please advise im mad?

Question

my husband dosnt talk to me first about nothing he sold his brother a truck and he owes us 6000.00 since may has not paid a penny and we carry the insurance not to mention he just loand another brother 1200.00 and now his sister wants us to pay air fair for her to come visit it cost 2800.00 she didnt want to get up to early for the 2000.00 flight for her family so she is putting us out another 800.00 dollars he dosnt ask me about it until he does it not to mention its my birthday and he asked me to wait till xmas for my ring our money is tight i feel like leaving him im hurt and pd off i cant even look at him and she wants to stay at our house for a few days while we paid for her to come do i have a right to feel this way im in the marriage to and work he has no regards for my feelings.

yes i have 4 kids 2 that have disabilities

Answer 1

OMG I am so sorry that he is putting you through this... My ex use to do stuff like that...I believe that if your going to make a decision that big you should sit down with each other and discuss all scenarios... He needs to think of your needs first before taking care of his family...I am not saying you should leave but I do think you need to sit down with him and tell him how you are feeling...Good luck dear

Answer 2

Well first of all I would make your feelings VERY clear to him (it does not say in your question if you have talked to him about it or not) and I would let him know that when he married you that meant that you and your children were to become first priority. His family sounds extremely selfish (like not taking the early flight when your getting a FREE plane ticket and not paying anything on the truck when he knows if it had been from a car lot the repo man would have been at his house a long time ago!). If your husband can't understand where you are coming from, I would start to separate your money. Set up your own account in just your name and start putting your paycheck in their, not in your joint accounts. When he ask why tell him your tired of having your money spent in ways that you don't approve of. If you have to go this far, start paying 50% of all the bills out of your account and leaving the rest for him, I bet after that he wont have as much money to pay for all those things for his family.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are over reacting a bit. He is obviously helping out family and not spending it on a girlfriend or drinking. I guess being overly helpful is annoying, but wow that is not that terrible of a trait.

What I got out of what you said was you are a bit selfish and you are upset because you want stuff. You want stuff (a ring) so bad you plan to leave.

You can have a happy birthday without stuff. You are an adult and stuff is not the most important thing in life. I would rather get presents that matter, like a persons time, and maybe a good meal from the wife. people spend time with those they truley care about. You are talking about leaving over a ring or not feeling #1.

Voice your dissatisfaction. But really, leaving over this? You are amazingly selfish or don't understand marriage and love.

Go talk with him and discuss the spending of money. Helping family is part of being a tight family. be glad that you are able to help.

And 2800 for a flight is a bit high. The moon is only $2200.

Answer 4

It kinda is because he probably feels that he just wants to chill some more u know have a little more free time before taking the responsibility of bieng a father. I mean he has his whole life waiting for him to try new stuff that he has never done before but its njot like yooum made him get you pregnant so its not ur fault know that .As you took responsibility he should too.I understand that he should be a man and take care of his son that he and you made .But I GUESS that whenever the going gets tough then he'll back out for some fun then come back to "Be a FATHER" then will probably back down again from the job. So the answer is both yes and no. But I mean what do I know Im only 13.

Answer 5

In my marriage currently, and my previous marriage, it was always a partnership.
When I'm working and my wife isn't, then she does most if not all of the housework. When it's reversed, then I do most if not all of the housework. When we both work, then the housework is split down the middle, or proportionally if the hours worked aren't equal.
However, the money that comes in is alway OURS. It doesn't just go to me when I work and her when she works. We both spend it, AND, we both decide how it will be spent.
Obviously someone has to be in charge of the finances, but never is one or the other of our opinions disregarded solely on the basis of what one wants to do. We always weigh the merits of any major expenses, and while it may not always set well with her or myself that one of our choices didn't get picked when there's more than one at the same time, it is always a partnership decision.
If I treated my wife the way that your husband treats you, or if I spent our money the way that he spends yours, she would definitely leave!! And I couldn't (and wouldn't) blame her a bit.
My advice is to let him know just how you feel about his monopoly on your money use and tell him you want equal footing in the decision making. If he refuses, ridicules you, or just dismisses you, then you have two choices: (1) Withhold all your money and spend it the way you see fit, or (2) Leave him and find someone who values you as a partner and not as his property.

Good Luck!!!

Answer 6

Your husband sound very generous to his family but has he forgot that he has family with need also. sold truck to his brother and still pay insurance on it and has not paid one penny the brother. now his sister want you to pay for her air fair do you have money falling out of the sky so i can come and get some. you have every right to be up set they are taking advantage of you and your husband. Being that he has no regard for your feelings , My heart goes out to you but you have allowed this man to do what ever he has wanted for a long time. there is no way to teach and old dog new tricks.

best of luck

Answer 7

Marriage is based on love, trust, and respect. It seems that your marriage is lacking in the respect. You have a right to be consulted on financial matters because they affect your family's quality of life. Have you voiced your concerns to him? Your discussions cannot be a blame game or a pity party because he will shut you out. I suspect there are other issues beside money at play. If you attend a local church, discuss your concerns with your pastor and try to set up counseling for yourself and your husband as a couple. Professional counseling is another option.

Do not let financial turmoil destroy your marriage. Seek help, be assertive, and let your husband know how you feel.

Answer 8

Your in a bad position on this one however, are you going without food, housing, utilities etc. because he helps his family? Was the money he used to help them YOUR money {meaning that he's not working right now}

I know your upset about a ring he was going to give you for your birthday and I'm sorry but when it comes right down to it the two of you have a difference in your viewpoints of family.

You really need to talk about it but if I were you I'd be really careful what I'd say, sounds like your husband was raised under the blood is thicker than water theory.

Good luck

Answer 9

There is no way I would stand for that.
Stand up for yourself, tell him this is how things are going to be, you are in the marriage too, and you should not be put on the back burner because his brother is not willing to pay, and his sister is to lazy to get up to save you $800 when you were nice enough to get the ticket to begin with.

You need to tell him...
His brother is a big boy, he has to pay or the truck comes back, cancel the insurance on it.. TODAY.

His sister can stay somewhere else, that is no reason for you to support her while she is visiting, let someone else do that, you paid for her to get there.

Let him know how you feel, let him know that his family is using him and you (because you are married to him) and you dont want to be used. Tell him that you dont care that he loves and wants to help his family, but not to the point where you are being left out. Tell him marriage is 50/50 and you are not seeing it as that.. let him know you are p'd off and you want to leave because of his lack of willingness to stand up for his marriage.

Answer 10

My sister was in the very same situation. Her husband was always doing stuff like this for his brother and sister (who were capable to do this stuff for themselves). It was one of the big problems that led to divorce. Your husband feels like he has to take care of these siblings for some reason and these good-for-nothings don't feel any obligation to you and your husband.

You didn't mention if kids were involved but if you have some, remind your husband that these things are taking food and eduction and stuff away from your kids. His siblings are grown and if keeps supporting them then they WON'T support themselves.

Your husband may make the money but it is for both of you to decide how to spend it.

You don't need your husband to make the call to cancel the insurance on the truck, you can do that without your husband. Tell your husband to repo the truck.

Answer 11

aw, you definatley have a right to be mad. Sounds like your husband is kinda of a pushover and wants to please everyone, he knows he can get away with disappointing you in the end so he continues to do it. I suggest stand your ground, demand better communication between the two of you especially when large amounts of money are involved. Tell him you don't think it is fair to always put you in second place. Try talking things out and maybe you guys can strike up a deal before she comes out so there isn't too much tension in the house while she's there.