How many couples are together but one person in the relationship knows they are not in it for the long run - or they are just waiting for that perfect opportunity to leave?
I'm currently living w/ my gf & my son but cannot stand some of the things she does or has done (those are different stories). I stay with her because I know I would look like a deadbeat if I were just to leave. I've also heard the saying, "it's cheaper to keep her". And sometimes I think maybe my situation is not that bad afterall. I mean I have it all but just wish my gf was different. She is the most beautiful woman you were to meet but her attitude, bad personality completely overshadows her. I'm not so sure anymore.
So I continue on with my days, weeks, months waiting until she f*cks up, so I wouldn't be the one to blame.
Does this happen to other people or am I just being the dumb azz waiting around?
2007-09-17 09:02:12 · 13 answers · asked by Me 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
No this happens...
From what you say do you think there is a possibilty of counseling? I know exactly what you mean about her personality and attitude...I am sure you have confronted her on this...what has she said?
I really feel bad for your son...I know how that feels (my kids are 7 and 3) and I am still stuck in a marriage (mainly not leaving because of my kids)...
2007-09-17 09:07:38 · answer #1 · answered by poker_fan_in_nyc 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it happens but since your NOT married it would be easier to just leave. Maybe next time she does something you don't like tell her you want a separation. Beauty is only skin deep. Sometimes people are real beautiful or handsome they don't have a chance to work on their personality or don't think they have to because of their looks. It sounds like you probably got with her based on looks and hopefully you learned something from that. Its not looks alone. I've dated some very handsome men that were the ugliest people on the inside you can imagine and I learned I'd rather have someone that was "handsome" on the inside. There has to be some physical attraction but the personality is part of that. I'm sorry for your child but its best just to get out and move on. You can get 50/50 custody and not have to pay much if anything. You do one week on, one week off and the child has his own room and things at each house. You split the daycare 50/50, health insurance everything. It won't be that bad. Its worse to live like you are. You say you have it all but you don't because you don't have peace of mind or true happiness. Best wishes.
2007-09-17 12:53:35 · answer #2 · answered by Wonder Woman 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why not just leave? It's going to be really hard on your son so you might as well go now before he gets older. That's some of the mistakes that people make they think that it would be cheaper to keep 'em well guess what the longer your in it the longer and harder and the more expensive it is going to get. I've experience 2 bad divorces and guess what not anymore. I was dating this guy and I lived with him for awhile and I woke up and decided that he wasn't what I wanted in life and besides you only live once. Think of your son he's the most important person in this relationship are you being fair to him?
2007-09-17 09:32:02 · answer #3 · answered by Flora B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't wait around. There isn't going to be any major change in her attitude or personality if she hasn't acknowledged the problem up to now. She's only a girlfriend and not your wife so you won't have the usual divorce issues, but you will have to deal with custody and child support issues. And you won't be a deadbeat if you take care of your son.
2007-09-17 09:27:49 · answer #4 · answered by dawnb 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, this happens. I stayed with my old b/f because we hung in the same circle of friends and I didn't want to be the jerk. But there comes a time when you need to not worry about what everyone else will think and worry about your sanity!! It is only going to get worse as time goes by.
I would try to break it off as soon as possible.
I finally owned up and broke it off and moved out.
Thank God I did otherwise I might have missed meeting my husband!!
Good luck!
2007-09-17 09:10:36 · answer #5 · answered by tinyavenger 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why put off the inevitable??? If it is not working, then it never will. It's like if someone was to ask you...do you honestly love her? It's a yes or no answer, either you do or you don't. If the answer is no, then time to lay out the cards and move on with your life. Why be with a person that you apparently don't love??? You have to make You happy and being happy in your life and relationship! I think it is time to move on with your son and your life.
Good luck!
2007-09-17 09:23:49 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, alot of people do the same thing. Do yourself a favor and get out now. She can only get child support for your son as you're not married and they go by your income to determine the amount. Or you could file for custody yourself and she'd have to pay you. The only people you're hurting is yourself and your son by sticking around in a bad situation. Good luck to you.
2007-09-17 09:14:11 · answer #7 · answered by Kathy R 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why don't you consider couples counseling? It might help you both understand how to communicate with each other. Chances are, you're not completely innocent in this situation either. A few changes in YOUR behavior might have a huge impact on the way she behaves. You never know unless you try it.
COUNSELING - just do it!
2007-09-17 09:10:55 · answer #8 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your not a dumb ***. Everyone goes thru crummy and damaging things before they leave the relationship....or stay. I personally couldn't stand to live or be with another human being that I didn't like...much less love.
But that's just me. I don't have any patients with crummy personalities...I have told several they HAVE to find someone who agrees with THEM and wants to live miserable.
2007-09-17 14:51:54 · answer #9 · answered by Curious 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you leave you have child support to pay, not saying that its a good reason to stay but you are worried about money if you leave. Never use the child as an excuse to stay. See about counseling if you want to stay. Have you tried talking to her about her attitude?
2007-09-17 09:13:55 · answer #10 · answered by moonchild 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋