Can you write a short story using these???

Question

1. Not in this lifetime
2. It takes two
3. Let it be
4. My worse nightmare
5. Remove your hat please
6. You need a shave
7. That'll be six bits please

Answer 1

Ok, Sarge, lemme have a crack at this, but don't expect alot out of an old hippy and flyboy.

The soldier was sitting in the chair, at his neighborhood barbershop. He was on his way to fight a war, in a place, no one had ever heard of. Just as his barber was getting ready to start, he heard "Let It Be", by the Beatles, come on the radio.
The barber ask him, what he was doing. He said, "I am on my way to war". The barber said, "You need a shave". The soldier said he was going overseas. He ask, "Would you ever go overseas, if given the chance, sir?" The barber replied, "not in this lifetime."
The barber, thinking philosophical, said "With big nations who go to war, one always blames the other. It is my opinion, it takes two, to cause the fight."
"Remove your hat, please", said the barber, "so I can touch up your sideburns." The soldier complied, and then the barber ask, "What do you think about your up coming trip to the battlefield?". The soldier quickly replied, "It is my worse nightmare."
As the barber finished up, he shook the young man's hand and told him everything would be ok. He said, "Just keep your head down, and your guard up, son." As the young warrior started out the door, the barber said, "That'll be six bits, please." The soldier tossed him a silver dollar, and said, "Keep the change, and thanks for the advise."
As he watched the young man walk down the street, the old retired Air Force colonel, threw him a quiet salute.

Answer 2

Did you ever hear the same old thing over and over until you thought you just might have to kill the next person who says it?
Well, what I heard, every day, from family, friends and complete strangers was, "you need a shave." It takes two shaves a day for me to look presentable. Every morning at 6:00 AM and every night at 6:00 PM. , I lather my face and I shave. My hair grows very fast. It grows a quarter inch every
12 hours. God, I think I had a beard when I was born!
I remember my father, joking around with the neighbors who came to see the hairy faced boy, saying "That'll be six bits, please. " I never thought it was funny.
On top of that, the hair on my head grows at twice that rate and I, usually, let it be for months on end.
Not in this lifetime did I ever think I'd be set free from what has become my worst nightmare. And then, I found this job at the circus, where people pay to watch my hair grow. So, Turtle boy, remove your hat, please. We'll use it to collect our fee.
"Ladies and gentlemen, the Turtle and the hair, in five minutes.
Stage left."

I know. Corny as sin. For two points, what the hay! C. :)!!

Answer 3

My beard is my worst nightmare - growing all gnarly and tricolored and needing shaving three times a day. So I signs up for the army and the guy says remove yr hat please, you need a shave. I says: not in this lifetime, bub, you jes' let it be. It takes two to shave this mothers son. So he and the corporal hold me down and shave me anyways and i says that'll be six bits please and they throw me in the slammer and my beard grow ten yards in the night and I lets it out the windy and escapes back to south caroliney

Answer 4

She rushed in the front door and signed on to her computer. She really didn't expect anything but still she had to check.
She typed in her password. The screen lit up and there it was. The wonderful little phrase " you got mail"

She couldn't believe it. She had only signed up with the on-line dating service a week ago and she was already getting messages.

As she opened the last message she was pleasently surprised. It was from a man named Greg. What a nice name she thought. In his picture he looked so very handsome too. Wow, things may be looking up.

His profile was wonderful. He was a chef, she was excited. He drove a "high performance vehicle". He lived in the best part of town. Wow, this was all too good to be true, she thought to herself.

She sent him a message and got one in return. They exchanged phone numbers and spoke a time or two and then they set a date.

They were going out on Friday night. She could not believe her luck. She could not understand why he had, had to use a dating service but oh, well. Someone else' loss was going to be her gain.

He rang her doorbell a little before 6 on Friday evening and there he stood. All 6'3" of him. He was tall, dark and handsome and she was in lust already.

They walked down her sidewalk to the waiting car and there it sat. A black two door Geo Metro.
She looked at him and said,"is your car in the shop?"

He laughed and said,"No, why would you ask that?"
She said, "where's the high performance vehicle?"
He pointed to the Geo and said, "it's right there."

He opened the door for her and she crawled in to the car thinking to herself, "at least he has his looks and maybe the car isn't as bad as it looks."

She asked if they were going to the restaurant where he worked.
He said that they weren't.
When she asked why it was plain to see he was embarased.
He said," I fudged a little on my profile. I am not a real full fledged chef."
She said,"what do you mean?"
He looked at her and said," I am a cook at the Waffle House."

"Another tall tale", she though to herself, "I wonder what other surprises Mister Wonderful has in store for me?"

Then the car started making a strange sound. A few minutes later, smoke started rolling out from under the hood and the car was slowing down.

Greg looked over at her and said, " I think I may be having a bit of car touble."
She looked at him and said, "I was begining to suspect something was amiss."

They coasted to the side of the road and he took a look under the hood. It didn't look good and there was no where to get any repairs done tonight.

He looked at her with an embarassed smile and said, "it's such a lovely evening, why don't we walk to dinner."
She was getting a little perturbed but said alright.

They had walked some distance from the car when they saw their first bolt of lightening and then the clap of thunder. It was just a few seconds later that the skies opened up. It started raining cats and dogs so they ran in to the nearest building they saw.

They didn't even realize until they were inside, that it was a church. There was a wedding taking place and there they stood in the church entrance, dripping wet. Everyone turned around to see who had just walked in.

One of the ushers approached and said, " are you sitting on the Bride or the Groom side and could you (5) remove your hat please?"

She wanted the floor to open up and swallow her up. She thought to herself, "this is (4) my worst nightmare."

She looked up at him and said, "there is no way I can stand here, in this church, dripping wet, during a wedding that I don't even know anyone that is in it. I am not going to ruin this Bride's special day!" and with that she walked back out in to the rain.

She was headed for the subway when he caught up with her. She found an entrance and started down the stairs. As she approached the turnstyle, he reached around her and dropped in the token.

She looked over her shoulder and said, "(2) It takes two."
He dropped another one in.

As they got on the subway, he looked at the two of them and he started to laugh. She found no humor in this situation at all. There was nothing to laugh about tonight.

He looked at her soaked outfit, her dripping hair and her mascara that had started to run. He took his thumb and gently rubbed it under her eye.

She glared at him and said "(3) let it be! Just leave me alone."

He looked at her and said, "don't worry about it. Things don't always work out the way we plan but that doesn't mean we can't enjoy the moment." And then he said that he had another idea.

I can't wait to hear this she thought as he said to her," let's just go to my place and get dried off and the we can order something in to eat, if mom is still up maybe we can all play a game of scrabble or something."

She looked at him and shouted, "YOU STILL LIVE WITH YOUR MOM?"

He said, "yes, let me guess, you think it is strange for a 35 year old man to be living with his mom, right?"

That was it. That was her "exit stage right" cue. She was done. Her evening was over. She now knew why this guy needed a dating service.

Their exit was approaching and she was going home. To her house. Alone. As she left the subway car, he followed. When they got above ground again, they could see that the rain had begun to let up.

He looked at her and said' " Hey listen, I know this has been a bad evening for both of us, but why don't we go to a diner and have a cup of coffee and chat a while?"

She looked at him with all the anger in her body and said, "(1) Not in this lifetime, pal."
She turned to leave and then took one last glance over her shoulder as she said, " Don't bother helping me home, I can find my own way."

He stood there in shock. He knew this wasn't his best date ever but it wasn't his worst either.

He walked toward the diner that he wanted to go to with her. He walked in and sat at the counter. The waitress came over and he ordered a cup of coffee.
She brought him the cup of coffee and asked if there would be anything else.
He looked at her with his said, "does it look like I need anything else?"

She laughed and said, " Well truth be told, it looks to me like (6) You need a shave and shower, and maybe even some dry clothes."

He instantly felt bad for he realized that the bad dispostion of his date had begun to wear off on him and he immediatly appologized and stood up to leave.

He walked over to the cash register and asked for his bill.

The waitress came over and said, "(7) That'll be six bits please."

He paid for his drink and left. He got into his Corvette that he had parked there earlier in the evening. He'll use the Metro again next week as he sorts out the shallow gold diggers from the one that will steal his heart.