My birthday is this Wednesday and my husband and I have had plans to go out Saturday night for about 2 months now, with a few close friends. It is a big deal to me because I just had a baby 3 months ago and this will be our first time going out in over a year now. Anyways I'm very excited about it and all, but then my hubby announces that plans are off and he's spending the weekend with his kid, who never even comes to see him!!! I think this is so unfair, afterall the kid never comes and We already had plans and dinner reservations. How can he just cancel on me like this on my birthday, when I'm sooo excited ? I am so angry right now!!!
2007-09-17 08:20:25 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he scheduled to go get him this weekend, why couldn't he have scheduled it for the weekend after. i mean my birthday has been the same date for the last 7 years we've been together.
2007-09-17 08:44:34 · update #1
Real hard to answer with the limited information you have given in your question. If your husband does not see his kid this weekend, could another weekend work or is this a one and only chance? You said it yourself, his kid never comes and sees him, maybe your husband feels like he has to grasp this one chance to salvage something. I am sure your husband is thinking he has you full time and hopes that you will understand that he has a shot here and needs to take it or maybe miss it all together. Yes it is your birthday weekend and the fact that it happens then is tough, but you are asking your husband to choose you over his child, that is not fair. You can score HUGE points that will forever work in your favor, if you come around from being angry and fully support and encourage this rather than picth a fit over it.
Tell your husband that you know how important it is to him and that is why he cancled the birthday plans that the two of you have had for several weeks. Tell him you understand and want to do what ever you can to make it work out and that the two of you can celebrate your birthday the following weekend. You will grow ten feet in your husbands eyes and he will bend over backwards to make your celebration one to remember for being so mature and understanding and supporitve.
Pitch a fit and make him feel bad for trying to salvage something with his child and you end up looking selfish, childish, inmature and like his relationship to his child is not important to you at all. That would be a bad move.
2007-09-17 10:12:31 · answer #1 · answered by Suthern R 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Shame Mrs D, I don't think you are being unreasonable at all. It takes a lot to leave your baby for the first time and the arrangements were already made. I feel it was most insensitive of your husband to arrange that his child comes to spend the weekend without checking with you - however, this needn't put a stop to ANY of your plans - just ask the sitter to look after your husband's child as well. You have to learn to love him as you would want any future husband to accept one of your children if the dice was turned. And the boy has a RIGHT to see his father, don't forget that.
2007-09-17 15:28:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Regardless of just how long its been since he's seen the kid...its a kid. Sorry but sometimes they come first. If this is the case live with it for the time being. T'ain't the end of the world. You're not being selfish. Not yet anyway and certainally I can understand your disappointment. However life is full of 'em isn't it?
So let this ride. If it becomes a pattern than I'd say now you have just cause to squawk.
In the meantime, chalk it up to one of the many disappointments in life and look at it this way...he could be banging some broad instead of seeing his kid and lying to you. Things can always be worse my dear.
2007-09-17 15:26:34 · answer #3 · answered by Quasimodo 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Because kids come first. No matter how often we may see them, they are #1 in our life. Our spouse is also viewed in the #1 slot, but sometimes become #2 because of the kids. I understand that you're angry and hurt, but kids should come first. Yes it sucks, but maybe you could get a rain check. Also, I notice your birthday is Wed., (Happy early b-day by the way) and plans were for Sat., so hes not blowing off your birthday, just the thing with the friends. Your child isn't old enough, but you'll see this confusion when they get older. Congrats by the way!
2007-09-17 15:28:02 · answer #4 · answered by Beatngu 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Trust me when I tell you, men are like dogs, and I don't mean that in a negative way. Let me explain: Men after marraige require training. Training for things like your likes, dislikes. The way you teach a man these things is by being vocal about what you don't like. In this case, if he cancelled on you, you let him know that you're pissed. And women can do many other things to let their displeasure be known. I don't think if I need to go into detail. Make sure your body language shows you're angry. I bet you, he'll ask. That's when you open up and tell him what you told us in this questions. I hope that helps.
2007-09-17 15:34:59 · answer #5 · answered by sjjabbar18 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You're not at all unreasonable and he shouldn't do this to you. I understand that kids are supposed to come first but there's ways of making time other than canceling all the plans that you've had for such a long time.
2007-09-17 15:42:16 · answer #6 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are being unreasonable...put yourself in the kids shoes, how would you like it if you came to see your dad and he told you he cant hang out with you because he already made plans? Thats not right, thats just selfish. Reschedule until next weekend, no need to have a hissy fit over it...Kids before fun!
2007-09-17 15:27:14 · answer #7 · answered by SalsWyf07 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
I don't blame you for being upset!! That is hurtful. But I agree with Yummy, that you need to keep the plans and go out with your friends. You definitely need some time away from the new baby to just let loose and have a good time, whether hubby is there or not. Happy Birthday!
2007-09-17 15:26:13 · answer #8 · answered by meagain 4 · 4⤊ 2⤋
There are very few things that I would give him the greenlight to cancel for. His kids are one of them. When you decided to marry a man with children, this is what you signed up for! Let him make it up to you and do something next weekend.
2007-09-17 15:28:21 · answer #9 · answered by NeeNee 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can see why you would be upset. I would be too. But I also think you should be happy for your husband because he gets to see his child. Is your husband the type to surprise you? Maybe he is planning a surprise party?
2007-09-17 15:26:53 · answer #10 · answered by Nikki 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋