what should i do??????????????

Question

i've been in a relationship for 7 years and throughout the majority of it my husband and i faught. he was always so angry and said it was because of his childhood,which was a bit disturbing, but i stook by him and tried to help. he was abusive and very condecending, but i always thought that he would get better, which he did a lot, but now i'm wonderig if he's changed enough for me and i'm not sure if i'm willing to wait another seven years for him to improve even more. we have two beautiful children and i am worried about seperating but i don't know if i'm as strong as i once was to deal with this any longer. he's the breadwinner in the family and he always give us what we need and anything that we want. we live in a wonderful neighbourhood and we are pretty well off, but we haven't always been well off like this, that's why i don't think i would miss any of this. i'm not ungrateful i just feel so confused and depressed. any advice would help, but please only serious answers. thx

Answer 1

Start with getting yourself into therapy. Yahoo answerers can't make this decision for you, but you do need help to sort it out. That's what therapists are good at, so be there, do that. Understand that you are compromising self esteem and self respect for the sake of security and for your children. Only you can decide whether the compromise is worth it. BTW, you're stronger than you know, stronger than you give yourself credit for. You will make it through, just figure out what's right for yourself and the kids.

Answer 2

To qualify as a "provider" a spouse must also provide mentally and emotionally. It sounds like what he provides is mental and emotional abuse. And that isn't right. His childhood is no longer a valid excuse. As an adult he is singularly responsible for his actions. Leave him! He will continue to behave like this until he has a real reason to change (and threats of leaving won't work). But what is worse is that he very likely to begin treating your children like this when they get older. So staying with him puts them in potential danger.

Once you have actually left him you need to decide if you can be together when he learns how to treat you right or if your marriage is actually over. If you can still see yourselves together if he corrects his behavior then demand he gets help. DO NOT MOVE BACK IN UNTIL HE DOES and can demonstrate on an ongoing basis that it worked. That means don't move back the day he presents his certificate (or whatever). Make sure he has changed before you return, the stress of you being apart will be a very good test of his new attitude.

If you are completely through with him, then end the marriage. And ask the court to require anger management classes as a stipulation of his visitations with his children, lest they take up his behaviors.

Answer 3

Abuse is never good. If the abuse and bad relationship are for real you should go.

I was raised in a home with angry parents. They were angry at each other and sometimes abusive. I think the best thing would have been to separate so that we (the kids) didn't witness a dysfunctional relationship. I lucked out and ended up with a great and loving man. My little sister however keeps getting into one abusive relationship after another. Remember your kids are learning how to live from you and your husband. You should try to create an environment that you would wish for your kids.

Best of luck to you. Be strong and know that you deserve to be happy. You can be happy.

Answer 4

I think you are answering your own questions. What does your heart tell you? It sounds like you know that his propensity toward abusiveness is not good for the kids, and staying together for their sake is usually not the answer either.

I don't think he will ever change 'enough' for you... nothing against you or him, but people can't usually become something that is foreign to them. He grew up with abuse and probably will lean toward those angry feelings when he has a hard time dealing with things.

I think you should find someone to talk to before you make a choice - a counselor, priest, or divorce attorney (a good one will help you with options). Some colleges with counseling programs will offer free counseling.

You sound like you're capable of taking care of yourself and your kids. If he loves the kids he will stay in their lives and the courts will order him pay support (the whole point of chlild support IS to keep the children in the lifestyle they 're accustomed to).

Good luck, and i wish I had the answer for you.

Answer 5

Sometimes when things are a certain way for a long time you get use to it and can't truly believe it when things are actually changing. It's not your fault sweetie(NOT AT ALL). You have the right to be unsettled about it all. You've been through alot of stuff. Sometimes we do need to get away from each other to see if we are truly changed or if it's just a game. Your not wrong for thinking like this. You think about the children and what is best for them. You think about how you are feeling and what is best for you. Separation is not always bad ok. You might learn things that you did't even know. It's up to you. Good Luck sweetie!!!! I'll keep you in my prayers.

Answer 6

well hun not to sound mean or rude but how can you be sure he wont hit or beat u up as no woman should be in any relationship where the guy treats you like that n you fight i think its time you move on n get out of it before your hurt i know it will be hard to do at first just think of you n the kids no one should be in a abusive relationship a woman should be treated like a queen and not fought with

Answer 7

follow your heart if your heart says its not right then you should go ahead and let him go. but if he's changed now a little bit thats good some people dont change at all so he is making a big step and maybe you should just wait a lil longer but make sure if you do leave him that you and your family will have a secure good place to go .

Answer 8

i really sympathize with you...it seems that he has to want to change for the better for himself first and then the people around him ie; you and your children. a start would be anger management and couseling.
i understand that you would want to stick by him through the good times as well as the bad but HE has to be the one to change. if you feel you want to leave but you aren't finacialy stable , get yourself situated until you are able to leave him without having a finacial burden. or maybe consider living with a relative until you are able to get on your feet. that's if you choose to leave.

now if he's being abusive physically and mentally is that something you really want your children to be exposed to?? is he abusive with the children?? these are memories that are going to be with them for the rest of their lives. just because he had a horrible childhood as horrible as it may have been it is no excuse to treat you or the children that way.

i'm not saying to bail out right away just consider all your options. if you are really and truly unhappy and want to leave then you really need to think about your happiness as well as your children before his. just remember you can't make someone change they have to want to change.
i'm sorry for the things you are going through i hope it all works out.

Answer 9

Okay girl! Why are you with a man who doesn't respect you! You respect him but a relationship consist of two people commiting. GET AWAY before he becomes more abusive. Hope that helps!!

Answer 10

Pray