How do you cope with this?? Will the feeling of guit ever go away? Does it make it harder to leave when there is someone else involved?
2007-09-17 05:27:30 · 17 answers · asked by R 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Molly, are you the wife lord the lover? If you are human and not a sociopath, then you have a conscience. This means you will feel something, in fact everyone involved will feel something or should, husband, wife, lover, kids, family and close friends. Cheating hurts more than anyone thinks. It takes a long time to put things back in order. You will find a way to put all that pain and emotion into a closet, close it, lock it, and put a lot of distraction in front of it. But it will never go away. Just be in a place you learn not to go to.
2007-09-17 05:52:53 · answer #1 · answered by cmrwash 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes it is normal. You promised to love that person forever. You said that you would be there until you died and share your life with that person, you feel guilty because you lied. It understandable to leave because they were alcoholics, abusive, addicted to drugs, something out of your control. Everything else can be worked on. Youe made a promise to someone and you didn't kee pit, of course you feel guilty.
Does that make you a horrible person, no, just a liar. You are probably a good person who is really confused but marriage is taken way too lightly anymore. It is a lifetime committment and should only be ended over something that is major. Just the fact that you were married and had a lover makes me sick. You can't have your cake and eat it to. That is how so many people get shot and seriously hurt because tht kind of betrayal is the worst.
Someone out there thinks that you are honest and loving and they married you thinking that you were theirs forever. That they could trust you and you ruined that. You broke their heart and are devastating everything that they thought they had.
Waht goes around comes around and someday you are going to think that you are happy and things are exatly the way that you want them and them WHAM, The love of your life is going to devastate you back. It's called karma. It will get you evertime.
Good luck, and best wishes in the rest of your life but I hope that you slow down and put other people's emotions ahead of your own. They should come first, eveytime.
2007-09-17 05:53:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If the spouse moves on you will get over it, but if they seem unhappy and you know you are the reason than you will always feel bad especially if at some point you loved them, but you did the right thing to leave, if you stay and cheat thats worst, at least you are giving them an opportunity to find happiness as you did, so dont beat yourself up. I would rather my husband tell me he has someone else and leave than do it behind my back.
2007-09-17 05:54:32 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Having a lover is wrong in a first place. So No, I don't know how can people live after crushing someone else's feeling. They deserve to feel guilty for the rest of their lives, and more likely someone will cheat on them eventually.
2007-09-17 05:33:04 · answer #4 · answered by Kent-B-True 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes and yes. you entered the marriage 'for better for worse until death do you part' but that isn't very reasonable is it? it takes a lot to keep a marriage alive forever. and in this age of throw-away everything we've grown accustomed to throwing away our marriages as well. people change, needs change and sometimes the idea of forever isn't sustainable. i've been there. i left her for another woman. we fell out of love. our needs and desires went in different directions. the guilt passes. i'm not supportive of disposable marriages but we (all of us) are entitled to a happy life. we have only one shot at it. if you're not happy, and you don't believe that there's any possiblity to get back to happy with your wife then the time has come. you owe it to her and to yourself. good luck!
2007-09-17 05:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by confusedsoul 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you were with that person probably for a rather long time. You had a connection that is why you fell in love to begin with. Sometimes it is hard to figure out what went wrong when at one time things were perfect. Just be patient and don't let love be shut out from your heart.
2007-09-17 05:33:50 · answer #6 · answered by tipbug81 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Of course it is, what a cheater does is the highest form of dishonesty and disloyalty.
When people who have experienced the loss of two spouses, one by death and one by adultery, were asked which was worse, it was almost competely the same answer: death was much better.
My brother cheated on his wife. Ten years later, his daughters are still suffering effects from his selfish choice.
2007-09-17 05:34:31 · answer #7 · answered by Free To Be Me 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
the guilt is there because you did something wrong. the confusion is there because you are thinking with the wrong head. if you don't want to be with your wife you should break up with both wife and lover. after some time you can then reconnect with the lover guilt free.
2007-09-17 05:32:51 · answer #8 · answered by JoLynn11 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if all legal aspect has been handled, then why have that feeling?
that someone else only serve as a life boat to fill your gap of lonely & confusion
but it does help to drive you further
only when you are clear on what you want in life, then no such feeling at all
2007-09-17 05:49:47 · answer #9 · answered by lost man 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Lots of happy times will remove the feeling of guilt! (you were not happy before right?)
Unless you left a GREAT situation to be in a BAD one, then you should feel guilty for the rest of your life!
2007-09-17 05:32:55 · answer #10 · answered by me4tennessee 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋