What do I do my husband is 18 yrs older and is my 4th husband?

Question

I can't take the lies and upset any more. I am disabled and have given this man my check for the last 5 years. His past wife NEVER worked and NEVER paid for a thing. My husband got us into huge debt because of income tax and he never bothered to leave money for me if he should die. He just doesn't care. He only wants me around because he cannot afford to live in the state we do without my money. He is constantly angry and never interested in me, even though I am model gorgeous. I am fed up. What do I do? I cannot afford to live on my own. We have only been married 3 yrs no honeymoon. I don't have the energy to stick it out for 2 more years. This man is worse than my father who is 3 yrs older. I hate him and hate what he has done to us financially. I thought I could expect more from a Policeman. What to do? PLEASE HELP ME. I don't have children he had 3 one died, so he has 2 and a grandson. Hasn't anyone heard of birthcontrol? Who has children in their late 50s?

Answer 1

Straight up, you have only two choices here;
1: Continue to be with him and take the abuse
2: Go on with your life, and you say all he does
is take your money so he must not be contributing
anyway.
There are many places that can help you, and you
do not have to take the crap that he is dishing out.
You are a woman, be strong, demand your
respect and move one with your head held up
high so at least you will be happier in life.
You also need to think that maybe marriage life
is not for you, as having had 4 as you said and
you are still not happy, then you need to think is
it worth marrying again. Good luck.

Answer 2

First of all, Precious, you need to gain some self-empowerment.

Ok, let's start with the ruined guest room. Leave it. Never say another word. Put it back as best you can and when Sister send the relatives over, let them stay there.

I understand that you are disabled. There has to be something you could do, even if it was only part time. Go to Your State Department of Labor and check out openings. Do your resume'. Give it a shot. It sounds like you could use to get out of the house some.

Also, the constant anger. He's not the only one constantly angry. I hear the anger in your sentences, dear.

So, breathe, take a step back, and ask youself how you can control your environment.

Serve nutritious meals, incorporate a multi-vitamin into your diet. Get 8 hours sleep in a dark, quiet room.

Research depression online and nutritional support. For both of you.

Try to find the friendship that started this whole thing. Something must have attracted you to him. Back up, quit looking at the forest and take a look at the tree.

Your man is struggling every day. He doesn't make enough to cover that debt. Relatives keep popping up on his doorstep. His wife is furious with him. Of course he's miserable.

Start asking him every day if there is anything you can do for him. Follow through. Just indicate you think of him while he's gone. See if he doesn't pick up the habit.

This is also a great pre-emptive move to help him not yell. What's he gonna yell about if you already asked?

Come on here and vent. To him, verbally, only speak positives. He's messed it all up. He knows. No need beating a dead horse.

You say, "Hon, I repotted that huge overgrown plant today. Now we have two. Doesn't it look nice?" or "Hon, you really looked great in that maroon shirt last night." Positives. Something true. Try to let the negatives go. No negatives.

If he raises his voice to you, excuse yourself. "Oh, I forgot that load in the dryer....Oh, I forgot to call Mom back...." whatever, just politely excuse your self and remove your presence. Go take a shower. You can come back and go, "Oh, hon, did you want to say something?" See if he can't address the issue in a more appropriate manner when you've done this a couple of times.

Consciously practice a calm tone with him. Whatever he has to say that is not positive, let it slide, just go, "You know, you're right." and go start dinner.

Your entire family needs healing. You can be an impetus. Find your center, your strength. See if acting as his partner instead of his angry wife doesn't affect some change. Learn the fine art of manipulating a ruined evening into a loving one.

This all falls on you, Precious. You can make or break your marriage.

I wish you luck.
And God bless you and yours, dear....

Answer 3

He's a loser. Immediately contact a lawyer, let me repeat: immediately get a lawyer. Ask for his assistance in getting you two apart since you say you can't afford to be on your own. Since you are disabled there is help out there somewhere. Get a social worker. Get a seperate bank account and use your money to pay for a divorce instead of his lifestyle. Then ask the judge to award a judgement in your favor for your legal expenses (you won't be able to collect if he is a deadbeat, but try it anyway).

Once you finish that, stop looking for a man to support you (4 husbands, these can't all be love). Learn to live by yourself and with yourself. Once you are on the right track, then you can be patient and find a more proper relationship.

Answer 4

Leave the man, get a job, and get off the work comp so you can have some self respect. You have the mindset of the victim mentality, get off your butt and get out of that bad situation and get a job. I know you will not like this answer, but you need some self-respect at this time. If you are model gorgeous, then get a job modeling, pays pretty well

Answer 5

the best thing you can do dear is get out of it any way you can take control of your check back and move into less if you must but at least you would be happy instead of so miserable and you would not have to be thinking like you do so the answer is obvious and that is get out of the marriage and take control of your life then stop the older man think get someone closer to your own age

Answer 6

You need to find someway out. He doesn't need to be treating you this way. Being a police officer he should be getting a decent check.

Answer 7

so stop giving him your check. YOU married him. YOU knew what he was like.