Need some advice/encouragement?

Question

I don't know how to deal with my situation. I am 30 and desperately want a child. I have had 4 miscarriages in the last 8 years, with the last on in February. I have never gotten beyone the 13th week. No doctor has been able to tell me why I keep having all of these problems.
The real problem is with the relationship that I am in right now. I have recently gotten back together with my ex boyfriend. We were together for a very long time and he was the father of 3 of my babies. He claims he had a vasectomy while we were apart (split up for 2 years). I did get pregnant by him in January and he said it couldn't have been his, but there is no possiblity it was someone else's. He still claims he cannot have any more children, he has 2 from a previous relationship. I love him to death and he loves me. We are each other's best friends and want to make this work this time.
I am confused on what I should do. I love my boyfriend and can't see my future without him in it.

But how do I choose between being with him and giving up on having children? The thought of not ever having a child is tearing me apart. There is a possibility that I may never have one anyway.
Does anyone have any advice for someone who wants children but may not be able to have them? Adoption is not really an option for me. How do you get through this?

No he is still alive- the babies are not. I was not looking for rude comments. Is it that hard to give advice and encouragement and keep your opions to yourself?

Answer 1

If what your saying is true, and you got prego by him in January when he "supposedly" had a vasectomy, then something is wrong.

He might not want anymore trauma...like the possibility of another miscarraige...it might be too much for him.

You need to sit down with him and get the truth out of him.

If he really loves you, then he really needs to be truly honest with you.

Best of Luck.

Answer 2

There is no easy way around this situation. Would your ex be willing to go to the DR with you to make sure what he's saying is true? I think that if you really love each other, adoption shouldn't be out of consideration. You need to take things as they come...Just think....the miscarriages might be a way of nature (or God, if you're religious) of doing what's best for you...maybe these pregnancies would've resulted in special needs children...you need to look at the brighter side of life...there are many many babies born from parents that don't want them or can't care for them....I say look into adoption if a family is something both of you want. Good luck sweetie.

Answer 3

Sounds such as you real and deeply already understand what you have got to do. His ordinary mendacity to you over three years is so good conformed he would not understand the reality if it slapped him within the face. He hasn't converted, and may not by no means difference for it is a subculture to him. The bond of believe was once destroyed decades in the past among you too and it's going to by no means be repaired. You will suppose so much bigger and do so much bigger for your self with out the likes of him making you appear like a jackass daily of your existence. Think optimistic and transfer on along with your existence WITHOUT him! He has pulled you for your lowest and also you don't want an anchor tied round your neck so you'll by no means stand up once more. You can do such a lot bigger and also you deserve so much bigger. Believe me, there may be anybody looking forward to you correct now. Don't pass leaping from a frying pan correct right into a scorching skillet...take it slow and do not rush some thing and permit your beyond studies be courses in existence on your long term. Good Luck and God Bless!!

Answer 4

If he had a vasectomy then he should have a scar. Probably really small and you might have to hunt for it depending on how well he grooms downstairs.

If he really did and he is the father then perhaps you should suggest that he go back to his doc and get his sperm count checked.

It sounds as if your boyfriend is quick to get defensive and does not appear to be committed to a long term relationship. I question the motivation around why you want kids. You maybe putting too much emphasis on a physical desire to be pregnant vs. caring an loving a child for many years. Remember, pregnancy is just a blip in the life of the kid. Adoption is an excellent opportunity to love and care for a kid.

Answer 5

I had a vasectomy and there is no scaring at all (the one guy does not know that he is talking about).

Like the Frankinferter guy said, you don't need kids. You likely can't have them anyway. You don't need to wreck your body having another miscarriage. Just stick with him, and not have kids. Living Child free is a blessing. Just take any of your friends whom have kids aside and ask them in private if they regret having kids. They will never admit it in private, but most parents regret having children.

Answer 6

if you were really sure that hes the father of your previous pregnancies and he dont accept that, how can you tell that hes really the guy for you...?? he should be man enough to accept that...bring him to the doctor & have his vasectomy check... if you desprately wanted to have a child and he cant compromise on that, you should think twice already..IS HE WORTH TO BE YOUR MAN??? if he really loves you he shld love you unconditionally... if he really hAd the vasectomy already and cant give you child, you have 2 choices, either to find another man or accept the reality... goodluck...

Answer 7

Why do you need children? They are just plain overrated. He did the right thing by getting the vasectomy.

Answer 8

What in the ----,do you mean,he WAS the father ?
Is he dead,or what ? "WAKE UP"