{sorry guys&gals, just came down from manic town and this is what I wrote, a bit morbid}
Finally Dream
Slip inside my mind
and close you eyes
Listen to the voices
telling many lies
Lies about others
wanting me to believe
Especially the lies
they tell on me
Whispers low and frightening,
subtle touch
To pieces of my mind
used not so much
Rested dark and dormant,
simmering
Plotting an attack
on the pain they bring
Blades have scared my skin,
razors cold, profound
Lined up on the counter
for another round
Endorphins got the back
of my unsettled mind
Racing to fend off
what is not their kind
Blood drops hit the floor
almost deafening
Tonight I’ll close my eyes to
finally dream...
2007-09-17 16:08:18 · 13 answers · asked by ? 3 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Poetry
Honestly, I find it not crude enough, I know it is gloomy, but I also think that if your going for morbid, you should be shameless in your delivery, come out full with emotion and this poem scould really shock the reader.
2007-09-22 17:58:47 · answer #1 · answered by kissaled 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
A little something from the inner sanctum of the mind of a shadow. A fleeting thought, born of the helplessness of the moment and conjered from the thick forboding air swirling so ominously around our heads in the darkness. A final peaceful dream instead of the nightmares which threaten to destroy the last vestiges of our sanity.
After 20 odd years of such nightmares after returning from Viet Nam, and the episodes I went through so many times in my mind, that one hit quite close to home, Thank you for sharing.
2007-09-17 23:06:45 · answer #2 · answered by Dondi 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Oh my god! A rhyming poem I actually like! Ya know it's not easy for me to fall too much for any poem that rhymes, as most of the time it can sound like Dr. Sues... 'n if it doesn't, then it's usually bad anyways...
But this is neither of those things. It had good flow, good rhythm, I like what you wrote 'n how you wrote it. Unlike with some rhyming poetry I've read, this doesn't seem amateur at all. It has the depth 'n everything.
So brilliant work to you. Luck.
2007-09-18 10:43:45 · answer #3 · answered by Twili 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Fond of understatement, eh? More than "a bit" morbid. If this was a drink I'd call it a "Gloomy Mary."
2007-09-17 16:21:02 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
Dark but I like it
2007-09-22 16:14:12 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
hi toots...wow..that one is deep..but i dream quite often..mostly if i've had a rough day...the way your poem ended it made me think it might be the first and last dream of your life...scarry..hope not..i'l miss you...boy that sure is a mushy response...dream on shad..
zoom
2007-09-17 16:22:32 · answer #6 · answered by ? 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Great *snaps* thanks for sharing.
Here's a poem to help you on your way back on the manic train.
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-BLpcZD47dKNwJXLjVzPiryA-?cq=1&p=26
Then here's one for when you want to come down again.
http://blog.360.yahoo.com/blog-BLpcZD47dKNwJXLjVzPiryA-?cq=1&p=31
2007-09-17 17:32:30 · answer #7 · answered by joezen777 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Or............
Row, row, row your boat
Gently down the stream
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Life is but a DREAM
2007-09-23 23:18:02 · answer #8 · answered by Superman at 71 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the longer you stay up the more you can remember when you do fall asleep
2007-09-22 18:10:47 · answer #9 · answered by Jip Jip 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nice and mysterious.
2007-09-17 17:56:47 · answer #10 · answered by Ronnie 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋