A friend's children have been removed by DHS and placed in foster care because their house was messy and dirty

Question

There were no feces, bugs or really bad things found-just a mess. She had just delivered their third child and they got home from the hospital--not even home an hour before DHS came, inspected and took the kids. Well, at nine months pregnant-how clean can you keep house? Or when you are at the hospital, how clean would your working husband keep the house? The other children are 5 and 2 1/2 years old.
DHS won't let them have their children back until they take a test and the charge for the test is $850.00 which they don't have. If DHS requires a test, how can they charge the parents? What would a test prove anyway?
Also, the parents don't read really well, which doesn't mean they aren't good parents, but could give them problems on a test if it isn't oral.
They have a lawyer, but court-appointed and he's of limited help.
There's no physical abuse, they are very hard working, loving and doing the best they can, getting almost no help from family.
I want to help, but how?

Yes, there are probably details I don't know about--they aren't my close friends, like I'm not at their house visiting every week (or I would have helped clean) but I know them well enough to know they really love those kids and they are doing their best. They can't hire someone to clean. If they had more family support, this would probably never have happened.
I'm getting some really good ideas, and I already plan to help to pay on the testing.
They also moved to a different house and put toys and extra stuff in storage. The dad felt bad taking toys away, but I think it's a good idea--they can rotate them instead of having too man all at once.
How do I politely offer to help clean? And I don't want to do it every week either!
Live well and thanks for the ideas!

DHS removed all the kids that same day.

Answer 1

DHS has to have a reason to remove the kids, just because your friend told this about the house being messy, does not mean there is not more to the story. DHS does not just up and decide to take someones kids, if you want to help, then maybe you should help them get the money they need to take the test.

Answer 2

What is "messy" or "dirty" to one person might seem "unsafe" or "hazardous" to another. DHS was probably erring on the side of caution - remember, they are there to look after the children's best interests, not to punish the parents.
Yes, it's hard to be a working parent, and it's hard to look after children, especially during a pregnancy. But that doesn't excuse anyone from upholding certain standards. Even if they are both working, they need to find a way to keep the house in a safe and livable condition.

The test is most likely a test of basic parenting skills, to make sure they are familar with basic child safety rules (for example, why you shouldn't leave kids alone in the house or feed honey to a baby). The county is usually required to offer the test, whether oral or written, in the parent's first language or provide an interpreter. It is probably written in very basic English, and if they are illiterate, it's likely that they are missing out on other information vital to their children's well-being (for example, warning labels on medicine, notices from the school board, etc). If at least one parent can't manage a basic level of literacy, then this is a serious problem they need to fix, and there are free county services to help them.

If you want to help, talk with the parents and offer to help anyway you can. Research local literacy programs for them (a librarian at the public library or the city/county website is a great place to start). Call DHS on their behalf and ask about financial assistance for this test, and ask for information on what the test includes. Help the parents "study" and prepare. Offer to help cook meals or clean house while the mother cares for the baby, or even just baby-sit an hour a day after work so the mother can have a few minutes for herself (take a hot bath, clean up the house, etc). Or set aside a weekend and recruit a bunch of friends to come help clean up the house to excellent (not just passing) standards.

There's a lot you can do to make a big difference here! Good luck!

Answer 3

I'm not sure who DHS is, but i know in N.C. DSS is the organization that deals with taking children out of the home. I am a case manager for a mental health provider and i have never seen any of our kids taken out of the home because of something as simple as a dirty house. There had to be structural problems with the dwelling that was unfit to live in. DSS will also not take the kids out and into a foster home unless there has been some sign of abuse or mistreatment or neglect by the parents. I know that these people may be your friend but there is something that they are not telling you. Evidently thet have dealt with Social Services before. If the situation was as bad as you say they would have taken the newborn too. And the only test that I know of that they would have to take would be a drug test. Because I know of parents that are dignosed MR that have custody of their kids.

Answer 4

I would demand the DHS report. Most states will not take children for just filth. I would ask who reported the family to DHS and what were the complaints. You are correct, court-appointed attorneys aren't much help --- you have to help them and really push them. If I were you, I would find out the case number and write a letter to the judge attesting to the parents parenting skills. Normally if there is little or no income the state can direct you to agencies that can help. Have them ask the court for deferral of payments. There are a lot of things you can do... Just try everything...

Answer 5

In my section it fairly is a factor of the courtroom ordered provider plan. it fairly is in many cases around 50 or a hundred funds a month, consistent with their awareness. I even have seen it as low as 25 a month. while the determine gets SSI for a psychological/actual incapacity then i do no longer think of the decide in my burg can order it. the quantity is so small it fairly is basically approximately pointless even though it does toughen to the determine that their childrens are nonetheless their duty and that they must artwork on getting them decrease back. while the determine does not pay it, then the provider plan isn't being achieved. If parental rights are terminated the judges around here usually nonetheless order infant help till the infant is observed or an prolonged time out....i'm unsure if I accept as true with that section. I do have self belief mom and dad who're nonetheless working in the direction of reunification must be in charge to their babies and to the techniques they make.

Answer 6

I am curious as to who called the state cause they just dont go to a home and take the kids without someone tipping them off. also this house had to be very messy and pretty much un liveable in order for them to take the kids just like that and not giving them a chance to clean it up.

i understand how hard it is to be pg and have little ones to care for but unless she was on total bedrest i think she could have cleaned the house. if she was on bedrest then she has a case.

Them not being able to read shouldnt have anything to do with it and if they have to take a written test they should be able to ask for help in reading it, just like when forigners come over to the US and they need assistance in reading for driving tests and applying for state help.

as for the cost of the test, even if the court is ordering them to take it they would have to pay for it i am sure and not the court but again they may be able to ask for help in paying for it.

contact the social worker and tell them the positive about this family and that you are willing to help any way you can, but again this family has someone working against them to turn them in. good luck to you and them i hope all turns out for the best

Answer 7

Oh something else must be up. Did a family member turn them in for something else? Geez, when my grandson is here, there are toys all over the place (oh and newspapers on the floor because he loves to squish them up)......all parents with young children have messy houses off and on. I find that hard to believe. Are you SURE there are no other details involved? How'd you get the information? If you are right, SOMEONE has to intervene. If you want to help them, see if you can contact people in your community - sheriff's dept, victims advocacy programs -- they exist -- check with state attorneys office. Just because these people are not "intellectual" does NOT make them bad parents at all -- you are right. I can assure you, there has to be a group out there to help. Sheriff, Health Department, State Attorney, Victim Advocate groups -- if you call any and all, they can guide you to who might be able to help. You are also right about public defender --- they need someone else to step in and help. I'm so sorry.

Answer 8

The house must have been REALLY bad for them to take the children. I knew of a woman that had 2 kids and the home's roof was caving in and the child was sleeping on a matress on the floor of a basement and they didn't take their children. My mom was 9 months preg with 2 kids already and kept the house decent. It is possible. I understand that they are good people, but usually DHS thinks if they can't take care of their home they won't take care of the children. It is worth to come up with 850 to get the kids back. Her family should help them financially. It's not up to you to solve their problems. Good luck.

Answer 9

DHS doesn't just come around to visit when you bring home a new baby...there must be something else in the past that you're not telling.

If you want to help, then clean their disgusting house for them and hire a tutor to help them learn to read.

Answer 10

The best thing that you can do for them right now, is pray. And be there, if they need a open ear. Being a good friend offers someone in this kind of situation, a lot of help.