Have you ever felt or been suicidal? How bad did it get?

Question

I've never been suicidal per se, but I've been sad enough to consider it. One day, it was almost Christmas time and I was sitting on my bed....there was a rope light on the stairway...I just kept staring at it and wondering if I could actually get away with it.

That's what I like to call a goth moment, lol

Anyway, what are your stories? I've heard that suicide occurs more often with lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgendered teens and I think that's understandable.

Try not to make fun of others, for this is usually a deathly serious issue!

And remember; be HONEST!

You could even tell stories of friends and family if you have none of your own to tell.

Answer 1

How bad did it get? Bad.

I hated life. I didn't want to be gay, and didn't know how to relate to other people. I didn't feel like I could relate to 'gay culture'. Gay bars creeped me out. Naturally my personal life was very lonely. I didn't have friends, and didn't see my life going anywhere positive. I bought a gun. I donated all of my clothes to the goodwill, and rented a car. I wanted to see an old friend one last time who lived out of state. I disappeared - my family didn't know where I was for many days. I got to my friend's house and he must have been on vacation. I checked into a hotel for a couple days, hoping he'd return.

After visiting my friend, I planned on hiking deep into the woods and shooting myself. Eventually I gave up on waiting to hear from my friend, so I checked my email one last time to see if he had responded. He hadn't. My family did though...they pleaded with me to come home. I felt guilty for making them worry, and in the end went back home.

After that, I got into counseling and started taking antidepressants. I tried 8 medications in all. None worked - the doctor finally told me to stop taking them. He told me it wasn't a chemical problem, I was just going through a difficult period in my life. I kept up with the counseling for a few more months, but it wasn't helping either. I switched therapists a couple times thinking that would help. It didn't. So now I'm not on any meds or seeing any therapists.

Most of me still wishes that I had gone to the woods that day rather than go back home. I'm sure that some day I will go on that hike.

Sometimes on my days off from work I'll go for a drive, alone. I was driving on a dirt forest road deep in the woods one day. I had to pee, so I pulled over and walked into the woods a little ways. It seemed so peacefull and remote there. I was feeling sick of life that day. I got back to the car, and was thirsty. I opened the trunk to get some water, and noticed some long straps in the trunk. I picked one up and held it in my hand. I thought to myself, "I can do this, right NOW." I looked back at where I had been. There were plenty of trees I could use to suspend myself.

I thought of my family again, and put the strap back.

Answer 2

Yes, I have felt suicidal and you'll be able to see that you're now not on my own along with your emotions by way of the solutions in your query. But I do not believe it is teenage hormones as your mom stated. I additionally felt suicidal as a young person and ultimately I went to a therapist and I consider it did aid me. Even despite the fact that I am a center elderly grownup, I nonetheless have suicidal ideas, however I have by no means tried genuine suicide and I am definite I by no means will. There is constantly wish and I am terrified of loss of life. I have no idea why you consider suicidal when you've got a ordinary, well existence as you are saying. However, whatever ought to be making you unsatisfied. I believe you have to speak to anyone. Maybe you have to speak to a legit within the treatment area or a buddy or devout determine (priest, minister, rabbi) relying to your faith. The important factor is that you just have to do whatever and now not simply receive it considering typically matters have some way of spiraling out of manipulate and earlier than you comprehend it, you would do whatever hazardous to your self. All the first-rate and be well to your self.

Answer 3

There was a time a few years ago that I was that depressed. I felt so lost and alone. As I drove to work I could picture putting a gun in my mouth, imagine what the taste of gun oil would be like, feel the cold weight of it in my hand and on my lips........ I would wonder if I would really have the guts to pull the trigger. I decided that I would and could follow through with it. I also wondered if I would have the courage to take a sharp knife and yank it across my jugular. I knew I could do that too. As weird as it may sound knowing I could go through with it is what actually kept me from doing it. Well, that and my 2 little babies. I knew I couldn't do that to them although I felt that the rest of the world could take a flying leap. Things did get better, I saw a therapist and I'm on 2 different antidepressants. They really help. I hope I never get to that point again. You know the sad thing? None of my "friends" or family even noticed...............

Answer 4

The closest I ever got to commiting suicide was the day I was sitting on my parents bed, with a 38 in my lap. I sat there and stared at it for a while, then put it back in the drawer. I've never thought about suicide again since that day, 32 years ago. I've been through a lot of crap since then, but I'm still here and life is good!

Answer 5

yep plenty of times.
in school i was always bullied about my weight, the whole closeted thing, i hated my life, i dont get on with my family that well...pretty much everything is ****.

and a few times ive got to the point like you did, and saw like a knife or something and just wondered if i could get away with it before anyone got home
but in the end i never did.
at the time i was totally in love with my teacher lol, so i didnt want to die and never see her again, so i thought i'd just stick it out hahaha. im so lame.
but now that i've graduated, im totally in love with my friend....so i guess i have to stick around longer :P
even though i havent told her haha. spending time around her is the only thing that actually makes me happy.
but nah im not suicidal anymore, im over it. ive had a close friend kill herself and my nan did too.

p.s goths arent suicidal. :)

Answer 6

I've tried a couple of times. Most of those times I used pills.

Now, anytime I see or think of pills, I get nauseous.

I mean, its bad enough to drink the pills and feel the little pill lumps glide down your throat, and then feel your stomach stretching to accommodate them, but then afterwards you vomit like crazy.

And it HURTS!

And even after your stomach is empty, you just vomit the most horribly tasting brown gooey liquid.

Your stomach feels like it was turned inside out for about a week.

And after your survive you feel happy, like you've had an epiphany and you're ready to love life.

But eventually you start feeling like your problems are piling up on you, and the cycle starts all over again.

Answer 7

I haven't really thought of ways to kill myself but at times I wish Im DEAD just so I wont feel the pain of a broeknheart. Not DEAD physically but more on emotions because everyday is a struggle for me... to move on...

I am actually doing productive things like keeping myself busy, surrounding myself with anything to do just so I could get by but in the middle of nwhere these painful thoughts would rock my brains and I would feel shivering inside.. thats the time I would wish I am emotionally dead...

Answer 8

i tried od'ing on pills on two seperate occasions. i was hopsitalized for the second attempt. counseling and time taught me to not blow my problems out of proportion and to learn to cope. it's hard work climbing up from the bottom and most people can't do it alone. if you have thoughts or are considering suicide, please get help. Every day I think about how I hurt my friends and family with my attempts and all the experiences I would have missed if I had succeeded.

Answer 9

it would take to long to go into details but,i've been real close to doing the deed a couple times. the only thing that stopped me were my kids.that, suicide hotlines and some great anti depressants later on.

Answer 10

yea i wanted to kill myself alot of times. ppl made me feel like nothing and act like i dont exist. a few weeks ago someone said bisexuals dont exist and i hold it like always and suddenly i just burst into tears one day and i was crying non-stop for three four days. ppl r so very hurtful and they make me feel invisible like i dont exist like im not worth anything. first thought in my head was suicide. of course i dont ever do it or try it lol but........its always surrounding my thoughts. sometimes it gets so lonely and it seems nobody cares so.....i understand. however...i sorta remain strong. i dont think i will ever do it.....just think wat the ppl around me would do if i did do it.