If I was a single drop of rain,
perhaps a tear on your face again,
would you hold me close,
or do you suppose
Perhaps we find life is dear,
as we clinch year after year,
this is work I will never forget,
as the place you have in my heart will set
You have sent my heart afire
you are my only desire
the pain with you not around
makes me want to be underground
The utter hell I live,
shows more than I can give,
You left me alone
feeling cold as a stone
It seems like every other line needs to rhyme
wow,I will need some time
you all are good as I am not,
just a silly snot
As this is fun,I must admit
I'm just a stupid ****,
as I type I cry,
not even knowing why
Sorry all if you feel insulted,
Typing this unleashed the vaulted,
you all have talent where i have none
thanks for reading this and my time in the sun
Still a raindrop falling
still don't know my calling,
I need affection and I need love,
Were these the words you were thinking of?
2007-09-17 21:42:44 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
The point is: Bad or good, I get the distinct impression you had fun doing it, and in my book, at least, it's worth a "good job". I write to have fun, for the shear enjoyment of stringing words together, making them rhyme, and conveying a particular thought or idea. Have a star.
2007-09-18 04:05:28 · answer #1 · answered by Dondi 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay... For the record, poetry does not need to rhyme...! There is such a thing as 'free-verse poetry'. I should know, it's what I'm best at...
But anyways... It certainly seems amateur, but then again you do seem to be putting too much pressure on yourself. I mean just by the way you made the rhymes it's like... You don't need to do that. This is a fine poem for beginners, but even beginners need criticism to get better.
And the main piece of criticism I have you, is that your rhymes look forced. Poetry is suppose to be about feelings, mainly. (But also some technical stuff that you don't need to be bothered with right now...)
Write from your feelings, your emotions, yourself. Then everything else just falls into place... It doesn't matter if your rhyming it or not, just as long as you are that 1 saying it. Get it?
Luck.
2007-09-18 18:15:42 · answer #2 · answered by Twili 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I will say Meow and it;s a great poem and you said oink if it sucks; and no way does it suck at all.Nicely done and lots of luck Shelly
2007-09-18 12:59:10 · answer #3 · answered by Cami lives 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It's OK, anything goes the way you want it.
2007-09-18 08:40:39 · answer #4 · answered by Nicolette 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I WONT SAY OINKS IT SUCKS RATHER I WOULD SAY GREAT WORK KEEP IT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
2007-09-18 07:25:28 · answer #5 · answered by Richa 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
you suck hack
2007-09-20 03:14:59 · answer #6 · answered by nasty mcdirty 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this was a lot of fun. Thanks for sharing
2007-09-18 17:40:31 · answer #7 · answered by HisPrincess 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋