My husband and I are recently separated (actually 2 weeks) and I have an appointment with my attorney tomorrow but at night I miss him. I know he did stuff he shouldn't have done and I DONT want to get back together with him, but I miss his arms around me at night and the good night kisses and stuff like that...when I think about it I want to cry, what should I, or could I do? I dont really think its HIM that I miss more than the companionship(sp?). I cant spell. I just feel so...alone. I am staying with my grandmother and she just gets on my nerves! But what can I do to forget about that feeling? please help!
2007-09-17 03:24:06 · 15 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It's not unusual by any means. Been there...done that. And you are right, it's not necessarily him that you miss. The two of you were together for a while and you got used to having that companionship. it doesn't mean that you are afraid to be alone or that you always feel the need to have him there. It just means that you have to train yourself to your new surroundings. It won't happen overnight but the longer you are alone, the easier it will become.
2007-09-17 05:08:06 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's normal. I think we all go through it, I sure did. The first year is the hardest but every day it gets just a teeny bit easier.
You need time to grieve for the death of your marriage. It really is like mourning.
Can you see a counselor to help you work through this? Just having someone to talk to about the things that is going on can sometimes be the biggest help.
Anyone you live with right now will get on your nerves. It's normal to transfer our emotions to those that are around us. Try to spend at little time at home as possible.
Take up a new hobby, take a course at the local college of something that is fun (like sculpting, origami or whatever is interesting to you).
Go out with your friends but do not start dating right away. A good rule of thumb is that it takes half the amount of time you were with someone to really get over them. So if you and your husband were together for 10 years, in 5 years you will be back to normal.
Best of luck to you
2007-09-17 03:41:02 · answer #2 · answered by sassydontpm 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's typical to feel this way when you still have feeling for your spouse.
I had my kids to keep me busy and at night I would let the baby sleep with me just so I wouldn't feel so alone at night. If you don't have kids you should buy a little puppy it's just like having a kid and they are so cuddly in the middle of the night.
Make so time to be with your friends and try not to be at home alone very often until you get used to the fact that you made this decision to be apart and think about all the reasons that you are where you are now.
You have to make yourself happy. Once you get back on your feet again life is great and GOD will bring that special person that is to make you happy when the time is right.
Keep your head up and don't give in. Sometimes being alone to find yourself is what alot of us need to realize that life has so much more to offer then what we rushed into in the first place.
2007-09-17 03:35:15 · answer #3 · answered by Valentina 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You're right. You miss the affection. You miss the companionship. It's still early and all your emotions are in turmoil. It's natural to crave the calming effect, the security of companionship. This will change over time.
Focus more on why the two of you separated. Focus more on your future, which is brighter and wide open right now, rather than looking to the past.
You can and will get through this. Just be careful to make decision based on your head and not your heart.
2007-09-17 03:34:48 · answer #4 · answered by JB 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even now, after being divorced for a year, I still have that feeling of loneliness at night, too. No, it's not unusual! What you do is keep reminding yourself of why you aren't together anymore. You are so right to realize that it's not him you miss, but the companionship. It's a trade off.... happiness and serenity 95% of the day and a little bit of loneliness for 5% of it. Sleeping in a cold bed is a small price to pay for getting your peace of mind back.
2007-09-17 03:33:19 · answer #5 · answered by meagain 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No, it's not unusual to feel bad when you have pledged your life to be with a person, for better or for worse, and then left that commitment. You shared an intimate bond and that's gone now. Like the empty feeling on the finger that used to hold your wedding ring, the lengthy explanations to people who you haven't seen in some time why you are using your married name, the shame of not being able to handle the simple relationship that your parents, grandparents, and generations of your ancestors managed to, all of that will eat at you as you struggle to move on and convince some other man that you are somehow worth investing his life with when you couldn't make it work the first time. It's going to be hard, lonely, and you will face nightly despair. In the current dating realm, you are going to be competing with younger women with less baggage for the attention of the few decent men on the market, and its not a fight many divorced women are very well prepared for. You will date loser after loser, with a few psychopaths and secret addicts thrown in, and by the time you hit 40 you will likely have either settled down with some pathetic guy that is the best you can hope for, or you will decide that maybe marriage is overrated and you can do just fine on your own. Meanwhile, your biological clock will be going off and no one will be hitting the snooze alarm. Dying alone isn't so bad. After all, everyone loves the batty old lady with all the cats.
Keep all of this in mind when you go talk to your attorney.
2007-09-17 04:03:15 · answer #6 · answered by terry m 3 · 1⤊ 2⤋
I know how you feel... I have the same feelings for my soon to be ex-husband. I know I don't want to get back together with him either. It is hard for the first couple months We have been seprated for 185 days. I have two little kids, they keep me busy and I live with my mom, she gets on my nerves too! So when other people tell you to get a puppy, maybe thats a really good idea... or a cat whatever you like...
2007-09-17 04:01:24 · answer #7 · answered by Kimberland 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can totally relate. When my ex-husband and I separated, I missed having someone around. You'll feel empty for a while, but I PROMISE it gets easier. I threw myself into work and church, and I got a dog. I know it's cliche, but animals are miracle workers. Find something you love - painting, volunteering, reading - and jump in. You might find someone new while you're at it. Plus it'll get you away from your grandmother. Good luck!!
2007-09-17 03:36:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you want out than think out > Stop thinking the good times you have to keep your defenses up till it's over >The dependency will pass in time>Look ahead not back> Smile< it will only get better>
2007-09-17 03:36:16 · answer #9 · answered by 45 auto 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You will get thru it. If he treated you wrong you need to focus on that becasue that is the reality of who he is. Get a puppy and forget him. Some day you will not feel this way. You will fine someone who treats you right! And all you will feel is happy you left him. We all go thru stages. Let it happen work thru it and you will be fine.
2007-09-17 03:33:47 · answer #10 · answered by openminded 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋