my small little lovely family with a loving husband,one daughter(9months)and one son (2yrs).suddenly something was going very wrong.then I caught him in a relation with another women.He said his story..........he used to chat with this girl ,then they start to meet eachother.my husband took her in our apartment which was vacant.she cooked for her,they had food.then again next day he took her there and they had sex relation. then some how i cought him.then he broke the relation with that girl.My husband says it was a big mistake.He apologised to me and promised to me he will never do it again.My question is not that, should i forgive him or not because i allready forgave him.But i can not forget that he had a relation with someone when i gave him everything.its not that we have a bad s e x life.everything was right.then y he did. we can not say it was an accident because it was well organised as you see. he said he do not know why .
2007-09-17 20:12:27 · 10 answers · asked by sherry 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
but when she was cooking in my kitchen,giving food to him,sleeping beside him,touching him............my husband never thought for a moment about me .it never remind him about me???he did not realise how i used to do the same things with him????he never thought for a second "no I an doing wrong???Its killing me inside. i want my family back.but how to forget ????what to do??
2007-09-17 20:18:15 · update #1
Listen to Barb. You can forgive. Forgetting is impossible. I think the only way to make it work is if you both get counciling, and HE has to be the one that wants it, and HE has to be the one to convince you, and HE has to be the one willing to do almost anything to prove His love is real.
Now is the time to really examine your marriage....is it great and soulmelding....do you really love him....or do you just not want to loose the family ?
Forgiveness does not mean reconciliation (staying together). That is your choice. Do what's best for the rest of your life, not the present or just to spare the kids pain.
2007-09-17 21:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by mysihba 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Truth is it isn't now up to you to do anything - its up to him.
1. He HAS to work out what gave him (in his own mind) permission to do what he did. He must have some way of justifying it to himself, or he wouldn't have done it at all. He might have told himself that he deserved more, or that it didn't mean that much, or that some thing that you did, or didn't do gave him reason enough to go out there and cheat. You cannot let him get away with "I don't know why" because if he doesn't know why, how is he going to make sure it doesn't happen again? Counseling can help him here.
2. He has to take ownership of his actions, his choices. He has to acknowledge that HIS actions hurt you, hurt your relationship, and that is HIS responsibility to make it right.
Then you need to get together and work out what you can do together to make it through this.
It takes a lot of time and a lot of attention but it can be done.
2007-09-18 03:30:14 · answer #2 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't be trapped by the " I don't want to be alone bug". You can make it on your own! The last statements of your question express that he didn't give any thought to you or how your would feel if you found out he was cheating! I say once a cheater, always a cheater. They will certainly say they'll never do it again, but it's at the expense of your heart if he does. Are you willing to take that chance!/
2007-09-18 11:32:47 · answer #3 · answered by Special K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a saying that forgiving is easy, forgetting is hard. My ex cheated on me (that's why he's the ex). I could never forgive someone for that much less forget.
No matter how much you try to forget, it will always be there. Everytime he is late coming home from work or wherever, you will wonder if he is with someone else.
2007-09-18 03:29:37 · answer #4 · answered by Leather and Lace 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He thought about you the whole time, but got himself in a situation that he was unsure of how to get out of so he made the best of it. I could go on and on about how insecurity caused all of this, but I won't. I'll only say that most people (who show remorse afterwards) cheat because they are insecure within themselves. Help him love himself and he'll never cheat on you again. I am CERTAIN you never left his thoughts. He was just scared and insecure when he made the mistakes.
2007-09-18 03:40:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now I realise, I got my answer from ur situation. My bf cheated on me and I am still thinking about him...No way, its not worth it. How can someone not even think about us.
No, Forgive him, but let him go. What if he does that again after 3 years..? I know its so difficult to let someone go, but its very imp to learn it as well for our own dignity.
Let him go to that girl.
2007-09-18 03:21:24 · answer #6 · answered by jenni 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knew absolutely 100%, what he was doing,yes.Nobody forced him to have sex with that woman.so,it is all up to you;if you want to believe what he say,or not.He is an adult,so,he knows what he is doing. A cheater never will tell you the true.A cheater will say always; that it was not his fault. A cheater says always,that he is the victim.Good question.
2007-09-18 03:49:45 · answer #7 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry, but I don't think you will ever forget that. He hurt you really bad, and that is something that you will always have in the back of your mind. He just needs to stay on top of his p's and q's if he wants to keep you. That means forever!! He needs to do everything in his power to keep that out of your mind!! It's his job and his problem, not yours!!
2007-09-18 04:34:49 · answer #8 · answered by Mrs. T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone needs variety, especially men. Let it go even if it happens again.
Find yourself a play-toy, too.
2007-09-18 03:25:23 · answer #9 · answered by Starte Christ 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋
your man is a turd, lose him, dont be so pathetic, he will do it agian...you can do better!
2007-09-18 03:16:05 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋