We have a 3 year old and a 1 year old. We have a huge mortgage and the 3 year old has started at a private school. My husband stays at home with the kids and with my salary we just about manage. I've always been happy for him to stay at home with the kids because I don't think I'd trust a childminder with my precious children! However - he's always complaining that the kids have either made a mess with matches or they've decorated a room with the contents of a dirty nappy or they've pulled all the coal out of the fire and covered everything... He doesn't clean up after them - he'd rather throw away the offending items! If he's tired he feeds the baby a jar or two (instead of 3 -4) and then just leaves her with milk. My mother-in-law (who has never liked me that much!) has suggested that I hire a cleaner, but firstly I can't afford it and secondly believe that whoever stays at home with the kids should be looking after the kids and the house. Any suggestions?...
2007-09-17 03:56:41 · 29 answers · asked by manno 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have to wonder if your husband isn't a little depressed which is causing his lack of motivation. To be quite honest with you, most men need a career outside the home. Men identify themselves by how they do as a provider. It is just the nature of their gender. I would really take a long hard look at your situation and make some changes that would be for the better for all your family involved. It doesn't sound like the children would necessarliy be better off in the care of your husband on a full time basis. You need to sit down and evaluate all of the pros and cons of your current situation and then possibly make some changes based on other solutions that would created a better balance for you and your family. Don't keep doing the same thing if it is not working, work out the solution between you and your husband, and really have a heart to heart talk that will identify what changes need to be made in the best intrest of your marriage and children.
2007-09-17 04:29:25 · answer #1 · answered by cindy 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Wow, role reversal although my brother is also a stay at home dad. A 3 and a 1 year old are a handful.
The man needs a better routine, if he is home there is no reason the children should not be fed and cared for. Now, the house shouldn't be spotless, but does need to be in order and clean.
Maybe you both need some time together and you can get your meddling mother-in-law to watch the children and straighten up.
Marriage counseling may help improve both of you communicating as it seems you are not on the same page.
Good luck.
2007-09-17 11:09:34 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First remind me why you think your husband is a better caretaker than a babysitter would be? He won't clean up after them and only feeds them the bare minimum if he's tired. Call me crazy, but it would seem your children would be better off in daycare than at home with your lazy husband.
I have no issue with stay at home dad's. I am a stay at home mom. I'm sure I have complained about how messy the kids are, but I clean up the mess as I'm complaining. They are kids, messes are what they do. I always make sure all of the needs of my children are met, no matter how tired I am. I basically do everything around the house so my husband can come home to a clean house and I make dinner. Your husband doesn't sound like a stay at home dad. He sounds like a lazy bum using the kids as an excuse to stay home and do nothing.
2007-09-17 11:10:58 · answer #3 · answered by ♦justme♦ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd love to stay home and take care of our son and the house. The reason why i didn't stay home when our son was born was because i was the one with the job that earned more. I think your husband needs to be more of a disciplinarian. I think that if he had more control over the kids they wouldn't be making as many messes as they do. Kids are great manipulators and will do stuff to get attention whether it be positive or negative. It's up to the the parent to reward the positive and punish the negative.
Raising kids is the hardest job there is by far. It demands that you are constantly on your toes because they will constantly be testing the limits. If your husband doesn't understand this then he should find a job and let you stay home with them.
2007-09-17 11:23:51 · answer #4 · answered by St.Anger 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are entrusting your children into the care of the wrong person every time you walk out the door. If two toddlers are allowed to play with coal and matches, then's your husband is not fit to be in charge of them on a day-to-day basis.
Invest in a registered qualified childminder while your husband goes out and earns a salary! His salary should cover the cost of childminding and provide a bit extra to take the financial pressure off the family! And at least neither of you will be so tired!
2007-09-17 11:21:05 · answer #5 · answered by cautious 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well all moms know how children can be My children are the same age as yours.. men complain about everything If I just wanted to goto the store by myself,my husband would say can't you just take one of them? usually the baby.. I completely agree with you if he stays home he needs to be the one doing everything. I was and still are the stay at home mom (well soon to be working cause I'm getting a divorce) and I know its not the easiest job he needs to do it. If he doesn't want to I think you need to tell him he needs to get a job and help you pay someone to do it. You could ask a family member to watch the kids..
2007-09-17 11:20:50 · answer #6 · answered by Kimberland 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have a talk with your husband about the responsibilities of a stay at home parent. Children need and have to be taken care of....if he doesn't wish to be responsible to his children in an acceptable manner....have him go back to work so that you can stay home and take care of them. Are you serious about the children making messes with matches? There is no reason children should have access to matches in the first place....that is extremely dangerous. Playing with dirty diapers is very unhealthy and playing with coal is extremely dangerous as well.
2007-09-17 11:08:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
What does he do all day??? Kids getting into matches - why are they in reach? Coal out of the fireplace - where is dad? Dirty nappy - why is it not disposed of properly? Too tired to properly feed the baby?
I think you'd do better to hire a nanny/housekeeper and send him off to a 9-5 so his salary can afford the child/house care.
2007-09-17 11:05:13 · answer #8 · answered by Cathy C 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Yes, no offense but you need to tell your lazy husband he is the man of the house hold and he need to work while you stay home and take care of the kids. That way you can handle the stuff at home you are complaining about and he can handle going to work and paying the bills. It's simple switch positions.
2007-09-17 11:18:22 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is his idea of taking care of the children then I'm sorry, you would be better off with a child care service. If he is watching them , how do they do these things? Even so , when they do he should clean up the mess. You need to get a back bone or quit your job and make him get one while you stay home. So ridiculous!
2007-09-17 11:04:17 · answer #10 · answered by kitkat 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋