My 7 year old stepson has outsmarted his dad. He is spoiled. He doesn't throw tantrums, and is generally not a disciplinary problem. However, he usually has control over what happens in our home. Example: He eats what he wants, when he wants, even if it is bedtime. We can prepare a meal for him, or go to a restaurant, and he may, or may not eat, and then expects us to provide snacks for him at 10:30 on a school night because he is hungry. This happened last night and my husband fussed at him, but ultimately, his son got exactly what he wanted. I am concerned that my husband's parenting will affect his son's social skills, among other things as he gets older. This is a new marriage, and we have agreed that, at least for now, we will limit ourselves on how much involvement we have in parenting our step-kids (I have 3 teenagers and his son is 7) Please help me figure this one out. I can't step in and take over, but I can talk to my husband behind closed doors.
2007-09-17 03:56:14 · 7 answers · asked by quietlycrazy 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
You already made your deal, leave the spoiled brat to him. He is only asking for trouble espically when the kid becomes a teen, but that is his problem. Parents these days seem to think that it is ok for the children to run the family, then they wonder where they went wrong.
2007-09-17 04:08:47 · answer #1 · answered by kitkat 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would have to say that being a step parent is anything but, easy ! I would say you may want to back off and let his father hold the reigns.. However, "behind closed doors" tell your husband that he's NOT doing his son any favors by giving in all the time. There has to be structure/discipline with children and the two of you need to come to an agreement on how to handle ALL the children. So, there's no division of power and ultimately the children will play one against the other in time ! Also, if you can and this is a toughie and well. Talk to the MOTHER and see what she does and try to mimic that if it's appropriate and get her involved as well.. It's called co-parenting and if you can handle it it's a great thing ! All the parents step alike parent on the same level so there's no confusion for the children. It just depends on if the parents/steps can get along.... NOT usually an easy task.. good luck
2007-09-17 04:06:17 · answer #2 · answered by pebblespro 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I know what your talking about, Ive been dealing with the same issue, I married five months ago and have gradually been able to step in with my husbands kids. I found that building a trust with them first has worked, I focus mostly on giving and loving and let thier dad handle the discipline part even if I dont agree, but now we have got to the point where my husband trusts my opinions and so do the kids because I have already built that trust with them, I didnt just start in on them right away and they know they are very much loved by me, instead of feeling like im picking on them. I think they actually like getting my two cents now.
2007-09-17 04:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by James 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you already have three teenagers then you don't need someone to tell you that's how kids act at the age of seven. ALL children will play both ends against the middle, and all of them think they are the ones that invented it.
Did you know that your husband had this child prior to your marriage?
Good luck to you on this but it sounds like it's been a while for you and you've forgotten what the smaller kids act like.
I think if you sit down and have a heart-to-heart with your husband about your kids you'll find out that they do somethings that are upsetting to him as well...It's called a family.
2007-09-17 04:04:48 · answer #4 · answered by Ms. M 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I've been thru similar situations. Here's what happened. First, let me say my husband really loves me and I know because he really tries to please me. Anyhow.. Your situation can change, but you have to work on it. It also doesn't happen overnight or maybe even- year. I now this because we were both guilty of those things you described when we first married (step-kids and + relatives we had to accept!) It all has worked out, but like I said, not overnight. I was the main guilty one, too. I was just like your husband! I had to stop because I was making my son a rotton little boy in whom I began to hate. Serius! Make your husband read your question and then my answer. I betcha it will help. Answerers helped me get through my first year! Good luck - you'll make it!
2007-09-17 04:18:47 · answer #5 · answered by Tex 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would suggest you talk to your husband about setting rules for his son. These rules con go for your children too. Maybe you should think about taking away his snack time. If he has a tantrum don't give him the snack until he does what you ask him to do.
2007-09-17 04:06:03 · answer #6 · answered by Fun Size 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Pick and choose your battles...if the kid is not disrespectful and not disrupting the entire household with his requests, then perhaps you should wait a while and see what happens.
2007-09-17 08:42:53 · answer #7 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋