I am dating a guy I really like. For about 3 months. It is now getting to the point that I am curious about where our relationship is headed. I don't want him to think that I'm trying to pressure him so I decided that I will tell him this:
I’m happy with you, and I want to deep dating…but the future’s important to me so let’s see how we feel about things over the next few weeks and we’ll decide where this is going and to continue if there’s something more serious that we’re both interested in and want.
What do you think? Does this sound like a pressure free way to get him thinking about what type of relationship he wants to have with me without sounding like a nag or seeming as if I'm trying to pressure him?
Men what do you think? HOnestly! How would you take it if a woman you were dating told you that? Ladies is my approach non-threatening?
2007-09-17 06:21:11 · 16 answers · asked by Heaven26 3 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
To me it does sound like pressure (wow, I have some natural MALE responses WOO HOO).
To me it looks like you are giving him a time line ultimatum - "over the next few weeks we will decide where this is going"
Also, rather than the two of you discussing it - it sounds like you have made up your mind about what will happen.
3 months is really not a long time to have dated, in my opinion it is too early to even be worry about this sort of stuff. You should be living more in the moment and day to day rather than thinking long term.
If you HAVE TO have a discussion like this I suggest simply saying, "Where do you see our relationship going?" and giving him time to answer.
But for me and for any guy I know that is still going to be a flag.
I am curious what is it you are wanting from him? A proposal? A declaration of love? Because you want something or you would not be asking......
2007-09-17 08:15:18 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
For some reason, my first thought would be that you wanted to go and was looking for an excuse. It's better to be direct or a person might think all kinds of things.
What your paragraph translates to (to me) is... I like dating you but if you don't decide on being serious with me in the next few weeks, I think we should move on. Translated further... Be scared because if you don't get serious with me I'm leaving!
Another thing is you're taking charge of the entire "discussion". You are setting the amount of time before the two of you will discuss things, You are deciding what can be done if things aren't serious enough. My advise is to make suggestions, share feelings, ask about how he feels and ask for his input. You're talking about how important your future is but you didn't mention anything about asking him what he wants in his future. You never said anything about asking him if he's happy. Yes, it does sound like you are giving him a little pressure. You are just packaging it in a prettier wrapper.
You have every right to know where you stand. I would suggest that you just ask him. There's no pressure in asking him. Just ask him, but without your time line or ultimatum. That would be the pressure free way to ask. If he's not wanting to get serious, you obviously have the option to discontinue the relationship. You can make that decision without a prior ultimatum however.
Maybe what you can say is...
I’m happy with you, and I want to keep dating, do you feel the same way? I'm concerned about our future and want to make sure we're both on the same page. I have serious feelings for you and no matter how you feel about me, I will still love you more than anything. I would just like to know how you feel. I want to know if you intend on having a meaningful future with me or not. It's not that I want to pressure you. It's just that I'm looking for a long serious relationship and I hope more than anything that you want one too.
Even that is a little pressure, but I tuned it down some.
2007-09-18 22:01:08 · answer #2 · answered by SYSV1RUS 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're dilemna is intriquing because either way it might seem like you are still pressuring him or that you might have "someone" else in mind.
All I have to offer is my past experience. The one time I didn't discuss this issue early on in a relationship, I was with my partner over 16 years. The other times=everytime ended shortly thereafter.
I believe that ALL relationships survive with open, honest communication. Are you in a hurry to find out where this is going? Are you pregnant (please excuse the pun)?
What I'm getting at is that I applaude you're wanting to see where this is heading and wanting to talk about it but approach it cautiously, openly and honestly.
Good luck.
2007-09-17 13:34:32 · answer #3 · answered by wellnotright 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I like good communication. If you want to know something just ask. Time it well and approach it as if it is no big deal. You approach it with fear of being a nag, then it will come across as nagging. Just sit down one evening when you two are enjoying each other, maybe even laughing. Hold his hand look directly in his eyes and with a loving smile say " I reallly enjoy your company, what are you wanting out of all of this or us" The eyes will tell you if he is lying, afraid of saying the wrong thing, or sincere. Good luck
2007-09-24 14:56:36 · answer #4 · answered by Marty G 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is what it reads like for a guy -
"I'm pretty happy where we are, but not really."
"I want more from you."
"I want commitment or buy more stuff. I want the girls to be jealous of me."
"I'm giving you two weeks to buy me more stuff or act more silly like you are in love, or I guess we're breaking up"
"I like you enough to give you this warning. Now is your chance to end this whole thing."
I'm sorry - but that's how I think a guy would see that. The fact that it's a note is part of the reason. Just talk to him.
2007-09-24 12:47:26 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't like what you said.. sounds kind of a pressure on the guy... Why are you asking this question in the LGBT section?
2007-09-17 14:25:23 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
you could be in for trouble! nobody shld teach an older guy about dating.he shld know better by 3mnths.Any other intelligent pressure is nagging !" you dont teach a baby to suck its mother breast " am afraid whats going on with him, has an INNATE factor..check it up...
2007-09-25 05:40:56 · answer #7 · answered by 2face 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Anytime you mention the word future, you add pressure
2007-09-17 14:09:34 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It almost sounds like one of those "lets take a break speeches" be careful that you make your intentions clear and he doesnt take it as your breaking up with him. Other than that it sounds great.
2007-09-17 13:27:55 · answer #9 · answered by Mr. Nobody 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why are you asking the gay men about this? Are you dating a gay man?
Sounds low pressure to me. However, it is not just your words, but how you act. Are you ready to accept whatever answer that you get, without becoming angry, surprised, or overly emotional about it?
2007-09-17 13:25:23 · answer #10 · answered by Randy G 7 · 0⤊ 2⤋