What is going to happen?

Question

things have not been too good between me and my husband for a while, there have been many up and downs and I feel that i am of no great importance to him right now,. He finds it hard to talk and never pays me attetionand barely acknowleges me sometimes.

A guy at work started paying me attention and i was flatered, he then said he wanted to be with me, and as tempting as it was to kiss him I told him I loved my husband. there was a chemistry but I never took it further.

Last night during an argument i told my husband about this other guy and how alive it made me feel knowing someone liked me and made me feel attractive and desired. Im now so scared of what will happen with us. When we first met he was quite a jelous man and I thought my confession would shock him into bucking his ideas up, but he simply put his shoes on and left. He always told me that fancying someone else was cheating and that he would leave if that ever happened. What do you think he will do?

I am currently in marraige counselling, but my husband would not come. Im scared he will twist this around in his head as a full blown affair or tell me he no longer trusts me.

And thanks Back W for the compliment!

Answer 1

I can't say what will happen in your situation, but I can tell you what happened to me when I was in the EXACT same situation. I gave my husband every chance in the world to prove that he actually cared enough about me to want to try and keep me. Like your husband, he pretty much put on his shoes and left. I made it clear that the absence of any sex or even any physical affection whatsoever was very difficult for me, that it was tempting when other men showed me affection and he didn't, etc..... He made it clear that he didn't give a damn. So I gave into someone else's affections. THEN my husband decided to give a damn. This is wrong on so many levels. If he really cared and loved you, he'd be willing to see the depth of pain he is causing you and be willing to work on fixing it. If he doesn't want you "fancying" someone else, he'd better start fancying YOU. And if he doesn't, you leave. Don't give him the satisfaction of being able to tell everyone that you cheated, without telling the other side of the story.... that he neglected you to the breaking point. You deserve better, girlfriend.

Answer 2

I don't know. Have you talked to him since? You probably shouldn't have told him about this other guy... When you did, did you make a point to tell him that nothing happened? He might start to have feelings of distrust.
You need to talk to him. How often have you told him that you feel this way? Was the argument the first time your brought it up? If so, it would be unfair of you to expect him to read your mind. If you haven't talked to him about it prior, he probably had no idea there was even a problem. Sometimes when you're with someone for a long time, the passion in the relationship dies. He may find you very attractive and desirable but just doesn't feel the need to tell you. Let him know how you feel and would appreciate if he'd show you a little more affection. If he loves you, he will do what he can to see you happy.
I'd assume he'd stew about it, and that will make things worse. You'd better talk to him ASAP and find out what's going through his mind. He may be feeling exactally how you wanted him to, jealous. Not everyone handles jealousy the same. It might cause animosity between the two of you instead of bringing you closer together like you hoped. Apologize to him for bringing it up, and explain to him why you did... that you were trying to make things better and not worse.
It's not a nice thought, but sometimes it happens where two people just don't belong together. Maybe if the two of you are unhappy together, you should think about seperating for a while and figure out what it is that you both want and need and if you'll find that in this relationship. If you can't, it'd be better to find out now then to waste years on a hopeless marriage.

Answer 3

My heart always aches whenever I hear of situations like yours. Men are a lot slower than woman when it comes to realizing the condition of their relationships. You are feeling unimportant, and perhaps lonely and undesirable.

This makes you extremely vulnerable. I know that you crave attention right now, but stay away from that guy at work. If you don't, you will end up sleeping with him... that's a fact. I'm sure that you are already thinking about him, and looking forward to going to work everyday. Your heart may even be skipping a beat whenever you hear his voice or catch a glimpse of him.

You are on dangerous ground.

Get some marriage counseling. If you no longer want the marriage, then have enough respect for yourself to get over one relationship, before jumping into another one.

As for your husband, who knows what he will do. Perhaps your admission will wake him up, or maybe it was the excuse he was looking for so that he can leave.

Are you sure he's not interested in someone else?

Answer 4

Depends on how long you've been together. As a husband, something like that would have affected me MUCH differently in the early years, than in the later years.

I predict he will just try to use that against you at first. He may even use that as an excuse to do a little fooling around on his own. However, in a couple weeks, it may begin to occur to him that it may be at least partly his fault.... but not at first.

If this whiole thing completely blows up in your face, you can tell him you just made it up in order to bring attention to yourself and to the problem yall are having. Somehow, you two have to find out what the real problem is.

The only positive out of what you did (or almost did), is it will get you two talking about your problem and maybe starting on a solution.

Answer 5

Hard to say what will happen but it sounds like your husband has some major issues. Don't be too hard on yourself. Just think - if he was treating you well, you would never have had an encounter with someone else in the first place. It always takes 2 to tango..and there are always 2 sides to every story. I really hope things work out for you in the end.

Answer 6

i think that ur husband has found someone else ,and the fact that u told him this does not phase him, because this is what he wants and it gives him an excuse to do it even more. He may not be attracted to you anymore or maybe he is going through something, but as for as this other guy i think that u should really think about this before you get seriously involved with him,because right now u r vulnerable and men can smell this a mile away.They prey on it.so be careful.and talk to ur husband and try to find out what's really going on.

Answer 7

It's not uncommon for someone who is not getting the attention and acknowledgment they require to start looking elsewhere. You need to sit down and have a serious talk with your Husband. Find out why he is ignoring you. You need to tell him what you want and need out of your relationship, and ask him point blank if this is something that he can still provide. You resisted the advances of another man for him.. there is no reason for him to be upset at you. You are the one wanting to work on your relationship. All that you want is to feel desired, and some attention. that is NOT too much to ask.

You need to figure out if he can still provide what you need out of a relationship... or if you need to find someone else that can provide it. You deserve to be happy, and to have a man that shows you how much you mean to him.

Good Luck.

Answer 8

It's hard to tell. People SAY things they don't necessarily mean. Well, they may mean it at the time they "say" it until they are really confronted with the reality of the situation. He may very well be out "thinking" right now about how you've been feeling and why. Now, unfortunately you need to sit and wait it out. I know....it sucks and I'm sure you are stressed -- hang in there. If it's meant to stay a marriage -- then it needs to go both ways.

Answer 9

Good for you, some men need kicked in the butt to wake them up. You have for warned him about your loneliness so if he doesn't want to loose you he will give you the attention you need, if not I'd say the reason he is not paying you any attention is his mind is on another woman, I hope I'm wrong but he sounds like he may be cheating.

Answer 10

Pray to God continually whilst attempting, as God facilitates people who help themselves rather than people who're lazy. Lord Krisna suggested in Bhagavad Gita, we ought to continually carry out our works and resign the fruit of our action. So we ought to save attempting and locate excitement in doing our artwork, whether or no longer we get the needed result. we ought to continually no longer lose desire. Do your suitable and go away something to God,it is going to all come marvelous some day or night.