He lived with his mistress for 4 months while I was out of the country for work. When I came back, he says he cheated because he was lonely that I wasn't there beside him. It's been a couple of months now, and I just found out that he is still seeing his mistress, he never broke it off with her. So it can't be because he is "lonely." All this time he has been sneaking around behind my back. Does he love her? If so, why doesn't he just divorce me and our 2 kids? That mistress of his is younger, rich, lives in nice place.
I don't get it. Every night he comes home to me. But most afternoons, he stops by her place. I don't think he loves her, so why is he still seeing her?
2007-09-17 14:23:44 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am in the same situation - reversed. I am the other party. The woman I am having an affair with constantly expresses her feelings for me (always as like, never as love). We have been friends for about a year - her spouse, her and I. We on occassion discuss things they do together and that we both know he would be hurt if he found out. I don't think it's because she's lonely. I think it's because there is no pressure as a couple. No pressure for things to work. Her and I will always be friends no matter what. To me, it seems as if sex has only magnified our friendship. I care deeply for her. I honestly think it's the "no stress" relationship. I hope this rambling makes sense. Good luck.
2007-09-17 14:35:12 · answer #1 · answered by The Other O 1 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Number one: Even if it was because he was lonely- that's NO excuse. You're making it sound like an excuse when you say "I just found out that he is still seeing his mistress, he never broke it off with her. So it can't be because he is lonely."
Number two: Whether he loves her or not is beside the point if he's still seeing her. He's cheating on you. That should be enough for you to leave, especailly if he's not planning on breaking it off... you say he comes home to you everynight, it's almost like you're helping it happen by being there when he comes home (not by physically being there of course, but by caring)
Number three: "why doesn't he just divorce me and our 2 kids" - this statement is awful. NEVER put your kids into the divorce scenerio like that. What happens between you and your husband is what happens... and regardless of that, those kids deserve their father and he deserves them.
Now please understand, I AM NOT on his side here. He is wrong. And I know it hurts. But, honey, you have to be more grounded than that. I know you love him but you cannot let him use your love for him as the utensil he eats both cakes with. Don't let him run you like this. Walk away. It will be hard, but in the end you'll still have your mind. Think about where your mind will be if it's seven or eight years from now and you're still at home everytime he comes home after he goes to see her first... think about what that will do to you.
You'll feel worthless and alone. Don't let your kids see this. Leave now and if he grows up then eventually, not anytime soon, and if you haven't moved on, then you can let him back in. Right now, walk away.
2007-09-17 21:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by shellj_foxy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one wants a divorce and custody battle. It's too costly on every level. He has been having his cake and eating it too. The ball is in your court. Set your terms - what ever they are and be firm. But then you must be willing to follow through.
If you don't want to lose him - you may be forced to put up with this behavior. Unless you can police him 24-7, you cannot control what another person does. He is making excuses regarding companionship. A friend of mine has been faithful to her husband for over a year while he was in Iraq.
I think it is in his nature to cheat although he still loves you. Some people do this. Some people have open marriages rather than divorce. If you don't want infidelity in your life - give him an ultimatum and then follow through. Otherwise - you are stuck with his pattern of behavior.
2007-09-17 21:49:46 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you have a job that can support you and your kids leave him. You deserve better life. He is not lonely but he wants to have another woman. He don't love you if he loves you he will never do that until now.It doesn't matter he loves that woman or not.
He wants to look good in front everyone that's why he doesn't divorce you. He wants people said he is still a responable husband and father.
My husband also having affair now but i'm not leaving him yet cause i gave up my job for him. I gave up too much for him. If i divorce him now i'll lost my child. I can not let this happen. I need to have a job before i leave him. He said he loves me very much,our child too . He feel sinful but he need to balance his life. It's ridiculous. Balance his life with having affair? Feel sinful but no regret ?
Men are selfish. If they have affair they will find any excuse for themselves or even worst blame his wife for that.
If you still want to give him a chance then ask him. What he wants now? Family or that woman? But be prepare for the worst. And make sure you can accept him again if not don't ask. Just leave.
Once a cheater always a cheater. It sound not fair but... that is what always happen.
If i were you i'ii definetely leave him but make sure you get all what you and your kids should have. No compromise on it.
Have a better life with you kids. Show him you can live without him even better. Make him regret and never bring him back to your life.
Make a wise decision for yourself.
2007-09-18 00:49:08 · answer #4 · answered by Honey 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Now is the time for you to come to your senses
and be a woman and not take anymore of his crap.
You need to think of you and your childrens future
and if that means being without him then so be it.
Yes it is difficutl but life is difficult. You need to sit
him down at this point and tell him exactly what it
is that bothers you and what you expect from him
for both you and your children. If need be
seperate and that way both of you are given a
space to think things over, and at that time he
needs to prove to you that you and the children
are the only one for him. If he does not change
then that should be the eye opener for you to go
on with your life and just make sure if that comes
then you need to make arrangements for him to
support you and the kids still. You have a heavy
load to carry , but you are a woman, and women
survive just as men do. You need to be strong,
demand your respect, give him a chance to
change, and if he does not then move on and
hold your head up high and continue with life,
and you will see how much better you will feel
down the road. Good luck.
2007-09-17 21:47:11 · answer #5 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is a jerk.
Not knowing you or your husband, but having friends who had similar problem, it isn't going to be easy.
First where were the children while you were out of the country? If they were with him, all of this will be confusing to the children.
Apparently he is lying to you about breaking it off with her, so he will lie to you about other things in your relationship. Lonely is an excuse, many couples are apart for longer periods and not unfaithful.
It is called "Having his cake and eating too!"
One you can ask him to go to a marriage counselor, either to work the marriage out or to work out of the marriage. If you give him an ultimatum, be sure you can stand behind it. Trust will be hard to rebuild if you want this marriage. But you need to find out if he wants this marriage. He needs to realize that he is the one who has to build the trust. By seeing the "other woman" he isn't doing that. He is straddling the fence with you. Your his comfort, she's his excitement.
Your in a tough spot. I wish you and your children the best.
2007-09-17 22:48:56 · answer #6 · answered by smwbugging 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex..It's a powerful drive in men..Love usually has nothing to do with it.. Even if you're a good wife, now that you're back, he's gotten a taste of honey from her and he's apparently not willing to give it up..Either put up with it, or file for divorce. Sorry but that seems to be your only choices. Best of Luck to You.
2007-09-17 21:37:03 · answer #7 · answered by Joanie 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He doesn't love you. He's a conn artist, liar, cheater, snake in the grass. He doesn't file for a divorce because life is all about him. He likes using you and her both. It is in your best interest to file for a divorce, recover, then move on and find a man of high moral character.
2007-09-18 02:11:26 · answer #8 · answered by Sondra 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave him. He's just like those other b*stards. He won't leave her. Or maybe he wants both.
If he's cheating on you he can cheat on you again and again. Not worth it. You're just hurting yourself more over the time.
2007-09-17 21:44:33 · answer #9 · answered by Nicey 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He goes there to ahve sex and to chat with her. She doesn't mind if he comes and goes so he goes to her all the time. Also he is falling in love with her. So talk to him and tell him how you feel and have him get over her or leave.
2007-09-17 21:44:57 · answer #10 · answered by Always ready for anything 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋