do you like it?

Question

for my grandpa..its been 2years & i just got the nerve to go see his grave.

I remember you so well,
your love, your face, your smell.
Almost like it was yesterday,
you came into my life that way.
You used to be so good to me,
it was almost hard to beleive.
It still hurts every now and then,
thinking how didnt win.
You were definatly the best,
you were different than the rest.
I miss you so much buddy,
I want you here with me!


In Loving Memory of:
James "Buddy" Geston Owens
Sept.30, 1928 - Oct. 15, 2005

Answer 1

Poems from the heart mean the most dont let any one say anything nasty about this poems its wonderful have a star :) sorry to hear about ur granda mine passed away two years ago as well and i wrote a peom for him just before he did i will share it with u


MY GRANDA MR FISHERMAN

My Granda was a fisherman and boy was he good
he taught my father and his brothers about the wood
he showed them all the greatest spots and taught them alot

and you want to see the size of the fish he always caught
they were 12pounds in weight and 3 foot in length
when my granda was younger boy did he have strenght

he was a great fisherman the best who was known and for all this his
effords will be shown it is passed down through the family

from father to his son and all the Family fishers have come out

number 1

thanks for sharing :)

Answer 2

I tend to tip-toe around a harsh critique of memoriam poetry, because the subject matter is so personal and emotionally charge. If your goal was to commemorate your feelings for your grandfather, you have certainly accomplished that, and nobody could ask better writing of you. However, if you wish to improve this piece as a work of literature, and not just a piece of emotional value, then I have some advice:
In the line:
"it was almost hard to beleive"
you might want to check the spelling of 'believe'. Having even one mis-spelled word can drive a serious reader off.
Also, it seems like there is a missing word in the line:
"thinking how didnt win."
Perhaps you meant 'thinking how YOU didn't win"? I'm not sure.
Another small clerical error; I believe that if 'Buddy' is a nickname, it should be capitalized (it isn't in the second to last line). I would double check with a more sophisticated grammar source than myself, but I believe it should be.
There are portions of the poem where the rhyme scheme and the beat pattern are imperfect, but again I'm not sure how severely you want this poem edited. Again, it accomplishes it's purpose very well, but if you wish to work on the execution, I've made my suggestions. I am very sorry for your loss!

Answer 3

aw, I can see you are still in pain.
as the tears are coming again
I like the memories you mentioned
like describing him as the best
It is clear that you two are close
I also like how you said it was like
yesterday.
this was a beautiful poem
and a wonderful way to remember
your grandfather.
If you go to your grandfather's grave
you can read this poem you wrote
my sincere sympathy

Answer 4

That's very touching. You really loved your grandpa.
I really like the poem it's really good. I almost cried.

Answer 5

i like it. its so meaningfull, diffenitely emotional.