My husband and I are on the verge of divorce.We have been married a year and a half and have 2 children.I love my husband dearly, but cant find my way anymore.We have had sexual problems in our marriage for about 9 months.He stopped wanting it.It hurt and finally I figured he was cheating. Im not sure that he wasnt and still isnt but I did find out why.I had gotten pregnant again a while back and miscarried.I gained some weight and he said that while he thought I was beautiful he wasnt attracted to me.He has always been very visual and made me feel bad about myself.I have tried our whole marriage to be what he wants, short hair, clothes etc... its not enough.He always wants more.Right now hes upset about where his life is headed.He said hes bored with the family life and with me and the kids. My kids love him and my 3 year old son and 1 yr old daughter will be devestated.He says he wants to work on it but wont try for more than a few days. What now? I am a SAHM w/ no work history.
2007-09-17 03:33:26 · 15 answers · asked by aalshafi 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I have lost a lot of the weight but still nothing from him. I dont think he even notices. I have felt like a single parent for a long time now. Hes gone many hours and not home often unless its to sleep or play on the computer or watch tv. My kids and I rarely get attention and I feel so low of myself its not even funny. Dont get me wrong when he puts his mind to it, he can make a wonderful father and hes even a good husband, but its not often. Is it so much to ask for? To feel safe, and loved, no matter what happens. To have a happily ever after. Divorce is so scary, and the pain is awful. Are most husbands like this? Do they want their free time more than time with the family? Do they always want more?
2007-09-17 03:36:28 · update #1
I think you need to move on. Your husband sounds abusive at best.
You need to keep what's going on between your husband and you from the kids. There isn't any reason why your 1 & 3 year olds even need to know about this and they don't have the capacity to be "devastated".
Good luck to you in getting out of this mess. You are (I'm sure) a strong woman and you can do it!!!
2007-09-24 19:26:55 · answer #1 · answered by **Llola** 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What now? If you haven't gone to counseling yet (yourself, if he won't go ith you), then now's the time. I don't know what the costs are where you are, maybe there's a low-cost clinic if you can't afford it-- but you need to get some mental support here. What you may not realize is that you're actually been living in a "borderline" abusive relationship. Your husband is "visual"? No, darling, your husband is controlling. Lose weight, hcnage your hair, change your clothes... you've lost your own identity and you need it back. He's bored? Sure-- he's done what he wants to do with you and he doesn't want to get to work. Start getting online to do some courses that can help you get some qualifications. If there are people who can help watch the children, take a day course or launch into a small, part time "entry level" job where all you will need are the skills you currently have (real life, school) to get things started. When your husband DOES try, make sure you are trying 100% with him-- and if he's not, don't stoop to his level. Stay calm, but assertive, look after yourself and your children, and you may end up having to move your life for real into what it's been feeling like for a long time now-- single motherhood. I'm so sorry you're going through this, sweetie. Prayers coming your way. Good luck and God bless.
2016-05-17 04:49:53 · answer #2 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can you get him to go to marriage counseling with you? In an atmosphere of discussion with a third party, a lot of issues that are 'hot' get defused and at least you might hear something new from him that will shed light on what's going on.
He could be stressed, worried about finances, abusing drugs, realizing he's in a dead end job; any number of things. One thing is certain - if you got a job and you two were pulling together financially in this marriage, something would change.
Within the marriage, there might be good changes. But even if there weren't, at least you'd know you could face the world with some work experience ongoing. Being a stay at home mom, you are extremely vulnerable. That is not good.
2007-09-22 19:46:38 · answer #3 · answered by kathyw 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't care if he is visual- if he can't see you or the kids and act accordingly- he is a LOSER!
We all love a loser now and then- it hurts. JUST get yourself into a good position- while you are still married work out, eat right, find a hobby, make some friends, and get a life- he will turn around and see you eventually- when he does- tell him its over... LOL
No, for real- sometimes a wife can be like a bottomless pit- so men go out looking for better- if you have lost your own self in this relationship- and it sounds like you have with your weight and other issues- simply work on yourself. That is all you can really do. You may find you don't want him this desperatly bad- after all, you are vulnerable right now so after you focus on YOU, you may wake up and find he isn't your type. *SINCE HE WASN'T THERE FOR YOU!
2007-09-21 07:27:00 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
sweetie your husband divorced you a long time ago. he has lost interest in the married life. he has been honest with you as far as that, so get your self together. get a job and start living for you and the kids. leave your husband alone so that he can figure out what it is in life that he thinks he is missing. stop trying to change you to fit him. it will never work. act like he is not there and find you a job. you should not be totally depend on him to take care of you and those kids. you have been providing for them without him being there physically so continue on. but sweetie you need to go back to school or something but find you a job ASAP and start living for you. you can not change him by no means. if he wants out them give it to him. you will be a much happier mother and person. it will be less stress on you. trust me you will find a guy that will love you for you and your kids. its not the end of the world, but at this point stop allowing him to dictate how you will feel for the day and for the rest of your life. let it go. he is not worth the headache. sweetie. stress is a silent killer. think about those kids needing their mother. GodBless
2007-09-24 18:39:41 · answer #5 · answered by Crystal G 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to start your life from this point on. Go look for a job, even if it is a part time job. It will get you out of the house, and around people. You need to start taking care of yourself, not for any one else but yourself. Start putting on makeup, do your hair, get dressed up, even if it is to sit on the floor watching tv. This is for you. If your husband will not work on saving the marriage, it must not mean that much to him, but when you start living your life, as if he wasn't there, It will make him realise that you don't need him to have a life. You might finally realise that you are a good person, and have a lot to offer someone that would appreciate you.
2007-09-24 10:43:25 · answer #6 · answered by LIPPIE 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through a divorce myself and it's not pretty. If you think you feel bad right now, believe me when I tell you that it gets worse. I wish my ex wife and I had asked for help from anybody and everybody but we never did. Both of you need to reach out and ask for help if you want to try and salvage your marriage. Ephesians 5-22 through 5-32. This is from the book of Ephesians in the Holy Bible. Some might say that there just simple words but had I read those "simple words" I would still be married.Try anything and everything to save your marriage. Good Luck.
2007-09-18 21:40:21 · answer #7 · answered by Dodgerdog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The funniest thing is, when you finally do move on and realize he was not half the man you once thought he was. Then he will be crawling back. He wants to go be single....that gets old quickly. You sound like an awesome person who deserves better and believe me you will find it. By the time he realizes how special you are you will be with someone else. Don't settle for any one who does not make you feel like you deserve!
2007-09-17 03:44:24 · answer #8 · answered by lady J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
in the first place you have to be true to yourself you have to be who you are you cant spend your whole life with some one that wants only what he wants and cares nothing for your needs. and your kids will end up all screwed up living in this kind of enviroment. get a job put your children in day care or with a family member while you work and start getting yourself some i can do this attitude. you will start feeling better about yourself and you wont be so caught up in what he thinks about you because you will feel better about yourself and if things dont change then you will be able to see your way free to leave the loser and restart your life. im so sorry this is happening to you. wishing you the best......MOE...
2007-09-17 03:57:18 · answer #9 · answered by moe 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, he is a loser. Let his sorry *** go!
It sounds like he is very shallow and no matter what you do, it will never be enough. "He's bored with family life", I guess he should have thought about that. A parent does not just walk away from their children. You can do so much better. Don't waste your time on someone who is never going to add up. You will regret it in the end.
2007-09-21 16:16:03 · answer #10 · answered by RPrincess 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋