I will tell a story to answer this likeable question, I like the phrase "my ship came in!"
My friend, he has "schizophrenia", whatever that actually is. He is very far removed from normal society, not just because of his mind, but he lets his hair grow long and strangly, he has cerebral palsey and thus walks with an extreme gait, and bad teeth. In all the stock senses, he is "a freak".
I met him while working for a supported living agency as a paid roomate while putting myself through college after 7 or 8 years of working gas stations and delivery jobs, after having failed at trying to be a missionary and "give myself to God", after not being able to just "blend in" and "go with the flow". I volunteered to work with him, because they couldn't find anyone else, but secretly, I just like the stuff he said, which never made much sense. He was "crazy" in the truest sense, but I was just so fascinated by the things he said...He wasn't slow. Not retarded. Just freaky and weird. Little kids gawk at him like he's a monster when we are out in public, and not in a la la funny kid way, kids look at him and grab mommies leg, scared. It's heart breaking to watch an innocent child judge by their very nature of what they are taught to believe in. And all he's doing is walking along minding his own business....
At about this time, I had just re-united with one of those "missed opportunities" all the way back from my childhood. Ever watch those silly college movies showing people having fun, falling in love, crusing in freedom as happy teenagers, and think to yourself, I wish I had that...
Now think of the most beautiful wonderful happy sexual fulfilling socially gratifying mate in a childlike fairytale way. Before your heart was ever broken. Before you acquiesced that those silly dreams were just....childish. If you are married now, think back to before your first relationship, and remember times of loneliness and fantasizing. Think of how most people snapped out of this and eventually went on to fulfill a "normal relationship development" as western psychology might put it. Now, imagine that you didn't snap out of it. Imagine that you wanted that one true love. That perfect love that you drempt about and just kept holding on and on. The kind that you dream about as you lie away at night, looking up at the stars, and wonder if it is ever possible, hoping, believing, wondering? The kind of love needed..., that psychologists and popular movie scripts of serial killers portray as the stuff ending up in psychosis or murder. Now, let the possibility of that slowly die just as you first have it, for the first time! Running between your fingers, the smell of it fresh in your nostrils, the taste of someone's skin, being all consumed as never before. Not a bad dream. Not bad communication. Not even two people, willing to work it out, who are just different. I'm talking about....incarnating the life and story of the biblical figure JOB, it happens, to you, today!
Now, let dark waves of crippling depression and meaninglessness creep into the emotional corners of your psyche and surround you like a throng of demonic bullies, stabbing you with mysterious shaped sabers and laughing with cruel pleasure. Let yourself completely prostrate before the deepest most profound sense of God and religion that you can muster, like a starving person, dying of thirst, stumbling out of the desert, approaching a giant jar of sweating iced-tea with lemons, then step through it, back into the desert hallucinating with anxiety, falling into a vortex of doom, emanating, from your chest. Prayers said. Christ accepted. Koran explored, Hare Krisna chanted. Can't sleep, can't eat, can't hold yourself up.
Then, in the depths, you hear a soft broken voice in the next room singing out of key, from the monster, the freak, the one who has never gotten to flirt let alone be close to a girl...
I. overture
And the meek shall inherit the earth.
Ii. the temples of syrinx
... the massive grey walls of the temples rise from the
Heart of every federation city. I have always been awed
By them, to think that every single facet of every life is
Regulated and directed from within! our books, our music,
Our work and play are all looked after by the benevolent
Wisdom of the priests...
Weve taken care of everything
The words you hear the songs you sing
The pictures that give pleasure to your eyes
Its one for all and all for one
We work together common sons
Never need to wonder how or why
We are the priests of the temples of syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls
We are the priests of the temples of syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls
Look around this world we made
Equality our stock in trade
Come and join the brotherhood of man
Oh what a nice contented world
Let the banners be unfurled
Hold the red star proudly high in hand
We are the priests of the temples of syrinx
Our great computers fill the hallowed halls.
We are the priests of the temples of syrinx
All the gifts of life are held within our walls.
Iii. discovery
... behind my beloved waterfall, in the little room that was
Hidden beneath the cave, I found it. I brushed away the
Dust of the years, and picked it up, holding it reverently in
My hands. I had no idea what it might be, but it was
Beautiful ...
... I learned to lay my fingers across the wires, and to turn
The keys to make them sound differently. as I struck the
Wires with my other hand, I produced my first harmonious
Sounds, and soon my own music! how different it could
Be from the music of the temples! I cant wait to tell the
Priests about it! ...
What can this strange device be?
When I touch it, it gives forth a sound
Its got wires that vibrate and give music
What can this thing be that I found?
See how it sings like a sad heart
And joyously screams out its pain
Sounds that build high like a mountain
Or notes that fall gently like rain
I cant wait to share this new wonder
The people will all see its light
Let them all make their own music
The priests praise my name on this night
Iv. presentation
... in the sudden silence as I finished playing, I looked up
To a circle of grim, expressionless faces. father brown
Rose to his feet, and his somnolent voice echoed
Throughout the silent temple hall. ...
... instead of the grateful joy that I expected, they were
Words of quiet rejection! instead of praise, sullen
Dismissal. I watched in shock and horror as father brown
Ground my precious instrument to splinters beneath his
Feet...
I know its most unusual
To come before you so
But Ive found an ancient miracle
I thought that you should know
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
Theres something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you
Yes, we know its nothing new
Its just a waste of time
We have no need for ancient ways
The world is doing fine
Another toy will help destroy
The elder race of man
Forget about your silly whim
It doesnt fit the plan
I cant believe youre saying
These things just cant be true
Our world could use this beauty
Just think what we might do
Listen to my music
And hear what it can do
Theres something here as strong as life
I know that it will reach you
Dont annoy us further
We have our work to do
Just think about the average
What use have they for you?
Another toy will help destroy
The elder race of man
Forget about your silly whim
It doesnt fit the plan
V. oracle: the dream
... I guess it was a dream, but even now it all seems so
Vivid to me. clearly yet I see the beckoning hand of the
Oracle as he stood at the summit of the staircase ...
... I see still the incredible beauty of the sculptured cities
And the pure spirit of man revealed in the lives and works
Of this world. I was overwhelmed by both wonder and
Understanding as I saw a completely different way to life,
A way that had been crushed by the federation long ago. i
Saw now how meaningless life had become with the loss
Of all these things ...
I wandered home though silent streets
And fell into a fitful sleep
Escape to realms beyond the night
Dream cant you show me the light?
I stand atop a spiral stair
An oracle confronts me there
He leads me on light years away
Through astral nights, galactic days
I see the works of gifted hands
That grace this strange and wondrous land
I see the hand of man arise
With hungry mind and open eyes
They left the planets long ago
The elder race still learn and grow
Their power grows with purpose strong
To claim the home where they belong
Home, to tear the temples down...
Home, to change..
Vi. soliloquy
... I have not left this cave for days now, it has become
My last refuge in my total despair. I have only the music of
The waterfall to comfort me now. I can no longer live
Under the control of the federation, but there is no other
Place to go. my last hope is that with my death I may pass
Into the world of my dream, and know peace at last.
The sleep is still in my eyes
The dream is still in my head
I heave a sigh and sadly smile
And lie a while in bed
I wish that it might come to pass
Not fade like all my dreams
Just think of what my life might be
In a world like I have seen
I dont think I can carry on
Carry on this cold and empty life
Oh...noo!
My spirits are low in the depths of despair
My lifeblood spills over..
Vii. grand finale
Attention all planets of the solar federation
Attention all planets of the solar federation
Attention all planets of the solar federation
We have assumed control.
We have assumed control.
We have assumed control.
.......
I watch him now, closely. He just sits there in a chair, and listens to the same songs, over and over and over again, staring off into space. He ignores me completely until I call out to him, and say, "hey, what are you thinking about?" He says "can you skip to track 13?":
Why try? I know why
The feeling inside me says it's time I was gone
Clear head, new life ahead
I want to be king now not just one more pawn
Moon rise, thoughtful eyes
Staring back at me from the window beside
No fright or hindsight
Leaving behind that empty feeling inside
Start a new chapter
Find what I'm after
It's changing every day
The change of a season
Is enough of a reason
To want to get away
Quiet and pensive
My thoughts apprehensive
The hours drift away
Leaving my homeland
Playing a lone hand
My life begins today
Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night, goodbye my dear
My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend
.....
The very last person on earth, that I ever thought I would find any gleam of happiness from, the one ridiculed, laughed at, mocked by children, talks in oracle-like non-sense non-stop, showed me in some invisible, magical, unseen way...the opening of the third eye, the lost art of "the seer", time travel....the light at the end of the tunnel.
The ship is a brand new religion, that you create. Not the philosphies of men. Not mankind's monlogue on "Christianity", but just as he said: "No one can come to the father, except by me". Say that aloud, to yourself now. What is on that ship you ask? I call them "the unspeakable names" they can only be felt in vibrations, there are no words. The names themselves are spiritual sound, they have no language in this world. But "the ship" is FULL of these sounds, inside the ship. I look at the ship, and I see myself on that ship, and I wonder, what am I bringing?
Imagine the deepest love emerging from the pure service of others. Love transcending sex, money, mates, material goods, cars, knowledge...So ironic. The least of my brethern, the cast-aways, they saved me when I saw that I might serve them. I end the story with this quote, from the nearly destroyed gnostic Gospel of Thomas:
Jesus said, "I am not your master. Because you have drunk, you have become drunk from the bubbling stream which I have measured out.... He who will drink from my mouth will become as I am: I myself shall become he, and the things that are hidden will be revealed to him."
Einstein was right: E=MC^2
Watch out for those theologians.
2007-09-18 00:00:36
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answer #6
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answered by jmoponfire 1
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