Why do guys say these things? Isn't up to both people?
2007-09-17 07:45:09 · 28 answers · asked by maria s 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
he gave me an engagement ring and we had not had sex yet... he said he would take care of me if I fufilled his requirments. I think he was worried about our age diff and that he was not that attractive. It caused major problems for me because it was controlling. I have never had anyone say this..
2007-09-17 08:05:40 · update #1
Hes telling you flat out what HE needs. Surely you can find some weak emasculated guy that you can use sex to manipulate. Like "oh you did something i like, heres some sex" or "oh i want you to do this, if you do you'll get sex".
I think most women are now quite used to operating this way in their relationships because men have become weak and gutless. If this guy is too much man for you then, let him go and find a worm who will sucumb to your every whim and see how satisfied you are then.
Good Luck.
2007-09-17 07:59:15 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well To tell you the truth, I don't even know where this man is living? I think he is in wonderland. Tell him that this is the 21st century. Why don't you pack his stuff and put it next to the door. If he ask you why are his things by the door, you just tell him that since he want to stray off, that you have decided to help him get on his way. You just don't demand sex from your wife, she is not an object. If you want sex, you work at it. He could be more romantic, sweet, caring, understanding, loving and that probably would have worked. I always say that when a couple that loves each other are not having pleasant and fruitful sex, its because one of the two is not doing his/her job. There is more to make love than what it meets the eye. Love making needs lots of foreplay in order to be a success. I don't want to bore you with more. But to answer your question, let him go, you can find someone that would really love and care for you for who you are and not only for sex.
2007-09-17 15:04:47 · answer #2 · answered by Ricardo R 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let me say this to you as and older woman told me once. What you don't do for your husand another woman will. I'm going to sound really old fashioned here but I took this advice and I learned from it because my friend has been married for over 30 years and she told me that single women will tell you all the wrong things to do because most of them have not been in a successful marriage or relationship and it was not by their choice. If the only thing wrong in your marriage is that your partner wants more sex and he is doing all that a man is supposed to do, why not give him sex. His presentation was wrong but there are women out here that would kill for a man to say all they want is sex. If getting in the mood is a problem, I would suggest you get sexy undies and drink a little wine and make it a fun event, so much so that you get into it and have wild passionate sex with your husband. My husband is in iraq right now and has been for the last several months, do you know I would love for him to threaten me with sex right now. Listen to me........take care of your husband, if not someone else will and that's a promise. You could be on here becasue he is beating you or cheating on you, this is a little thing. I'm sure before you guys got married sex was not an issue, don't make it an issue now....give him what he needs and make it fun and do different things. good luck
2007-09-17 14:56:53 · answer #3 · answered by janet 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It is obvioulsy up to both people and it's not something you should ever be threatened about.
Enticed yes, convinced yes, seduced yes!
Now, what is a man to do?
Twice a week is hardly the end of the world is it??
So, why are you so uptight? Is it because of the way he asked or because you don't enjoy it???
It's something you have to work on, as, as much as I hate to say this, if you are making it happen too rarely, then he'll have to get it somewhere else, especially if you know that does love it.
It's true that knowing when it's going to happen and where does take the fun out a bit, so, tell him that you don't it to be schedule. Unless it is what you want?
Well, it's worth having a chat about and explain your fears to your guy, but also be firm about the fact that you too could play at the game of making idle threats!
Good luck.xxx
2007-09-17 14:59:39 · answer #4 · answered by Kc 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes - the presentation was lacking, and MIGHT be indicative of control issues. -- or it might be simply indicative of his unwillingness to deal any more with the differential in libido.
Most people out there recommend TRYING for two to three times a week, but that isn't always possible in the REAL world.
I fail to understand why committed partners and spouses feel it's OK to starve a relationship of some of the necessities -- like SEX, just because it's inconvenient, or he didn't say EXACTLY the right thing, or the stars didn't align JUST the right way.
Many of the other folks who answered have hit on this, but it's pretty simple: if you don't want him anymore, let him go; if you intend on keeping him, the nourishment of the relationship REQUIRES REGULAR sex.
Sorry.
2007-09-17 15:13:43 · answer #5 · answered by ButtonGear 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is up to both people but it's not like he's asking for a lot. And why is he having to say this? How long are YOU making him wait in between times?
I think he could have been nicer about the approch but really twice a week is not a lot and unless you are a cold ***** then just give it to him. If you are then leave him and find a man that doesn't like sex either.
2007-09-17 16:12:51 · answer #6 · answered by Spring 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He isn't going to leave you- but you do realize that he is just in love with you and wants to be with you. It isn't abuse what he said- its that you got the poor guy tossing threats out there from frustration. It is a good release to be together that way... If you are uncomfortable or if you are depressed for some reason it is another thing- but talk to him about what is troubling you or the argument won't end here.
2007-09-21 14:33:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You don't threaten somebody to get sex. Without knowing the circumstances behind the situation it's hard for me to give good advice. But I can say that I am sort of in the same situation. He has cheated on me and lied many times so I don't trust him and it is sometimes hard to get in the mood, or to even think of having sex with him.
It is up to both people, however, one person cannot just withold sex without a valid reason. Do you have medical problems, are there some trust issues, are you depressed? I would say that since he's going to try to force you to do it within two weeks I'd tell him to get to steppin'.
Chances are, he's already strayed or he has his eye on someone. Both of you need to sit down and figure out why the sex is not happening and what you can do to get it started up again. But I wouldn't allow him to corner me with that threat.
2007-09-17 15:00:57 · answer #8 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 1⤊ 2⤋
You should really ask yourself the question why you're not willing to have sex with him at least two times a week. That's nothing! It sounds like you have insufficient intimacy in your relationship and he feels deprived. Honestly, if you're unable to fulfill his needs, he'll inevitably eventually stray. I'd suggest trying to work on the sex/intimacy issue you guys have or just go ahead and accept that your relationship is finished.
2007-09-17 14:57:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You should get out while you still can. If he's trading an engagement ring for sex, you should dump him as fast as you can. Sex isn't a requirement and if you're not in the mood 2 times a week and he is, then you should both find partners whose sex drive is more compatible.
2007-09-17 15:07:58 · answer #10 · answered by abrennan01 3 · 0⤊ 2⤋