I was given the right answers, but still want to do the wrong thing, Am I doomed to be this loser forever?

Question

My previous question, about leaving my husband recieving extremely helpfull advice, Thank you to all who answered. But now I realize how much of my situation is my fault. I don't know if i've ever been so affriad of waking up in my life...Okay here it goes.

I've been on one drug or another since i was 8 years old. My parents divroced when I was ten and I had no rules or consequences. At twelve I was admitted into the hospital for swallowing an entire bottle of exedrine. I needed to feel I had controll of something so I wouldn't eat. At 78 pounds when they shoved a feeding tube up my nose, I continued to be a pain for everyone for a month when I was released. My mom she sent me to Idaho with my best friends family(We we unseperable since before we can remember). This family was 6 boys and 1 girl, so naturally growing up was a fight. I snuck down from the attic into a room where her brother and his friend were. I was messing around with her brother like many times before.

He then asked me if he could go all the way. I said no, but he didn't listen. I was afraid of alerting parents sleeping in the next room, so I didn't do much to stop it. He then gestured to his friend to have a go.
13 I ran away on a grey hound bus with two friends from school. I started drinking very heavily, and didn't seem to give a $%&# what guy was on me. So what started at huffing gas at 8 untill now 22 I have no real concept of life. So I thought it would be great to get married and bring a kid into the world. I want to just go to some small town and find some job in labor, make a life for my daughter and I. But I will have to leave her behind while I get enough money to get a place. Her dads has raised her while I took care of everything else. Plus she tends to treat me like her dad does. I'm not sure that I can raise her.
And I just died inside facing the truth

Answer 1

Only you can change your future and only you.
You have to want it bad enough to get it.
You do have a very good reason for doing it, if not for yourself then for your little girl.
Do you really want her to grow up and treat her kids the way he is treating her?
You have recognized your problem and what has caused it for the most part now comes the hard part.
Learning by your mistakes and not repeating them, making yourself a better person because of it.
You don't have to be a loser if you chose not to be any longer.
Good Luck with this it will be a very hard process for a while but in the end it will be worth it.

Answer 2

IF you preserve it that means.. Then you possibly creating a option that would most effective appear particularly fascinating on its floor. But you are going to finally turn out to be being with your self. That is the time whilst you would begin to consider careworn and at a truly loss, most of the time no longer even understanding the truly rationale every now and then. We most often acquire what we sow from our deeds..That will obviously urge one to consider anything inexplicably within of you prefer a form of guilt in cover of unknown unhappiness or loneliness..It is the typical factor that bewilders the being. Because you cannot nonetheless be conscious of it.. You needn't to be a brilliant noble hero. Just to take a look at to be well..At least in your self you might also recognize on the way you must do to higher along with your approaches, For as a way to additionally result in a higher long run. Than simply doing the ones wild and ordinary adventures continually. Maybe there must be a time while you'll get on via it..To pursue a extra peaceable and more secure pleasure as a truly shrewd character you're.. I imply no longer the nasty ones..Like the ones unusual perverted approaches. Best of success to you..!! And your peers too..!!

Answer 3

That's great that you have recognized this situation and you must be seeking somewhat to change your life for the better or you wouldn't be here asking.

It is when you get tired and fedup with riding this broken down Merry Go Round in life that you will take those steps needed to get off it and start a better walk in life.

Your right everyone can give you good answers but unless you get up off your thing and allow this new life to enter in you will remain going around in circles. Why? for what purpose ?

If you allow it to continue you will always feel like this loser.
In fact I believe you are not a loser and your past does not reflect your future if you don't carry it to the future. It is but only usless baggage that you need to let go of and start a new.

We all feel like losers sometimes in our life. However, we don't have to act like it or accept it. You are your worst enemy.
Start out by seeking God to help build up your spiritual life.
Dwight Baine has wonderful counseling books.
Read the book "Get Out of That Pit." by Beth Moore.

Your not dead inside just sick and tired it sounds like nothing your doing is seeming to work.
This is why you need to do it God's way and not yours.

Do something this day forward to better your life and start taking those small steps towards it. You are worth it!

Answer 4

If you want to do the right thing, you are not doomed forever. Get into treatment with the most experienced therapist you can find and put your past behind you—understand how you are now recreating your crappy experience as a kid for yourself. You are now the author of your own misfortune. A problem to anticipate in this process is your use of drugs for solace. People turn to drugs when they feel they can no longer trust or depend on people—drugs always do the same thing (similar reasons for your eating disorder and wish to be in control of something). Good luck to you!!

Answer 5

It is well past time for you to quit viewing yourself as the victim and get on with life.

No wonder your husband tossed you out.

You sem to be runing away again. There comes a time when that has to stop or you will never find peace.
Perhaps you should consider going home asking for forgiveness for the craziness you bought to your family and start over. Running has not served you well in the past and it is not serving you well now.

Your last method was to run hide and strt over . The child makes it impossible for you divorce yourself from your last decision. Stay put, get clean, start over where you are.

Answer 6

Not sure what the question is, but it sounds like you are really beating yourself up over your past. You were a kid and we all have things we regret doing as a kid. It is a physiological fact that your brain is not fully developed until you are 25 which is why kids do such stupid things. Now that you know better, you can do better. I agree with the others who say that professional help might be in order for you at this point.

Answer 7

You're not equipped to fix your life with the tools that you have. One of the biggest mistakes you can make would be in thinking that you can. You need some serious help. Find a good therapist or counselor and be ready to spend a few years working on you.

Answer 8

Your probably not going to like my answer but here it goes anyway your story is not that different from anyone elses {including mine} but the trick is to be mature enough to know where the blame for things gone wrong in your life lies and not let the past ruin your future.

It may be time to be accountable for things that you have done, and let others be accountable for things they have done in the past so these things don't destroy the marriage you have right now.

Go to family therapy with your husband if you want to save your marriage, tell the therapist what your telling us.

Good luck!

Answer 9

I have no idea what question you are asking but here is a piece of free advice. Get a hobby. People who spend this much time talking about themselves need something else to do.

Answer 10

Write this down, in big letters, and make it your mantra for the next few weeks while you sit back and make a vision for how the rest of your life is going to be......


It's not what happens to you in life that makes the difference.

It whats you Do with what happens to you in life that makes the difference.