My husband has 2 other brothers. Both of them are younger and they have both gotten married in the last 5 years or so. However, I know and have proof that they have cheated on their wives. I am good friends with both of them and a friend of one of the girls that one of them cheated with. My husband told me to stay out of it, but one of them came to me with a suspicion that he was cheating and asked me if I kknew anything. What do I do??? I am not one to cause trouble but I also care about my friends. I hate the fact that they cheat on their wives and I can't, or have not said anything. I also do not want to cause trouble between my husband and I. We have been together for 8 years and have a 3 year old daughter together. So what d I do????? Please help!
2007-09-17 08:56:38 · 39 answers · asked by laraprice2002 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a tough situation you are in, especially that one of the women have come to you with her suspicions. Let me see, now there are 4 people involved with this deception. The two brothers, your husband and now you, oh and not forgetting the women they are cheating with...so the deceptive pool could be around 10 or more people. These women are being duped big time and too many people are not saying anything. By saying nothing you are condoning cheating, but I also wouldn't be so blunt as to tell them outright. What I would be doing is letting them know in roundabout sort of a way. When you are asked you could say something like for her to take it up with her husband and that you think she has reason to be suspicious. Its a very difficult situation for you to be in because if they find out that you knew and didn't say anything then you would lose their friendship. I dont know what I would do, except, I do know that if my friend knew that my husband was cheating on me, I would expect her to say something....the sooner they find out, the sooner this behavior can stop.
2007-09-17 09:15:13 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What a predicament you are in. YUCK, I hate being stuck on not knowing what to do. Ask your husband if he would want his brother to tell him if he was being cheated on by you? Maybe ask him to not tell the wives, but to talk some sense into his brothers to stop cheating and be faithful. Let him know how much this is hurting you because you truly care for your SILs. Don't tell the SIL though. If you do, a lot of friendships and marriages could get destroyed. But make sure you sit your husband down and explain to him how you feel.
2007-09-17 09:08:39 · answer #2 · answered by sun day 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately, a lot of men have the same code as the military, "Don't ask, Don't tell." Personally, I would want to know the truth, especially if I already had my suspicions about my husband's fidelity.
I say to "spill the beans" only if you have first hand knowledge. If it was something you witnessed or information was given to directly then you're not under any obligation to keep quiet.
If the information was told to you in confidence from your husband, you will definitely run the risk of damaging that bond and losing your husband's trust.
Or as a last resort...there's always the anonymous typed letter mailed to their house!
2007-09-17 09:23:34 · answer #3 · answered by HStarrGirl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The thing is, you'll wind up being the bad guy if you say something - and potentially your hubby's relationship with his brothers will be ruined, and he'll hate you for that.
If you think they MUST know what's going on, find a way to anonymously tell them.
You say your friend hooked up with one of them, right? Have her call him and set up a meeting - then send the wife flowers "from the hubby" saying to meet him at the same place, same time as he thinks he's meeting your friend. When she shows up and sees hubby with some other chick, he'll be busted and nobody will be any wiser.
For the flowers PAY CASH and wear a wig or something when you go to buy them, that way the angry brother won't somehow trace the flowers back to you.
Here's the thing, if you're feeling guilty about not telling them, just imagine how guilty you'll feel when your hubby asks if you had anything to do with outing his brother and you have to lie.
Every scheme has its downfall.
I'd just stay out of it.
2007-09-17 09:07:31 · answer #4 · answered by Roland'sMommy 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Your one of them women who need their tubes tied at birth!!!!!!!!!! I am pro choice myself but this is way beyond that, this just disgusts me. Why the hell didn't you just tell him you didn't want children or go on the pill or something, that's just sick. 7 ABORTIONS. Are you even allowed to have that many, I'm surprised your doctor hasn't ripped you a new one yet because most doctors won't do more than 2. I'm half thinking you're a troll but if you aren't you're obviously not sane and I hope for your husbands sake and the sake of any future babies that them abortions did make you infertile, and I bloody well hope your husband does find out and divorce you, you sick disgusting woman.
2016-05-17 06:27:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not say anything. It is not your place however hard it is for you. However, if they do ask you about it just say you would really not like to be apart of that conversation of you really don't feel like you can answer that question. That gives her enough suspicion to know that something went on and you never said anything so your husband can't come back at you... plus you never had to tell a little white lie.
2007-09-17 09:11:05 · answer #6 · answered by hawk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The only way you could have 100% proof is if you are the one the brothers are cheating with. Gossip by a "friend" is not proof enough. STAY OUT OF IT!
2007-09-17 09:55:51 · answer #7 · answered by evafeld19 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not. You'll ruin a lot of relationships between you and other people if you do that, including maybe the one between you and your husband. The answer to your sister in law's question is, "I don't know. You should talk to your husband." This is something they have to work out themselves & you are not helping by being a tattletale.
2007-09-17 09:43:50 · answer #8 · answered by AnOrdinaryGuy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband and brother in laws that you don't want to be involved in any part of your BIL's cheating behaviors. That their relationships are their business......BUT....if they are going to be cheating on their spouses with YOUR friend it automatically becomes your business. Are you just supposed to pretend you didn't see anything and cover up their lying behaviors. NO! It is unacceptable for them to make this common knowledge to you and expect you to keep it mum.
If they're going to be such blatant idiots they should keep it under wraps and not involve you. Tell them you won't go to their wives BUT if their wives come to you you won't lie for them.
2007-09-17 09:18:13 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, ordinarily I'd say to stay out of it . . . but since you were asked point blank by one of them, you're now in a delicate position. You don't owe it to your BIL to lie for him, which is what you're doing by not telling your SIL the truth. This isn't between you and your hubby, this is between you and your BIL, since he's the one stupid enough to 1) cheat on his wife 2) with a friend of yours.
I'd call him and tell him what's gone down so far, and that you don't feel comfortable lying to his wife. But since you didn't ask to be put in this position, you don't want to stay in the middle of it. No moral judgments are necessary. Although you don't approve of what he did, it's not for you to say; but neither is it for you to protect him from his own misdeeds. Tell him to come clean with her within a week, or you will. That way you don't have to be the bad guy, she'll never find out that you knew and didn't tell her (we hope!), and the truth will come out. Then it's their problem to deal with.
As far as the other S/BIL? Just stay out of it and MYOB, and hope she doesn't ask you anything about it!
Good luck, girl. I don't envy you.
2007-09-17 09:18:47 · answer #10 · answered by Judgie C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋