my best friend is an alcoholic... what should i do to help her?

Question

She won't go to rehab, and i've been trying to help her but i dont know what to do anymore. I feel like i have been watching her die for so long, and i feel like a horrible friend for not being able to help her get over this addiction. i am always there for her when she needs me. Is it just making things worse by letting her know someones always gonna have her back when she's too drunk?

Well, ive been to alcoholics anonymous meetings, and i brought her to some and it didnt help. Ive told her numerous times how worried i am.I talked to her mom, she didnt care. She tells me all the time she feels bad about what she puts me and all of her friends through, but it doesnt help. She's been hurt badly when she drank, done stupid things. Shes hit rock bottom, and she's laying there.

Answer 1

If you are planning on continuing your friendship with her under any conditions (drinking or not)…your first option is to continue going to Al-Anon regularly to help you understand what effect your friend’s alcoholism is having on you. You will learn to not become an “enabler”! At the Al-Anon meeting you did go to you must have heard that term used. If not… an enabler is a person who allows an alcoholic to continue drinking, primarily by their acceptance of an alcoholic’s actions and not holding them accountable for their unacceptable behavior. An alcoholic can spot the weakness of an enabler and they continue on drinking because they know that they will be forgiven time and time again. If you become an enabler in a backhanded way you will be giving your friend “permission” to drink by your continued acceptance of her unacceptable behavior and her lack of concern as to how you feel about her drinking. What ever you decide to do it should be based upon your head talking and not your heart. Don’t let your actions appear to be allowing her to continue drinking if you do not want her to drink. If you continue on the road that you are on and you haven’t seen anything yet. Alcoholism never gets better on its own… it always gets worse. You will start to hate “your best friend” instead of hating the disease.

Your second option is to tell her friend to friend… that you are concerned over her drinking, and that alcohol will only compound her problems. She can’t drink her problems away. Explain that alcohol is a depressant and the more she drinks the more she will have to drink, because she will become more and more depressed. It’s like putting gasoline on a fire. I would try to get your friend to continue with Alcoholics Anonymous meetings and not go with her. Tell her she does not have to be an alcoholic to go to AA meetings, just a desire to stop drinking. Whatever you do, do not tell her that she is an alcoholic! For it to have any effect; she has to realize that she is an alcoholic, and that she is sick and tired of being sick and tired. Tell her that you want to continue your friendship, but you will not standby and watch her kill herself with alcohol. And that if she doesn’t go back to AA and make a daily commitment to get help with her drinking that you don’t want to hear from her until she does get help, and stays in AA’s program of recovery. If she chooses to continue drinking, or stops going to AA meetings walk away from her, and keep walking. If she doesn’t want to stop on her own you have to understand that you are powerless over her addiction to alcohol. Never make any threat to her that you are not 100% sure of following thru with it.

There is nothing wrong with her going to a counselor, but if he/she is worth his/her salt he/she will tell her to also go to AA while he/she is seeing her. She does have other issues that a counselor may help her with.

If I had the problem that you have I would opt for the second option. You shouldn’t feel guilty about a situation that you have no control over. Your breaking up with her may help her to hit her bottom before she kills herself or someone else. I know that you must feel terrible about what you should do, but you may help to save her life by refusing to accept her unacceptable behavior. If I can be of more help to you please send a follow up question. Thank you, Rebos

Answer 2

If his ingesting is affecting his abode existence, his friendships, his college paintings, or his interest, then he has a topic. many human beings drink, and that they drink generally, yet they are no longer alcoholics. the subject arises while ingesting takes priority over all of the different activities in his existence. If he's a jerk while he's sober, yet friendly while he's under the effect of alcohol, he could be utilising the alcohol as an get away. that may no longer be healthful, although this is not any longer unavoidably alcoholism. if it quite is so, there is something else bothering him, and he might desire to talk approximately that, and not the alcohol. If this bothers you, it extremely is advisable to point to him which you have observed that he's ingesting extra beneficial than commonplace. Ask if there is something bothering him. attempt to no longer be intense once you confer with him nonetheless. it must be good for him just to renowned that somebody is noticing and that somebody cares.

Answer 3

You say these exact words...
"I love you very much. And because I love you so much, I am telling you this.... You must go get therapy or I am no longer going to have any contact with you. I cannot help you, and I cannot endure the negativity of watching you kill yourself any longer. If I could fix you myself I would, but I can't. If you want me to help you find a therapy place to treat your alcoholism, I would love to help you do that. But.... until you are ready to get some real help, I am going to have to ask you not to come around me anymore."
Then you be strong... AND STICK TO IT.

Before you do this.... go to talk to an AA counselor. They will give you more detailed advice about this. You need as much help as your friend does. This does not just effect the person with the addiction. It is as if you guys are standing on a blanket all together.... and the blanket is covering a quicksand pit. The further this person in the middle sinks.... the more they drag you down with them. Dont let that happen. Get her some help.

Answer 4

Have you told her how you really feel? Just tell her your worried, you don't need to lecture her or "mommy" her but tell her as a friend that you are worried and scared for her. Don't put so much stress on yourself. It's sad but some people have to hit rock bottom before helping themselves back up. Hopefully soon she will see what she is doing to herself as well as her friends. You can aways be there for her but make sure it soesn't seem like you are encouraging her bad behavior as well.

Answer 5

Well, yes because she will think she has a backup if she gets drunk. So basically, she thinks it's becoming safe to drink if she has help available. Let her know that you won't help her if you're gonna help her destroy herself. But, keep a close eye on her if she does get really drunk and come to her rescue when necessary. Tell her about what happened to her and ask her what would happen if you didn't come to help her.

Answer 6

Sad to say but yes you are just making it worse. You can't help her until she believes she has a problem and no when she is drunk beyond belief and crying she won't do it again just doesn't count. She has to be absolutely sober and admitting she has a problem. We all need someone to be there for us but you can't enable her drinking or she will have no reason to change. I wish you the best, I have been there and it's no easy thing to do.

Answer 7

They have to realize there is a problem and want to stop or it will be a lost cause. You can suggest an AA program. They have them at our church, and they meet twice a week. It is a good support system and maybe if she is receptive to it being around others who realize the situation it may help her. My best to you both.

Answer 8

Tell her it's either rehab or you're out of there!
Sometimes, tough love is the only thing which will work. Tell her you're tired of kissing her a%% to get help. As long as she can lean on you, why bother to get help somewhere else?
I know this sounds brutal, but it seems nothing else has worked.

Answer 9

First does she admit she has a problem, that is the first step. Until she realizes she has a problem she will not seek help. As for you, you need to initiate tough love, be her friend, but toughen up a little when it comes to helping. Good Luck

Answer 10

You should threaten that you won't be here for her the next time she gets drunk. Tell her that this friendship is causing you too much pain, and you need to be stern enough to scare her. I know it will be hard, but she needs it.