My husband for 15 years has recently realised that he is too good for me and wants to start afresh leaving me and my two kids.
He says that I am not qualified enough and he can not discuss anything with me. Surprisingly this he could not realise for past 13 years. I have done graduation in arts.
I am being harassed by him by some or other way every day sincle last two years. He comes up with a new theory everyday and talks very vague and seems to be fickle minded.
What should i do ? what are the options for me for my and my kids financial security ? Can i take a legal action against him?
Please advice.
2007-09-17 21:55:58 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Best legal option for you in this case is to give him first shock of his life by seeking protection order, residential order & maintenance order for yourself & your kids under the Protection of Women from Domestic Violence Act. This DV Act gives you wide range of protection all these three issues I have mentioned above. This wont break you marital life at once but only will be a serious warning to him from the court to behave in a civilized manner & provide you all these things & not harass you has he has been doing till now. If he still feels harassing you he not only face punishment by imprisonment under section 36 of this Act but you can move the family court for divorce on the basis of cruelty & still get monthly maintenance for yourself & your kids even after the decree of divorce has been granted to you. I know the very first step under the DV Act will be big shock enough for him & freeze down his boiling brains. Many guys who are in soup as they are already facing proceedings under the DV Act do come & ask questions here how to get rid of this Act & such proceedings, so next time it will be your husband who will be posting question here after he is proceeded against under this DV Act & not you.
2007-09-18 01:26:26 · answer #1 · answered by vijay m Indian Lawyer 7 · 6⤊ 0⤋
Dear Mrs. Sasha,
It is really pathetic to hear your story, but let me say that you are thinking only to certain extent and not in full.
From your words, I can understand that you yourself have developed a sort of hatredness towards your husband, be whatever the reasons. Probably the ordeal you are undergoing for the past 2 years made you speak so.
Your confirmation that you have done graduation in arts, atleast a 10 - 15 years ago, depicts your expression of inability to gain financial independence.
You should have had taken an action atleast an year and half ago. Dragging on things for years together is no solution for any problem.
On your front - Question yourself whether you are good to him. Make an introspection. Ensure yourself that you are close to perfection and treat him affectionately. Care him, spend for him. May be you are spending too much time on your kids, with no time to him. You have to think about your love-making also. Come up to his needs. Step into his shoes and make a thought. Once you are clean mentally, start analysing his problems.
On your spouse's front :
Was he good for the 13 years of the past to previous 2 years?
What situations made him start thinking against you?
Were you buggin him for trivial issues?
Are you stealing his personal space?
Is there any third party intrusion into your relationship.
Be it your parents or his parents or anyone from any of your or his sides, it is never advisable for others to peep their heads into your issues.
Ask him to attend some stress relief courses.
Check if he is undergoing some financial pressure or other pressures, which he feels he can't share with you.
If I start listing every possible reason, I can go for hundred and one things. Put your heart and brain into the issue and think for saving your marriage.
Divorce is only the last resort, where you have tried in every possible way to save your marriage, or unless he is a moron.
Check if he has a problem with the kids.
Just ask him to take a break from his routine life and ask him to go on a single trip. If he enjoys your presence, go for a honeymoon.
if he is really not comfortable speaking to you... ask him to go to a family counsellor. Dont let some one who is immature to interfere. Better it be a doctor like a psychologist, hypnotist or a professional..
Patience for the right issue always pays you.
You were patient for a wrong cause for 2 years.
Be patient in not taking a divorce.
Trust me..... You will have a wonderful life.
If really nothing works and he is absolute idiot, fit for nothing.. go for a divorce and make sure that you are not doing a mistake by taking divorce. It is a one-time decision.
All the best.
You have support of millions of hearts here.
God bless you.
Bye
With Best wishes and Regards
Satya
2007-09-18 05:36:06 · answer #2 · answered by Satya T 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I am very, very sorry for you! Your husband is acting like a jerk.
As you said, if he suddenly thinks, that you are not "qualified" enough for him after 15 years... believe me, this is a very stupid excuse! Some men turn into some kind of egoistic monsters when they grow older, as they start to think, that they have to live all the experiences they didn’t enjoy when they were young - and suddenly wife and children are in their way...
He says, that you are not qualified and good enough for him? Well, I would say, that he isn’t qualified enough to be a good husband and father and risks, that his kids grow up `without a father and with financial problems... so, he is not good enough for you!!!
As you tell from his behaviour, he seems to change his mood and interest every day and finally achieve nothing real...
I don’t want to hurt your feelings, but you have to face the truth: Your husband is not worth it and all he does is destroy his family, destroy you and your kids.
And honestly, I am sure, that he has met a young female and he thinks that he can easily leave and forget about his family and start to live like a youngster without any bondage...
You should go immediately to a good lawyer and demand him for financial support. He is the father and he will have to support his family, like it or not...
And as he treats you in such an awful way, trying to make a fool out of you... I hope, that he will loose all he got and that they demand him to pay until the end of his days.
He is not good for you at all --- honestly, he is worth NOTHING!!!
He is no husband and father at all.
I do hope, that you will be safe in the future; anyway, I am sure, that you will be better off without him.
You can find somebody new, somebody, who values you as a person and acts like a grown up man and responsible adult, not like spoiled and egoistic teenager boy.
GOOD LUCK!!!
2007-09-17 22:43:24 · answer #3 · answered by Anita P 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi,
Many people wld differ frm me, but in my openion, do something that wld let him have some space.. Everyone gets boredom in life and need some space.. Do one thing go somewhere out and send him too somewhere.. and let him realise if he misses u.
Some ppl tend to get back after they realise the importance of other person.. it might take sometime.. But this is the best possible way seeing u have lids..
This is not the age of leaving and braking a marriage.. U have kids who need their father. If u take any legal step, in any case u wld lose him.. and ofc ourse if things dont set right even after u try hard, just take this step.. but frist plz do understand ur husband, his needs.. time is changing and his need also might be changing.. he might be fantasy over some type of woman.. try to find out.. and whats wrong in doing so.. after all u love him right!!..
And to take legal step, the whole life is with u to decide on.. that can be the last step to do so.. b'coz trust me after that u have lost ur husband atleast( u might get all those financial stuff to secure ur future though)
2007-09-17 22:39:38 · answer #4 · answered by sanyy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i hate to say it, but if you think things are tough now, they will not get any easier with divorce. if u are able to support urself and the kids in a job, then ok. realise he isn't going to want to pay child support, so he may try to get custody. start saving for an attorney regardless. u'll need at least 5k because u have kids involved.
if i had it all to do over... just stay out of his way, lead seperate lives, get financially grounded and then if he leaves, u're prepared. i would strongly suggest leading seperate lives. divorce him in ur mind. don't ask questions. realize ur just trying to keep a roof over ur head, not make the marriage work. i would stay away from him, so as not to have to listen to the cr@p he dishes out.
best wishes
2007-09-18 00:50:56 · answer #5 · answered by (!)listen 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well i am sure you must also be feeling that you are too good for him, since the both of you are too good for each other it is better you split amicably. Sit down together and discuss the terms and conditions of compensation for you for servicing his needs for the past 15 years then put everthing on stamped paper and register it. It is better the both of you go for divorce for mutual consent after settling the money to be paid to you for your services and then find one good lawyer who will finalise the deal and make it legal.
2007-09-17 22:33:52 · answer #6 · answered by Pramod R 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Please avoid talking with him, and if he compells, u hust say that u will shout for neibhours to report to police.
He then realises. Donot go for divorce, as it is such more worser, instead, keep a well wishing Male friend from a relative at the maximum,
Children will surely approve ur action, as they are always intelligent.
2007-09-17 22:52:31 · answer #7 · answered by kumar 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you realise by now that he is very firm about getting out of this marriage. Your best option is to seek legal advise and move on. You dont need such a scum... you deserve someone better!
2007-09-17 22:15:07 · answer #8 · answered by HunnyBunny 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Adjustment is needed from both side in balanced manner. Take help of unbiased family mediator who could bring you on right track.
2007-09-19 21:03:59 · answer #9 · answered by Honey786 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
just watch out for infidelity clues as wife is usually the last one who comes to know.he is cheating on u. pretend to be very happy and show that u r busy n happy. do not make yourself easily available to him and then see the change.if any.
focus on yourself n look nice in front of him as if u r having some boyfriend in hiding.
get him counselled. do not give him divorce easily if he is unfaithful.
find any job even if parttime for yourself.
2007-09-18 16:33:48 · answer #10 · answered by christina 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋