Getting him to open up?

Question

Mature Men and Women what do you think?
I am dating a guy I really like. For about 3 months. It is now getting to the point that I am curious about where our relationship is headed. I don't want him to think that I'm trying to pressure him so I decided that I will tell him this:

I’m happy with you, and I want to deep dating…but the future’s important to me so let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks and we’ll decide where this is going and to continue if there’s something more serious that we’re both interested in and want.

What do you think? Does this sound like a pressure free way to get him thinking about what type of relationship he wants to have with me without sounding like a nag or seeming as if I'm trying to pressure him?

Men what do you think? HOnestly! How would you take it if a woman you were dating told you that? Ladies is my approach non-threatening?

Answer 1

STOP STOP STOP!!! STOP listening to women on this subject. The Only thing 3 months is long enough to decide is weather you still like spending time with him. Relax. Your relationship is heading rite where its going. First thing... STOP hiding behind the "Wheres our relationship going?" idea. I will assume that you want more... a commitment? Is he seeing other people? Are you? Do you have an agreement that you are seeing each other exclusivly? Is he the kind of guy who wants that? If you would like to have that exclusivity then you need to know if the "Juice is worth the squeeze." WHAT DO YOU WANT? Do you want to be in an exclusive relationship with him? Then ask with the chance of scaring him off. If you don't want to scare him off.. STOP rushing your relationship let the natural flow happen. It will eather blossom into something great or fizzle out. Oh and BTW... Men are simple creatures with basic needs. We have huge egos with complex fractures already there. Stroke his ego. Thats the true way to make a man happy.

Answer 2

From my experience...I think that you know when a man's interested in more than just dating. 3 months isn't long enough to have the "talk." Although my mother and father have been married almost forty years, had a very short courtship. my mom said that a smart woman gives a man six months to make up his mind. I think that is an excellent amount of time, because as people get busier, it does take much longer to realize if a relationship is going to work. I think that the relationships that have been longer, are due to the interests of the man. I hate to say it, but men totally control where the relationship is going. The only thing women should do is tolerate it or leave. There shouldn't be a conversation. If he wants you, he's not going to let you leave. If he doesn't fight for you and acts like you aren't worth it...it's for the better. I'm actually relieved when a go-nowhere relationship ends. It presents a new opportunity to meet someone new and fall in love again. Marriage is for life and it's very important to find someone who is conscious of the relationship and willing to work at it and die for you. If it's anything less, it's not gonna work, girl.

Answer 3

From my view point it sounds like pressure. You got to approach it non threatening. Trust me - I was in the same position once upon a time :)
One thing I learned from my husband the best way to get a guy to open up is when he is doing something. Take a walk, play mini golf something physical and ask him a few questions. This is what I do when I ask my hubby something important and it was at a park, during a long walk when I asked him if we were serious close to 5 years ago now. We have been married going on 3. He proposed when he was hiking in fact! We discuss bills sometimes outside or while he is working on something.
3 months is a little soon. You may just want to fish a little bit - nothing to direct :)
Take him hiking, walking or something out that you two love doing and drop a few questions and see what happens.
Give it a try, it works and let me know what happens.

Anna :)

Answer 4

It sounds like you are pressuring him. You have only been dating him 3 months. Maybe if you had been dating him a year or 2 I would say go ahead and ask him. But if you want to know where your relationship is going start by picking up on little things. Things that he says or does when you are together or when he talks about you as a couple. I would wait until you have been together closer to a year before asking that question. And you can usually tell when your dating someone how seriously they are taking the relationship. Maybe you just need to listen a little more.

Answer 5

Right now, I would just continue to enjoy each other and getting to know each other. I would not approach him about the future at this stage. Give it a year and by then you will Both know more about each other without the stress of having to deal with what is ahead in the future.

Answer 6

I think you should wait longer to pose that kind of a question. Yes, that is putting on too much pressure. Wait til you have dated a year to start asking questions about the future, it takes time to get to know someone. Slow it down a bit.

Answer 7

I would say , just enjoy the moment..are you in a hurry to marry, what's the hurry? if you are young, well stronger reason not to push, if you are older, you must know by now, what's the best for you.
Yes, this message will probably scare him.....3 months only and you want a commitment??/ no,no,no.
Leave it alone and maybe if you are in a hurry, I would still be comfortable a year from now. After that you and him will know where you guys are going.

Answer 8

I think that sounds really good. You said, let's see how we feel about things over the next few weeks, so you are giving him plenty of time to think about things instead of wanting an answer right now. You also didn't go into, "oh I want to get married, have kids, blah blah blah" and make it too much reality at once. Sounds fabulous, I hope it works out great with you two!

Answer 9

I think your approach is non-threatening, but I wouldn't ask him at the 3-month mark. I think you should wait until at least 6 months. The relationship is still new and you should be enjoying this time getting to know him.

Answer 10

What is your rush? Three months is so little time. Ride the wave! I think it is WAY TOO SOON for this conversation.

Note to Burnsey: How about reading our responses before you tell her not to listen to women? Most of the answers here reflect your exact sentiments (only with better spelling.) Just some advice to you not to prejudge us based on our gender.