I told my husband that I had been keeping a considerable amount of credit card debt from him. I was trying to pay it off on my own because it was my responsibility and I was scared to tell him because I didn't want him to think I was irresponsible (which I obviously was anyway). Now that I have come clean, we have agreed that he would take charge of the finances and bills, which I am fine with. We both are saving receipts from everything and putting them into an excel spreadsheet, so I am forced to be accountable for all my expenses. We took out a loan to pay for our debt. When I told him about my debt, I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders, but now, I feel depressed all the time. I feel so guilty about ruining his finances and not being honest with him. He has told me that he won't ever forget what I've done, but we will work through it. But he definitely still gets mad at me for it and I feel like I deserve everything bad that happens to me for doing this..
2007-09-17 14:13:15 · 8 answers · asked by LAB03 2 in Business & Finance ➔ Personal Finance
I feel like I can't be happy or don't have a right to be when I have put us in this situation. I feel extremely guilty for everything good that I have...I even offered to sell some of my jewelry to help pay back the loan (he said no). We are not really celebrating our 1st anniversary because we are strapped for money because of me. My mom wanted to take me to NYC for the day to celebrate my birthday and I felt so guilty that I made up some excuse that I couldn't go. I guess my question is how do I stop feeling this way, or will I ever? I am just so ashamed and dissappointed in myself and I beleive my husband is too. Any advice?
2007-09-17 14:17:50 · update #1
Look - everyone makes mistakes, some bigger than others. What's important is that you've confessed and the two of you are working to resolve the problem.
Sometimes feeling bad is a good thing - it's what keeps us from making the same mistake again. It would really be a problem if you didn't feel bad and did the same thing over again.
You're husband is rightfully wary. It will take time for you to earn his trust back again. Be sure to tell him that he's a wonderful man for working with you to fix the problem, that you need him, and that you'll do everything you can to earn his trust back. It may take months or even years, but it sound like you're on the right track. Good luck.
2007-09-17 14:30:18 · answer #1 · answered by Marko 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know how you feel. For the first time in my life I bounced a check, and my rent in fact. By the time I realized I had no money, it was too late. I was totally depressed about it even though I was able to scrounge the money to pay it. It was definitely a wake up call for me. I realized I had to change a few things about myself.
Facing up to the fact that you spend too much money is a start. You feel guilty, that's understandable, but you're working towards fixing it. Don't let it get you down, it's just money. What you need to do is find things that are fun, that don't cost a lot of money. I now things are tense between the two of you, but make the guy a fancy dinner for your anniversary. Why do you need to go out? Things will be okay, just curb your spending.
2007-09-17 21:29:26 · answer #2 · answered by sadie m 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you need to build his trust up again. you came clean, and hopefully you didn't ruin his credit too bad. i hope that you continue to be honest with him. taking the loan out to pay other debts might not have been a smart thing to do, but it's done. you will always be in his head EVERY time he does the books. you need to also learn how to manage money as well, or you will revert back to before.
2007-09-17 21:23:48 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
what kind of debt did you keep from your husband. were the cards in both of your names or just yours..
being responsible with credit is hard.. my ex tried to drive my credit in the hole and I told him once the bills were paid he had his money and i had mine.. he started spending less to save for important things..
straight up though.. think about your spending.. was it really a necessity or a splurge. if you were splurging on stuff you really didnt need then he has every right to be upset.. and it will take him some time to get over it.. but honestly he will get past it in time. until then you need to hang in there and try to recover
2007-09-17 21:37:23 · answer #4 · answered by jeselynn_81 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find a way to pay some of it back by doing some sort of part time work. just hand him the money and tell him you will not take no for an answer. you could do something as simple as babysit. good luck.
2007-09-17 21:20:57 · answer #5 · answered by 27ysq 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you gotta do is just try something romantic to make up for it.Tell him how much your sorry,heck cry if you have to, just to show him how much your sorry about what you've done.When you have tried your best to tell him that your sorry and you cant do any more,then you'll feel justified.Here's a tip for you too,money is hard to come buy and easy to spend,so thing about that every time you thing about spending.
2007-09-17 21:30:26 · answer #6 · answered by TAMMY 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has every right to get mad......... You need to get a part time job AND MAKE SURE YOU SEND THAT MONEY TO PAY DOWN THE DEBIT......Not make more debit
2007-09-17 21:24:00 · answer #7 · answered by just me 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
you did this to him in the first year?????????????
Wow I see a divorce in your future.Were you out spending on a boyfriend?
2007-09-17 21:22:00 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 3⤋