I love my husband , but I'm not in love with him like I use 2 b when we first met. Things have changed since we've been married. We have1 child 2gether and he's not happy with his job. He's not putting any pressure on me. Lately, we've always arguing over the small issues. Nothing really get resolved right then or never. He wants to relocate near his mom. I'm cool about that, but he wants me 2 change his mind and head towards my family way. I've told him its fine moving towards his family way. With all this up n the air about his job, no communication, and with current job not making him happy, I believe I've fell out of love with him. 2 me its like he don't focus on us anymore. He use 2 do things that were cute or just because. Now all he do is stay 2 hisself and when I don't bother him he ask me why I haven't asked him whats wrong. I 2 the point where I might need some time 2 myself 2 figure out what I need and how 2 make me happy again.
2007-09-17 15:08:42 · 7 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
For better or for worse was the promise you made. How seriously did you take that? What kind of woman are you and what example do you want to set for your child?
He needs you now more than ever... would you want him to turn his back on you when you needed him most? I'm sure you wouldn't and if he did you would think he was the lowest form of life for being so selfish and only thinking of himself.
Just as you are now. You are as happy as you WANT to be and you are as in love as you WANT to be. Nothing stays the same... sometimes we love our spouses more, sometimes less... but what seperates us is the fact that some of us are mature enough to realize that and stick by our spouses despite it. We refocus ourselves to show more love to our spouses, to show more support... to find happiness in being there for them and making their day a little better and brighter.
Instead of dwelling in your sorrow and self pity try doing something nice for your husband and family. Instead of arguing, how about showing him some love and that you still appreciate him and all he does. It does take TWO to argue... so if you don't, then neither of you can.
No matter what anyone says, it's up to you to decide what kind of woman, mother, and wife you are. You are either one that can be depended on, trusted, and who is focused on your family's happiness more than your own.... or you are selfish, self pitying, and undependable... only worrying about yourself instead of the committment and promise you made not only to your husband, but to your child.
A person can be happy anywhere in any situation.... if they choose to be.
2007-09-17 18:43:46 · answer #1 · answered by az_mommma 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wrote this in response to a previous question. I hope it helps you, too. It's pretty lengthy.
All relationships evolve. "in love" the initial attraction, complete with blushes, racing heart, giggles.....aka the honeymoon period, for some people last a lifetime (very very rare, like a unicorn) When you get to know your man the next evolution is setting your mind to what kind of love gets you through the majority of "the rest of your lives". This is usually the time when you make your choices of what you want and what you are willing to settle for. People who have no common ground except sex, usually start to notice the marriage isn't what they expected and this is the critical moment where you decide (whether or not you really think it over) if you are going to put in the extra work it takes to make a good marriage or if you are going to sit on the sidelines and complain. It is also the time your spouse becomes your best friend or your enemy. You choose whether you are there to support all he/she does or if you are going to undermine most things he/she does. When you throw kids in during the honeymoon phase...you didn't give yourself time for the transition into friendship. Friendship is an overlooked requirement for a lasting relationship. Would you expect some of these things from your other close friend? A big mistake children marrying children have is that they are misled into the reasons to get married and they rush into it before they are mature enough. (I think anyone under 30 is still a child! no insult intended to anyone) Just because you got married does not mean you don't have a life of your own anymore....but it has to be within limits (the limits you set with your spouse determining what is appropriate) Even couples with the best of the best kind of marriage will tell you that the sun really does not rise and fall because of their loved one...they have some kind of life of their own, whether it is an absorbing career, extended family, clubs, friends... that they do not directly share. If you are missing the sparks of infatuation..they can be revived....it's all in your mindset. Alot of people think that love and the many different phases and forms are just something that happen and happiness is the responsibility of the other. I don't think that way. Love is learned. How to love is passed down from parents to their children. You are happy when you accept the fact that only you control what you do and only you know for sure what you really want...THEN GET IT! Some times you have to make compromises....NOT sacrifices. Talk to your loved one for starters if it is something he can do to help you. Just don't expect him to do it for you! The same applies to the other foot..What's good for the gander is good for the goose!
2007-09-18 02:46:05 · answer #2 · answered by peggy m 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The problem with most people is that they think that "Love" is just a feeling that you have, and they would be wrong. It goes way beyond that. Its also a decision.
When you "fall in love" its all hearts and flowers and the loving little things, and everything is so cute and pretty, you hope its never going to end. But that part can. Then one of two things can happen. Either you think to yourself "This isn't what I signed up for, so I quit" or you can think "This is a progress towards something different, deeper. I can grow in love, making the DECISION to work through the changes, to work TOGETHER towards a deeper understanding of who we are, both as individuals and as a couple".
If he's going through a hard time, with indecision and unhappiness, then he needs you by his side more than ever. And if your feeling lost and ignored then he needs to step up and help you through that too. Please don't give up yet.
It seems that the real problem here is one of communication. I really would suggest that both of you get some counseling. You need the tools to help you build a stronger, more secure, more loving marriage, and I really think that you two will find it worth it.
2007-09-17 15:33:41 · answer #3 · answered by Barb Outhere 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the stress of life is getting to you i suggest spending some quality alone time with your husband and don't disscuss stressful things in your life just enjoy each other.... just try and remember what made you fall in love in the first place once you remeber that working out the issues you have will be a lot easier
2007-09-17 15:22:49 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No one teaches the most important thing to young couples before they get married. No one tells them the truth. When the honeymoon is over, times will get rough. It is never, ever easy sailing. It takes work and effort to stay in love and only those that fight for their marriages survive the divorce. You have not said that he is unfaithful, you have not said that he beats you, you have not said that he doesn't love you.. honey (not saying this mean) you need to grow up... no one can make us happy, sometimes they do but only for short times. You have to decide that you will be a happy housewife and mother.... and try to make those around you happy first... it comes back....
2007-09-17 15:18:51 · answer #5 · answered by Tiny Jr. 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well dear..the best solution is try to understand him..he havent changed..its just the days have put some louds on his heart...be the sun and make all this clouds disapear...feel him...he is disapointed that he cant do the things he use to do as well!
plan his life for him coz at the moment he is dipressed..manage it step by step...for example...risolve the job issue first...then secondly move to the house issue..be his guide..am a guy...and i know guys when they have so much they jumble everything !
2007-09-17 15:48:50 · answer #6 · answered by aziz_aron 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes you can fall out of love with someone..it just happens..but you should be upfront with your husband about your feelings. it's only going to cause you more problems if you continue in the relationship feeling this way. you'll find yourself hating him or just hating the situation...more arguments, and more drama if your not upfront, open and honest
2007-09-17 15:17:08 · answer #7 · answered by made it to the top 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋