Consideration in marriage. Am I asking too much? Men, your responses are appreciated.?

Question

My husband and I have been together for 4 yrs, married for 3 1/2. We have a toddler and a baby on the way. Lately we've hit some rough patches and even went to talk to a divorce lawyer although we haven't gone back because we want it to work.
Here's my question: I ask him to be more considerate in the way he treats me. He wants me to be more considerate in giving him space (even though we don't see each other hardly at all Monday - Friday) but he still says he needs space for us to work.
I came up with a compromise about his needing space. Two nights a month he goes out with his work buddies (remember, we really only get to spend time together on the weekends because of our schedules so by giving him 2 days away from me, I'm only left with 6 days.) Also, I agreed that once a year he gets a four-five day vacation break and I get one too (if I so choose to take it. Probably won't.)
Is this considerate of me or not?

And as far as him for me, I've asked him for these things in return:
1.) call if he's going to be late
2.) let me know like 12 hrs in advance if he's going to be going out, just so I know what's going on.
3.) let me know 2 weeks in advance before he leaves town for the mini vacation
4.) try not to gripe me out all the time about stupid things that don't matter
5.) talk to me more, hug me and kiss me more
6.) Spend time with me (not just running errands and things like that, but real time, like the movies or out to eat)
Am I asking too much?

What do you consider to be "consideration in marriage"??? What do you and your spouse do for the other that you don't really want to do, but it's the right or nice thing to do?

Answer 1

Marriage is a give an take kinda of thing. Your
husband says he needs his space and from the
looks of things you do also.
The listing that you described is okay, however
one thing; when couples are married a list of who
can do what is not necessary, why because when
two beautiful people get married and are loving
and caring for each other, then agreements should
be made from the love side of the house. When
one starts dictating what the other should or
can-not due then the marriage is just a word.
Why do married couples need to dictate what one
or the other can do. Couples need to sit down and
understand what it is that bothers one or the other
then try and work out their differences.
Honesty and trust plays a major role and you
should not have to tell your husband if he comes
home late to call you or if he changes his curricu-
lum to give you a weeks notice as husbands and
wives do not live like that. Your husband should
automatically know what it is that he needs to do
just as you should know. These little bikkerings
and carring on can lead to a marriage falling apart.
Both of you need to respect each other and each
others needs and be understanding of one
another and the rest will fall in place. I have been
married for over 20yrs and I am different from
most and everything I want to do I want to do with
my wife and I never leave her behind and she
never leaves me behind, and yes we do have our
space, but it's not too far from each other as we
are always by each other's side. Talk to your
husband and both of you need to come to an
understanding, as too much work can cause
stress in a marriage. Good luck.

Answer 2

Foxy,
look - nothing against you or what you did here, but am I the only one here who thinks you bent over backwards? I mean "separate vacations"? A toddler and another baby on the way and this guy wants to go out with his buddies "2 nights a month"? In addition to this he has to be reminded to give you a "call if he is late"? He also is to give you 12 hours advanced notice if he is going out?

Wow! You can live with this? He obviously has no problem and I am trying to figure out how he "sleeps" at night. What happens when your 3 year old is now 7 and in either Cubscouts or Girlscouts, plays soccer, wants to go for walks and has to forego all of that because Daddy is out with "the boys"?

I do not know your particular situation, the strength of your relationship, or how you two met. Is this what you thought all of that would lead into?

Best of luck and I am REALLY sorry to hear of this crap - you deserved better, not an adolescent for a husband.

I didn't mean to ramble here - but this just garbage.

09/18/07 PM: FoxyM - I had to revisit this question today; for some unknown reason it just "bugged me". I hope for the sake of your current child, the one expected, and yourself that something other than what you proposed can be worked out. However, I find it difficult to believe that you yourself would find the terms "acceptable" as delivered to your husband by you. You can't tell me that this is what you expected - why would you tolerate anything less than what you deserve in your relationship? (No answer required - just consider the thought and implications).

Best to you!

Answer 3

umm depends if your a rocket (you know if your ugly or hot) then maybe. But not gonna lie this guy seems legit. Coming from someone who only puts in effort when i actually want to be serious with a girl so he seems genuine. But on the other hand, when i like a girl a lot ill do nice things for her (take her out, buy her something meaningful, make her have a nice time) not just try to sleep with her.. mans gotta get his priorities strait. If he ONLY wnats to sleep with you then id say dip and leave, because from personal experience if i like a girl its not about sex because i know it will eventualllllly come but im not in any rush.. know what i mean

Answer 4

I hate to tell you but things won't really get any better until you both are on the same page. Maybe he's not matured in some areas in order to be that great husband. Maybe he has some unresolved issues that are causing him to isolate himself from you. there may be a deeper root to "space" with him. Get yourself things to do such as classes, hobbies, and outings that you can build a better you. If things don't work out, you won't be left feeling unworthy but worthy of better.

Answer 5

I think you did just fine.