i've been married for a few years and have experienced contradicting things.but some of the things i can't forget was being battered once in a while, but not that often. my husband said i deserve to be hit because of who i am..i'm really tired now..i'm in a foreign country and i feel all alone amidst all this. until one day i met someone who is nice..we are still on the getting to know each other stage. i thought that we would stop communicating after he found out i'm in an abusive marriage. when i spoke to him again, he asked first if i moved out and have left the guy who hurt me. i told him , i'm still living with my husband.i didn't tell him its because i can't afford to move out yet. the new guy told me before that i have many excuses on not having the courage to leave. my questions are: how do i leave and start or all over again? how do i heal so i can love again? what do you think of the new guy after what he said? what should i do for myself and for a new chance at love?
2007-09-17 18:00:23 · 14 answers · asked by hopingndreaming 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR YOUR RESPONSES.
2007-09-17 23:58:12 · update #1
No one deserves to be in an abusive relationship. It's tough to leave a relationship, especially you can't afford to do so. Think about how happy you will be after you leave that relationship. That's why many women are victims of abusive relationship because they cannot afford to leave.
2007-09-17 18:14:11 · answer #1 · answered by Wild Ginger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I was in an abusive marriage for almost 5 years. I finally got pregnant and left for my child's safety. My ex-husband was abusive towards me on a daily basis. They always say the same thing you getting hit was your fault. This is the way they ease their conscience. They hit you because they are the weak and pathetic and feel some sick need to be dominant. I do not suggest, however, that you pursue a relationship with this new guy. After be in an abusive relationship your view of life and love as a whole has been compromised. You will find that you will just fall more easily for different P.O.S. There are all types of foundations geared toward helping women out of abusive relationships. You never know about this new guy he could really be one of the good ones or just see a vulnerable woman desperate for an "out" and in all reality be crazier than your husband. You will love again, in time though. Although you may not see it now, if you leave this man and give yourself the opportunity to heal, you will see that that relationship has made you stronger and wiser and hopefully more independent. This is a very touchy issue, but be certain that new guy or not you owe it to yourself to leave. Areal man would never lay his hands on you. By the way I am currently married again for almost 6 years, spoiled rotten and never abused. There is hope, you can go as far as YOU want.
2007-09-18 01:18:46 · answer #2 · answered by Amber B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You do deserve better.
I'm sure you've heard it so many times before. But it's time YOU start believing it too! You should get a divorce.
I think anyone who is genuine and nice, would want someone out of the situation you're in. Whether it's every day hitting you, or every once in awhile, its not healthy. New guy is right.
If you have any family or friends nearby, or even across the world, you should tell them.
Ask if you can stay with them until you're back on your feet, and can support yourself.
I understand you might be scared, and hesitant on leaving your husband, but it's something you NEED to do.
Your loved ones will support you, and try their best to help. Talk about it with them or even go to counseling. It'll take a while to heal from the things you went through.
There's always light at the end of the tunnel, you just need to believe in yourself enough to leave your husband, and find it.
I would even get a restraining order so after you find a place to stay, he can't come near you and hurt you. Try to hurry and find a place, pack your things when your husbands out or at work, and make your move. Don't tell him where you are, or anything. File for a divorce, and tell the cops of his abusive behavior at times.
Best of Luck
2007-09-18 01:13:56 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Those are some really difficult questions to answer. I can tell you that you do not deserve to be hit, and that you should leave your husband. I know it is easier said than done, since its a financial issue as well. Perhaps the first step would be to get a bank account in your own name (if you have a joint account) and start saving money to support yourself until you can get resettled. I think there are shelters and help organizations for victims of domestic violence that can help you, most of them have websites (just remember to delete your browser history if you share a computer). Of course, healing will take time. There are support groups that you can go to, but really, time is what it'll take. I can't really make an opinion on your new guy from the one comment, but regardless, it would be very healthy for you to try and get to know him better. Surely he is better than the situation you are in now. Best of luck to you, and I hope everything works out okay :-)
2007-09-18 01:15:00 · answer #4 · answered by Sarah 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
1. Get education and a job that will allow you to move out and afford to live on your own.
2. It takes time to heal. About 2 - 3 years. This is the kind of amount of time you will need to re-discover yourself.
3. After you re-discover yourself, you might find that you don;t like much this new guy at all anymore. You are in a SURVIVAL mode right now. In this mode, EVERY guy saying the right words you want to hear might sound like a "nice" guy to you. Be careful! Do not enter into a new relationship until you become completely independent, healed, and re-discover yourself.
4. If you decide to leave (and I personally think you should) you need a plan and you need a lot of patience. Depending on your financial prospects, the process might take years. You need a solid plan, set goals, determination, and patience. Your number one goal should be becoming financially independent and be able to pay your own bills.
2007-09-18 02:14:44 · answer #5 · answered by OC 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should definitely leave the abusive marriage. This guy that you met may be able to help you find a way to get out. Quit making excuses. I don't know what country you are in, but in the US we have places that help battered women get back on their feet.
Talk to this guy friend of yours and tell him the truth. Tell him that you can not afford to leave, but want to badly. Ask him if he knows of any help that is available for women in abusive marriages where you live.
This guy is right. You can not continue to make excuses for not leaving. You need to find out what it will take, and start working on getting out of there. I would not discuss this with your husband until you know what you have to do. Make sure that you have someone with you, such as the police to protect you when you do move.
2007-09-18 01:12:43 · answer #6 · answered by PEGGY S 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think what you should do for yourself is leave your husband. No one deserves to be hit and abused. Men who hit their wife's usually always blame it on them to justify why they do it. Leave him start over I am not necessarily saying go with the new guy because you are at a vulnerable stage right now and need sometime to yourself to see what you want for your future. Leave don't look back and realize that you deserve better and there is someone out there whether is the new guy or a different one that you will meet that will treat you and respect you and cherish you. I wish you luck and have the courage to stand up for yourself and say enough is enough I deserve better.
2007-09-18 01:10:02 · answer #7 · answered by MZ. Latina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should leave. Abuse is a deal breaker (just ask Dr. Phil!!). If you really wanted to leave you would find a way. There is welfare that gets you through the initial stages. Your life may not be rich, but you will get there. Forget the new guy. Just concentrate on yourself and getting yourself together. You will be no good in a new relationship until you have sorted yourself out and learnt to stand on your own two feet.
2007-09-18 01:07:18 · answer #8 · answered by jewel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Their is allot of nice guys out here but you need to heal first take the first year and stay out of any physical relationships and grow as a human first get to know you're self again believe me its worth it I was in the same situation for believe it or not 14 years I had kids involved though it was hard but it was the best thing I have ever did now I after a few hit and misses have the best lady ever and believe it or not we hooked up on classmates.com we went to high school together! we have been together going on four years now and we couldn't be happier! take you're time but get out of that relationship at all costs ! JUST DO IT!!!!!
2007-09-18 01:12:38 · answer #9 · answered by Turkish 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are in a difficult situation being in a foreign country.The other guy seems to be sympathetic and probably he can help. Talk to him about your situation in detail and ask for help.
Try and get a divorce by any means. Nothing good is going to come out of an abusive marriage.
2007-09-18 01:14:45 · answer #10 · answered by jillybilly 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋