Sleeping in seperate rooms! Please help!?

Question

I cheated on my husband well not really cheated but I just kissed another guy. I wasn't going to tell him but some body was blackmailing me and I had to tell him the truth. He got mad and yelled at me then moved out of our bedroom to one of the guest rooms down the hall yesterday. I was so upset and when I tried to talk to him about it he walked away. i really want things back the way they were, because I love him and I had a lot of trouble sleeping last night because I wasn't in his arms as I have been for the past 5 years and the fact that he's so mad at me. what can I do?

Answer 1

Let him cool down first, then try to talk to him again. You should have been honest with him before the blackmailing started.

Answer 2

Things will never be the way they were, but with work on your relationship it could be better than before. I doubt that kissing another man was the start of your problems. The kiss just brought it to a head. If your relationship were as healthy as it should have been the temptation would have never been there to start with. Give your husband space to think and apologize to him sincerely. Avoid saying things such as "I'm sorry but..." because trying to make excuses will only make matters work. You violated trust and it is hard, but not impossible, to get past that. It is going to be up to you to do the most work on repairing the damage though, and it is going to take time. Try to understand why your husband is mad instead of focusing so much on wanting to get past it. You cheated because you didn't play by the rules of marriage. Unless you consider kissing other people fair for you and your husband then you violated the fair rules and that is CHEATING. You may not have had a full blown affair, but you did cheat. When you stop rationalizing and really understand what you did discuss it with your husband and then listen to what he has to say. I think at this point a good marriage counselor is necessary. He can help you and your husband communicate better so that in the future you two can work out problems instead of acting out.

Answer 3

I'm sorry but things won't ever be the same they were. They can be better than they are, though. Five years is a long time, I know, I just ended a five year relationship with my children's father. It was hard, it took us a whole six months to actually separate. You just have to make a decision... is it worth working on, or would you be happier elsewhere? If you kissed another person, there must have been something wrong in the relationship to begin with. Don't feel horrible about what you did, because it doesn't necessarily mean your a bad person or a bad girlfriend. But do apologize, and if you want to be with him, explain that you want to do what it takes to correct what's wrong in the relationship. Find out if he feels the same way and go from there. I'm sorry I can't be of more help, but you're the only person who can make this choice, and the only person who has to live with it. Good luck, Hun.

Answer 4

I hope there are no children. Well give him a beak .You hurt this man very very deeply. I mean DEEPLY. It will take a long long time. Look at this way how would you have reacted. He is parable one of the good guys. How is he to trust you. Never again will he. He will come back to the bed room but in time. Give him his space. But do not be surprised if you get dumb. If you are good woman about it walk away take only what you have belongs to you. Leave his money and things a lone. This will show him that you really love and you are sorry. Don't date for a year or two he will be watching. He may come back. But remember you messed up a good mans life and he will never trust a norther woman.

Answer 5

Well first off you have a big problem because you are not looking at it like you cheated on him and that is exactly what you did it doesnt have to be physicall yhte act of sex to be considered cheating you were way in the wrong but there is nothing you can do righ tnow you have to give him his space and let him think about things before he is gonna even be willing to listen to you..how would you feel if you found out he had kissed another women, that his lips were on some other womens lip and maybe even another toungue had touched his..???I know that you wouldnt be ok with that you guys are supposed to have a something special and you ruined that trust that he had in you and pretty much just threw that away..You need to realize it wasnt just a kiss there is a reason you did it and you need to figure out why..and if you think that it was just a kiss no big deal you are with the wrong man because it wasnt "just" a kiss to your husband it was much more it was you breaking his heart...you are acting like you were just talking to another man you need to realize what you did before you even talk to him cuz if you come to him with "It was just a kiss" it isnt gonna fly with him until then you need to give him space

Answer 6

No, you were right the first time - you cheated on your husband. Kissing is cheating.

Tell him again how sorry you are -- tell him that being without him at night made you realize again how much you would miss him if you didn't have him, and how truly stupid you were to risk everything you have with him, but don't expect him to forget everything quickly.

In kissing that other man, you gave away something that belonged to your husband - you. And it may take a long time for him to get over it and be able to process and understand why you did this.

It would be a good idea for you to process this and reflect on why you do that, as well.

Answer 7

Firstly being blackmailed over just a kiss seems improbable to say the least. It sounds liker there's more to this. But to what you should do.
Of course he's offended, firstly you kissed someone else, and then you HID IT until there was someone blackmailing you. He probably feels that you wouldn't have told him at all, if you hadn't been forced to. And he's probably wondering is that all that happened? How many times have you done this? Are there others? And depending on his culture - How is he going to get over the shame of a wife like you?
You need to firstly address the reason why YOU felt the need to kiss someone else. And why you felt a. it was OK for you to do that, and b. what was it that you wanted to happen there? So that you can tell him why it happened. Believe me "I was drunk" or "It just happened" isn't going to cut it.
Then you need to acknowledge that YOU hurt him, his feelings, and his relationship with you. Then YOU have to work out what it would take to repair the damage.

Answer 8

First of all...what was going through your head kissing another man and in front of someone who could rat you out? This is going to be a tough situation for awhile. But yes, you need to talk to him and you better be right up front and truthful, try to explain the situation that led to that kiss ( was it an old friend? or someone you you just met?) Either way its going to be hard and he will undoubtedly take a long time to trust you again if he gets over this. You must tell him that hes the only one that really matters to you and that you love him with all your heart and that it was an innocent incident and it will never ever happen again. Now you will have to cater to his better side and take care of him every way you know how. But be mindful, he will have that in the back of his mind unless you can make him forget it. Good luck !

Answer 9

What was it that made you kiss that guy to begin with? Were you and your hubby having marital problems? Because I don't see why you would kiss another guy if you love your husband. If you really care for him and love him, you are going to have to work really hard to gain back his trust. First and foremost you have to ask for his forgiveness. Then little by little you have to win him back into your bedroom. If he loves you, as I think he does. He is going to forgive you. But it is going to take some time. He has a lot in his mind right now. It is not easy for him to understand why you would do something like that. You are going to have to be patient. Like I said is not going to be easy. If you two love each other enough to overcome this obstacle, in the end is going to make you both stronger and wiser about love. Good luck.

Answer 10

It's going to take time for him to get over this. You need to explain to him that it was just a kiss and you didn't mean for it to happen. It went no further than just the kiss. Be understanding of his feelings. Do not pressure him to come back to the bedroom or anything like that. He will get over the kiss eventually. The other important item is the make up sex. Satisfy is sexually needs fully, and as often as possible.

Answer 11

Well first of all... what kind of kiss was it? A little peck, a make-out session, a passionate, romantic kiss... The type of kiss matters a little bit. If it was just a little peck, then say that it was just a friendly hello/good-bye because your good friends with the person and it didnt mean anything. If it was a huge, romantic kiss... then why did you do it? You can try telling him that you love him, and you would never do something like this to hurt him again, but try to prove it to him somehow. If he won't listen, write him a note telling him how much you love him and put it on his bed or dresser.

~hope it all works out
-allie