making it so easy for her at home! Tell her she's an adult and capable of working. If she won't, you aren't prepared to continue putting food on the table for her. If you do her laundry, stop doing it. Tell her to wash her clothes herself, and she pays for the detergent!
Since she's not working, and presumably has no income, she can't fund her expenses at all. Most 23 year olds who are still living at home are either supported by their parents because they're studying, or they're employed. If they have an income, they ought to make a contribution to the extra expense their parents incur because they are living with them. This is a way of helping them to realise what it costs to live, and they need to know that so that when they do move out, the expenses involved in independent living don't come as an almighty shock. It's not mean, it's practical.
If the parents don't need the money, they can always save it and return it to their offspring when they launch out on their own in a flat, or houseshare. Your daughter is too comfortable living with you. She doesn't have to do anything or contribute anything, and that's not going to provide her with any motivation to get up off her backside and put a bit of effort in to organising her own life.
My brother and his wife turned their 18 year old daughter out of the house a year ago for similar reasons. She caused nothing but trouble at home (she has two younger brothers whose lives she continually disrupted, along with those of her parents) and my brother eventually told her to go when it became obvious that my sil couldn't deal with the problems any longer and was on the verge of a complete breakdown.
My niece had no motivation to do anything, and could always get what she wanted from my brother whether by sweet-talking him or by exhausting him with continual nagging and argument. She found a room to rent and got a job serving coffee in a branch of a local Costa Coffee. My brother subsidised her expenses for the room rental, and now she's given up the job and the room and is lodging with a concerned neighbour whose daughter was a friend of hers at school.
Her dad and the neighbour together managed to get her a place at an art college nearby - she's enormously talented in art and music - but even though she travels there and back with her friend who is also a student there, she isn't really interested in doing the course, and spent the first two weeks sitting in the library reading when she should have been in class. Her reason? She tells me she couldn't find out where the class was being held! She is asking us to believe that none of the staff in the college knew, and therefore couldn't direct her to the classroom.
She lies, manipulates and always gets other people to do for her what she ought to be doing for herself. She's going on 20, and even with her impressive abilities, isn't interested in doing anything at all. What she wants most is to return home, get everything handed to her on a plate, continue to manipulate her dad, make her brothers unhappy, drive her mother to a nervous breakdown and make no plans for the future. My brother spent a fortune on her education, all of it wasted. He's now paid the fees for the term at the art college, and it looks as if that will be wasted too.
Why not try just telling your daughter as calmly as you can what I've suggested? It's quite possible that when she finds life isn't any longer comfortable at home, she'll manipulate one of her friends to take her on - then you'll be free of the aggravation. It's high time she learned to take responsibility for herself, and the consequences of her own actions.
wimsey
2007-09-18 01:55:50 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Throw her stuff out and change the locks... She'll get the hint. She's scared of the if's. If she didn't have a man to help her she wouldn't amount to anything. I'm 21 I moved out on my 21st bday, my parents didn't want me to move out. But i did. Me and my fiance have lived together since march. I love it.
2007-09-18 00:59:12 · answer #7 · answered by angel2005_2001 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to get out or get put out. Since she is a legal adult you can legally call the police on her if she refuses to leave.
2007-09-18 01:37:28 · answer #8 · answered by Flying Spagetti Monster 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have her forcibly removed by the law. She is a legal adult and this is your home, she has no right to be there against your wishes.
2007-09-18 00:15:56 · answer #9 · answered by ami_707 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋