His child is a user and I dont like her. Can you tell me if I am in the wrong?

Question

When we first met, he planned a Valentines day dinner with me and in the middle of the dinner, I heard him trying to apologize to someone on the other end of his cellular phone for not spending valentines day with her- it turned out to be his 25yo married daughter who found out he was out on a date.
She has moved home with her husband and kids about once every year. She doesnt have a job and has never worked more than 2 weeks anywhere in her life. She constantly begs and borrows money off her dad. Last time she moved in with her dad she shopped 2-3 x a week and blew money like it was water.
For crying out loud, I work with gals 4 yrs younger than her who have been in Iraq twice and are already 1/2 way thru there college degrees. It makes her look so pathetic. All her whining and being a hypochondriac. She spends more time going to the doctor in a year than I have in 5 yrs. No job
Her dad has diabetes and renal failure, but she doesnt mind borrowing $$. Is it me ?

Answer 1

When dating new people with kids, theres something VERY important you most know, when looking at these things. DON"T BLAME THE KID!!!!! RRRRRRRRRRRRR You have to raise kids, this one wasn't, why, how, and what went wrong specks VOLUMES about him. To much in our society we want to blame kids for their wrong doings, their neglects, abuses, short-comings, and its a horrible way to look at it, becasue the fix isn't with the KID!!! IT'S HIM!!!! If you keep thinking its her, your never going to fix this, your just going to bang your head against a brink wall, because DAD is their to keep the behavior up. To reinforce it, and to propatiate it. Another thing to consider is that he put/raised/trained/neglected this behavior into her, chances are he neglected his fatherly duties and had a habit of "compensating" for it in different ways, it could also be alot of things. So realize you just stepped into a dysfunctional father-daughter relaitonship in which YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE ANY POWER IN!!! (Also you see how its a relationship problem, that has caused individual problems, but the problem still exsist because of the relationship)With that said all you can do is ether force him it to make right descions for her (at this point most likly to late and your just going to be rubbin salt into some pretty old wounds) or join him in "coping" with the problem. Ether way you cut it, this isn't a good relationship to get into. You show some good signs of intellegence's so please for the love of all that is holy realize what your gettting into, might not be worth you..... ALso you talking to her about this would be the worst thing YOU could do, oooo boy would that be a mistake, don't believe, try it...... that should give you a reality check about what it is I'm saying here......