My husband left me. Is it because of my hysterectomy?

Question

I am 27, my hysterectomy was done in 01/07. My doc did a total complete abdominal. Ever since I have not felt like the same person at all. Before I was in pain alot that is why my husband and I both thought this would be good. But now that I have physically recovered just fine, my hormones are a mess! They can not get me right after giving me many diff. types of hormones. I don't talk to my husband, I haven't had sex with my husband, it's like I am not married. We have been together 10 years and he is the love of my life. He had been telling something had to change or he was going to leave. He thinks that I just don't care and that I use my hysterectomy for an excuse on all of it. Well he left me 3 days ago and my world has come to a total end! He won't talk to me or anything, no matter how much I tell him I love him and want him he will not come home. He says I should have said all that sooner. I really can not take life right now and I feel like it just needs to end. What do i do?

To the asshole who says i am overweight. No I am not. And it's people like you that make people in my frame of mind to want to eat a bullet. Thanks

My husband is all I know. And on top of feeling empty and alone since my hysterectomy. Now I have nothing. I just can't figure out how to get past this. How do I make me better when i hate me?

Answer 1

You sound like you need to get your hormones squared away. Don't do anything rash...just go to your doctor. See if he will accompany you. You can both explain whats going on (his side will different, but your both seeing things differently right now), and maybe your doctor can help set his mind at ease that it will all be better. He must have his reasons, legit or not. Who knows dear, you may find that he's just being an *** and using this as an excuse.

Answer 2

You may need some psycological counseling to get your life back in track, a hysterectomy is a big change in a woman's life and it should be handled carefully to not cause deppression. Try to get some help. You must discover yourself inside again. After that, think that if your husband really loves you he should give you some more time and go to get some counseling with you. It's a long process what you're going trough but you can learn a lot from It, If your husband really turns his back on you and leaves you alone you can consider in moving on with your life and meet some people, It's not the end and probably he will come back after he sees you moving on and doing things for you. If he does come back try to think if what he done to you whouId be the choice you whould have taken in his place loving him like you do. have known a lot of young women that have been trough the same process and made It

Answer 3

It is so sad that the love of your life forget the in sickness in health part. Having a hysterectomy can really mess you up Have you tried changing to a different doc. Life really goes on. Right now you need to get yourself healthy. Once you do that then may be you can get your husband to see that you really love and desire him again and feel those feelings again. Sometimes I swear being a woman just sucks. Even if he is not there for you, you still have a LONG long life ahead of you. There are so many avenues you can take. I am a lot older than you and I have had a hysterectomy too. Keep looking for a Dr. who hears you. Good luck!

Answer 4

Hi I had a complete hysterectomy also plus 3 other surgeries with cysts. All this at 33. I am 40 now. I know how you feel. Your sex life is not any good and you feel moody and etc. Well this worked for me. At Sun Harvest or Whole foods. They make something called Menopausal support or female balance. They both work very well. I also take B complex that's suppose to work for the moods. I take Evening Primose oil and flaxseed oil for the bowel problems. Also Estrin-D works for menopause sex problems, vitamin E for skin problems. And a multivitamin. Doesn't matter which.
And I stretch every morning for 15 minutes. It doesn't have to be long or fast. Just move around. And I feel better.
I hope this helps. That 's for your menopause. Now for your marriage. GOd is the glue to all marriages. And when our marriage, we are now married for 17 years. The first ten were kaput. But this book called "Power of a praying wife by Stormie Omartian is soo good. Read it and it will help you.
THe one thing that also helped was that I needed to do things for myself. Take care of myself for me and work on myself, your husband will see a change. Don't do things for his approval. Hormones can be so bad!! But hormones have nothing to do with your attitude. Always look on the good side of things. What things you can do instead of what you can't. Hope this helps.

Answer 5

Oh my dear, you've been through so much, and reading some of these idiotic answers above is so unfair, my heart just goes out to you. Unfortunately, finding out your husband is an insensitive jerk isn't going to help. :( As you've found out, it takes a long time to completely heal from this procedure - you've basically had menopause surgically enforced on you, and that's never easy. I know you love him but if the two of you have been married for 10 years and he can't deal with a few months of wacky hormones then it's quite possible HE'S using the hysterectomy as an excuse instead of actually working at the relationship. It's a cop out.

You can keep telling him how much you love him, but it might be better if you focused on getting yourself better and move on. His actions show his shallowness and lack of commitment; if he truly loved you he'd still be there with you, helping you to find the right treatment through this difficult time. Good luck! :)

Answer 6

The hysterectomy may have been a contributor, but it's probably the whole scenario of a sick wife. He probably isn't strong enough any more to deal with all of it. He did take a marriage vow of 'in sickness and in health.' You need to talk to a therapist because you are probably in the same shape as he is, and now you are alone. Call your doctor and tell him/her what's going on and you really need to see someone who can get the hormones adjusted now. You also need to seize your life back from the hysterectomy and do whatever it takes to get yourself well and back on the road to a normal life. Have someone come in and clean the house. Go out and buy some new clothes at Wal-Mart, get your haircut and done, get a manicure and pedicure, and then ask your husband to meet you for lunch at a nice place. You need to get out in the fresh air and sunshine and vow that you are moving on to a better place in your life. It won't be easy, but you can build your strength back up and move on with your life. If you don't talk to your husband, who do you talk to. He left, but it sounds like you were the first to emotionally abandon him. You need to start to crawl out of this pit and get on with your life. Ask God for strength and to lead you through this. I think you and your husband still love each other, but your illness has taken over your life. Make the best of it. Whoever did the hysterectomy must has some advice on sexual relations in the aftermath. There are vaginal creams with estrogen/progestren in them. Ask if you can start with that.

Answer 7

At your age, people just do not understand how much hormones play a role in who we think we are. When they are disrupted or gone, it can turn the best of us upside down. I am assuming that your husband is the same or similar age as you?

He is still a kid and he just doesn't understand...he has his hormones. He is still driven to want to shtoop everything in sight and he thinks that's normal. You have just gone through in a matter of days what most women spend their 40s and 50's going through.

Typically it is a long, drawn out process with ups and downs. Although it is rare that somone your age has a hysterectomy doesn't mean it doesn't happen to others. They do get through it and you will too.

As for your husband, if you cannot rely on the friendship first and talk out the difficulties see a counselor. If that doesn't work, then move on. There are men out there who will understand.

Answer 8

first i am horrified that a 27year old needs a complete hysterectomy. second, you need medical care right away. are you in an area where there is a hospital or good doctor, you need a second opinion about all this. if your care is not helping you, you need different care. google " best doctors in ( your town)" and make an appointment. tell your husband you are going to do this right away. tell your husband you are sorry that this is happening to you, but !!!!! that you are going to pursue medical care to help you. dont beg him to come home and dont act dramatic and desperate.

you simply need medical attention. are you near your parents, ask your mother to go with you. your husband is afraid that is right, he is afraid you are never going to be better, if you reassure him you are an active participant in your own medical care, he will not panic. cause he is.

google " hysterectomy hormone cure" hysterectomy help hysterectomy hormone replacement the truth about hysterectomies and go to the bookstore and find the very best books you can about your condition. do NOT let any doctor put you on antidepressants, that is not what you need. if you do that you will just be putting a band aid on this, and will have more problems long term. see an alternative doctor, holistic doctor, learn about proper vitamin care for post hysterectomy if you report to your husband you are taking action to educate yourself he will relax and want to help you.

now, honey, relax, ok, pour yourself a glass of wine. it will all be ok.

Answer 9

Try to hold onto him for as long as you can. Let him know, the way you've been letting him know, that you're sorry, and that you love him and don't want anything to come between you.
If he comes home, from now on, when something is the matter, 1.) try to talk to him 2.) if that seems to be irritating him, instead of blowing up, just come on Answers or call a friend, that way you get to talk about whats wrong but he doesn't feel inconvienced.
I'm not saying walk on eggshells and I'm not saying live in a marriage where you can't talk to your spouse - I'm just saying regulate it so it's not overwhelming. That's probably why he's gone.
If he doesn't come back, try your hardest to pick yourself up and be sure to keep your mind busy with anything and everything you can so that your heart won't have much time to think... nighttime is always the hardest... maybe take something to help you fall asleep but just be careful to not let it get habit forming.
Hopefully you guys can work through this.
10 years is a long time to let go of.

Answer 10

You're not the first person to go through this. I've heard similar situations from people I've known. Basically you are going through menopause because of the hysterectomy. I know a few women that said the herb Black Cohash has helped to some degree or another. Unfortunately it took a couple of years for my ex-sister-in-laws hormones to settle down.

I'm sorry to hear that your husband left. Maybe if he talked to you Dr. and the Dr. could reassure him that there really is a physical problem that is causing all of this.

Answer 11

Wow, I am really sorry that all of this has happened to you. It sounds like you are having a very rough time at the moment and that he is struggling to understand this. You have had a massive life changing operation and the way you are acting since is very understandable! I think you should consider seeing a counsellor. This will prove to him that you are trying to get your feelings and life back in order and he will realise that you are serious about your relationship. If he does start to talk to you again soon, you could invite him to be part of your counselling and you could work through this tough time together. After 10 years of a loving relationship, its worth the effort to try and solve theses issues and it will give him a very honest and clear understanding of what is happening for you at the moment, mentally and physically. And by the way, ignore that pathetic, rude first comment. Some people think its funny to poke fun at other peoples problems to make their miserable existence feel more meaningful!