Question for married mothers(mostly):i need your true opinion on this question based on your experience?

Question

if a woman isnt really the child-type and decides to have a child beacuse her husband really wants children
do you think that she will end up miserable or her child will make her truly happy?

Answer 1

I did have a child for my huband (now ex) sake. I was never into kids and never wanted to hold babies and such. I just didn't have a maternal instict I guess and I wanted other things first or wait a little longer.
Well, we had our only son,and I love my beautiful baby. He made me a better person. I'm still not into kids and never wanted another one, nor I ever babysit for anyone. I was NOT miserable rearing or raising my child, on the contrary, I'm truly happy and GLAD that I have that out of the way early in life. That was 10 years ago.
I'm divorced now, and now I'm engaged to be married. My fiance wants to have babies (he doesn't have any) and I told him that I didn't want any more children. He was hesitant to propose because he knows my position on the matter and he told me that he was preocupied about the future of our relationship because he wants to settled down, get married and start a family. Once again, and for the sake of him, I agreed to have just ONE more, and that's it.

I will never regret having my baby, but if my husband wouldn;' have pushed the issue, I probally wouldn't have any. The truth is, men look at that as a challenge, or an invitation to be more persistant about having kids.

Go for it, you won;t regret it. If you are an acomplished adult in an stablished and loving relationship, I don't see why not. My son is my best friend and my source of joy. He motivated me, he cheer me up with his smile. He is the best thing that ever happend to me.

Good luck

Answer 2

this is a hard question to answer. I wanted children, my husband wanted children, so I couldn't say what you would feel. But, I will say this, do not have a child if you are dead set on not having children just to make your husband happy. You could grow to resent the child because of all the changes that take place after having a child. On the other hand, having a child is the most fulfilling thing I have ever or will ever do. Only you will be able to decide about this.

Answer 3

Are you truly happy now? You mentioned this at the end of your question. If you are now truly happy, you need to find out ASAP before becoming a mom which way you 'think' you might feel if you had kids. Have you thought about volunteering to baby-sit @ church or for friends, etc. or even in a day-care for a salary?Spend time with other people's children & maybe you might get a better picture of you as a mom.
After you've made up your mind, your husband will have to decide whether he loves you or whether he loves what you can do for him. If it's that big of a deal to him, HE should have found out BEFORE he married. It's not your fault.

Answer 4

I think once you have a baby you heart will change. BUT that may not happen either. If that is truly in your heart not wanting kids then I would really not have one because you don't want to take a chance on hurting the child any shape or form because it is hard having a child but they are a blessing. You HAVE to have a lot of patients and the love for your child. There are many battles with kids. Don't do it because your husband wants one. YOU have to want it too. It goes both ways.

My father never wanted me and my mother told me for years when I was growing up that I was a mistake. Then she has told me number of times and I am 44 that if she could do things different she said that she would never would of had us kids. Now you tell me what I should think of that? Not good at all. When a child feels unwanted by any parent they want to kill themselves because how painful it is. That is so damaging to a child. Not being wanted.

Answer 5

First, I think this is something that should have been discussed prior to marriage, and that the NO should always win for the simple fact that it's not fair to the BABY/CHILD. Why is the mother so freakin' worried about her happiness? Goodness, what about the baby? I think it's different if a wife is perhaps just a little unsure, but if there are leanings of NOT wanting a baby, it is a poor reason to do it for the husband, because the Mommy is the nurturing, care-taker, and feelings of resentment and misery might pass onto the baby. It's not fair to the baby.

Answer 6

I'll provide insight to your dilema with my story.

When my husband and I married we both said we didn't want children. Years passed and my husband started talking about wanting a child, I still did not. He spent the next 4 years trying to convince me. I finally agreed and said I would. Most people figure if you are a married woman of child bearing age you should have kids, so I guess I gave in to all the pressures.

Well I have a beautiful 3 and a half year old now that I wouldn't trade for the world, however, having her was the beginning of the end of my marriage. For a man who wanted a child so badly, he sure didn't want to have much to do with her and he had a very difficult time sharing my time and affection with our daughter. A side of him emerged that I had never seen in all our years of marriage. The diaper changes, the feedings every 2 hours and the constant pacing/rocking to sooth the colicy child were apparently my job, and somehow while doing all that I needed to be a sexy wife, a good house keeper, a supurb cook and a gracious host to all his friends and family, all while holding down a full time job. His job was to proudly push the stoller when we went out in public, but only after she was fed, changed and in good spirits.

I became quite resentful towards my husband for putting me in this position and after a couple of years of trying to communicate with him about how I felt, suggesting ways to change things, and begging him to go to councelling with me to save our relationship, we separated. Our daughter was just 2 years old.

Raising a child is by far the hardest thing I have ever done, even when both parents are 100% on board. My husband said he was 100% on board, but it turned out to be more than he was ready for.

Do I regret having my child? No. Do I regret what having that child did to my marriage? Yes.

I guess my answer is kind of like a chinese proverb. I haven't really told you what to do I've just given you something to think about.

Answer 7

I have seen it sway both ways with non-maternal females, one side of the coin is they see all the child rearing activities, like feeding, changing, nurturing as chores, and it is never something pleasant, just a chore, which means they are miserable only having a child to please the man. Then there are women that the child changes them and every activity whether it be changing a diaper or feeding or bathing is pleasure. I think most women by nature are maternal and relish every baby moment. I would never recommend a man to have a child with a woman that does not have a love for children, as it will be a hard road for all.

Answer 8

All I can say is children really change your life. I felt too that I wasn't the mother type and wanted to have my career etc. My husband kind of was pushing me for a kid. We ended up writing all the pros and cons down and I ended up having my son. Having my son is the best thing that ever happened in my life. I am glad we had a baby. I can't say you will be the same way. I wouldn't have a baby just to make him happy.
I can offer one suggestion...have any little kids you can watch over a weekend it can give you a small taste of what to expect.

Answer 9

I know I couldn't live without my kids... I didn't want them just yet, but glad we had them when we did. We had the plan to wait 5 years and be fully ready.

They make me truly happy. My daughter tried to make me a cup of tea when my tummy hurts... she cuddles with me and makes me laugh when I am sad... my son is a big ball of just fun! They both make my life worth every minute! Now don't get me wrong, they have there days... but they are blown away with the cute and funny things they do and say. There is no other love than that of a child to its mother. You can't have that any where else in this world.

BUT... if you don't want kids... then don't have them. If they are truly not wanted, then the kids will be the one to pay that price. And thats not fair to someone who didn't ask to be born.

Answer 10

Hmmm...good question. I would hate for her to end up resenting the child. Then on the other hand, when she feels the movement of the baby inside her, she could instantly fall in love. Maybe you two should talk a little more about this and put it all on the table. Share your true emotions, fears, tears, and all. If you need to seek counseling for this and you can afford to, then I suggest that could be very helpful.