My husband has been gone for almost 4 months and at first we would stay on the phone or on messenger for as long as we could to talk . For the past month it feels like we have nothing to say to each other anymore. I try to bring up things to talk about but I only get a one word answer and nothing else. I have asked him to talk to me more but he doesnt see anything different. Any ideas how to spice up a long distance marraige?
2007-09-17 14:52:57 · 8 answers · asked by nannangel79 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am a husband who has gone through this while in Iraq.
My opinion is that the "spice" can't be there. Sometimes it makes it more difficult to think about the physical side of the marriage. The connection that you have to maintain is something deeper. When my wife would only tell me how much she missed me, it didn't make me feel like she cared how I felt. It wasn't true, but that's how it felt. It was nice to hear what the children were up to, but it just made me sadder to miss them. The connection of the two of you as individuals who love, care for, and really understand each other, is what will carry you through. If that's not there, the marriage is going to suffer in the end.
Care packages were the best thing, but it has to be stuff that has some meaning, like treats that only SHE knows that I like, especially if I didn't remind her. The time I got Circus Peanuts was perfect. She let the kids pick out stuff too, which tended to show their personality. When they sent me the Birthday Box, each child picked out part of the decor. I had Veggie Tales, Spider-Man and Dora themes to the party. I knew exactly which child each element of the party had come from and it was fun and special to get that and even more to have the opportunity to use it.
I didn't care about the sexy picture thing. What I wanted was someone who was interested and involved with how my year (15 months) was going to go. I didn't want to talk about my job. I wanted to talk about what we were going to do on R&R (not just that, either). I liked to make plans for what was going to happen when I came home again. Looking forward to the future is what made each day passable.
2007-09-17 20:22:04 · answer #1 · answered by The Babe is Armed! 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Is this your first time away from each other? Try writing letters or emails instead. I'm sure you already do, but send him care packages every week so he knows you are thinking about him. Let him know you are still interested in him. Take sexy pin up pictures and send them to him. I don't know what his job is or where he is stationed. But depending on where he is at he may just be tired or mentally drained. It takes a lot out of you to be over there. Tell him that he can talk to you about anything. Even things that are going on over there. Because that's his life now. That is all he is going to have to talk to you about when you do talk. Just let him know that you're going to be here for him when he gets back. Try to keep a positive attitude. I know it's hard because he is being so distant but it will help a lot. I don't know if you have a myspace or not but here is a site that will help you out: http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.ListAll&friendID=219631993
Another good web site is semperfisweethearts.org They will for sure have some more ways for you to connect with your husband. Good luck and God bless!
2007-09-17 15:09:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just think about it for a second.
He has been over there for 4 months. He would be doing the exact same thing all day everyday. Quite monotonous dont you think? Nothing really exciting would be going on in his day, and lots going on in yours. He would be feeling jealous, depressed and lonely all at the same time.
Try not to talk everyday, send him care packages with little love notes in them, photos of you and your children(if you have any) send cookies, candy or other things to remind him of home, maybe even some sexy photos of you.
Just remember, its not a happy place he is in right now. You have to be a little forgiving of him and give him a break.
2007-09-17 15:10:08 · answer #3 · answered by Suzieq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I think you need to spice things up...of course you need to write him letters and send care packages with all his favorites in it...but you can also send a sweet e-mail, Take a picture of yourself naked, and send it to him in the mail, and the one I like best of all, GET YOU A WEBCAM AND SURPRISE HIM ONE DAY BY BEING ON THERE NAKED! (do whatever your imagination will let you, don't be shy, he's your husband) He will love it, I know my husband does. He's in Iraq too! Try it. Good luck.
2007-09-17 15:33:45 · answer #4 · answered by fglns 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Send him silly cards and care packages. He has more on his mind right now other than average marital stuff. Send him things that are upbeat and happy......try not to get into any big discussions about things he has no control over.....be his support system. Things will fix themselves once he is home.
2007-09-17 15:08:18 · answer #5 · answered by Lisa W 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with the lady above me....by writing letters you have a chance to say a lot more to one another...you have time to think about what to say...and there will always be that letter to hold on to.
2007-09-17 15:01:07 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Write letters instead.
2007-09-17 14:58:55 · answer #7 · answered by Sweet Suzy 777! 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Probably talking to much
2007-09-17 15:01:06 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋