Would you say the spark / fizz have gone out of your relationship? Do you think its worth trying to stay together? My mum and dad argues regularly, but they've been together 37 years. Is it worth sticking with someone in a rotten relationship where only one is prepared to try? When do i give up?
2007-09-17 00:40:23 · 22 answers · asked by Wisdom 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
perhaps i shoulda mentioned my folks' relationship in brackets. I was referring to my own situation with my husband and I...he is a good / kind person, but he is also an awful, verbally abusive person with a chip on his shoulder as large as the world. He feels the world has it in for him, and sometimes i have to bear the brunt of his anger towards the world. I love him cause he cares for me in a way which most people wouldnt even make a quarter of effort towards...i'd feel guilty to leave but find it hard to remain sane...
2007-09-17 01:05:19 · update #1
If you are not happy you owe it to yourself and your partner to move on... You should try to do all that is reasonable to save the relationship but if your partner isn't prepared to/can't make the changes you need to make you happy, then you should find someone who can make you happy - you only get one life!
Every relationship has it's rough patches and it's not always going to be as exciting as it was when you first got together but you have to look at it objectively and think is this a problem that can be fixed or is the relationship just not right?
When you talk about the spark in a relationship, I take it you're talking about lust... that initial spark/lust is bound to go after time but it's whether this has fizzled and left nothing there or whether it has been replaced with love and affection....
I have been with my fiance for 6 and a half years... I get times where I want to strangle him, and I'm sure he gets the same way about me sometimes but deep down I always know that he loves me, and I love him. 90% of the time, I am happy with our relationship but it does take work to get through the rocky patches.
2007-09-17 00:44:32 · answer #1 · answered by Lauren 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Don't take the advice that everyone is giving you too seriously. It's easy for people to give counsel that they don't follow themselves. There are some things within your question and in the additional information you provided that causes me to be concerned.
1. You believe that you are in a rotten relationship.
2. Your husband verbally abuses you.
3. You don't believe that anyone else would care for you.
4. You've been raised by parents who have a bad relationship.
Your question was, "When do I give up?"
Only you know when that it is. From my own experience, it occurred to me in one moment. After years of misery and heartache, I reached a point where I was finally done. I had, had enough.
My heart goes out to you. I'm sorry that you have been living with such an abusive and angry man. God only knows the damage you have suffered in your husband's careless hands.
From what I can tell from your tiny little picture, you look like an attractive woman. If you're afraid that no one else could ever love you, you're sadly mistaken. I'm sure that a lot of men would be interested in you. The only trouble is that given your family history, and your current relationship, you'd most likely end up choosing another man who is abusive. I encourage you to get some counseling... you're worth it.
If you'd like to talk, or if you need some more encouragement, you can email me at : mt75689@yahoo.com
2007-09-17 01:53:03 · answer #2 · answered by mt75689 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The way I guage my relationship is simple. If unhappiness outweighs happiness, I leave. The thing you must realize is that relationships can't maintain the passion they typically have in the beginning, and many people's idea of happiness is different from our own. It's not about the spark after years of being together, it's about the flame. The once passionate couple become the best of friends. It's not about giving up; it's about evolving into something better. The butterflies and the giddiness go away after a time, but you keep the relationship alive by setting goals and reaching them together. Also, as the intensity fades, you'll find that respect and friendship grow.
2007-09-17 00:54:07 · answer #3 · answered by Allison P 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
One mistake some people make is assume that their lone efforts can't alter the course of a relationship. In reality, they can. Positive changes snowball if you stick with them for awhile. So, figure out what that "spark/fizz" is and how to move toward creating it. I've been married for 21 years, and that "spark/fizz" has come and gone numerous times over the years. Even when it's not there, though, an abiding sense of love and commitment remains. That's what's important, and it is that for which you should strive.
2007-09-17 00:50:42 · answer #4 · answered by Happy-2 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-04-22 06:05:47 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm in that type of relationship right now, we've been married for 15 years. Before I got married I would have said, get out if you're not happy. Now that I'm in the middle of it I stay in it because of our son and the finance issues. If I leave him I'll end up with very little money and very little security and he will end up in great shape financially. by the way, he's not a very nice person, he's self centered and self absorbed. He has a terrible temper and no one can live up to his expectations. Yet, in a divorce situation, he'll end up the winner. Doesn't seem fair does it.
2007-09-17 00:48:43 · answer #6 · answered by QWERTY 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Our spark's still here because we work on it and we keep it alive, our relationship is definately worth saving and we'll be together till the day we die.It's not worth staying in a relationship if only one person is willing to try to make it work, both partners have to be willing to try and make it work out....If my partner and I had a crp relationship and only I was willing to try and make it work I'd give up straight away, there's no point in trying on your own because it takes two people to have a relationship!!
Hope this helps a little!
2007-09-17 00:45:09 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
A beautiful girl like you is with an *hole. What a shame. Maybe you have seen your parents stick things out and feel obliged to. You are stunning!!!! Looks are not everything but you could sure have your pick of the guys...... leave before it is too late. Find yourself and find that great guy you deserve..... x x
2007-09-17 04:16:01 · answer #8 · answered by Sarah 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you give up after you've done all that you could to make it work. Anytime that I run out of steam on anything, I turn it over to God because only he can help me hold on or let go of something or someone. I hope that your parents work things out because 37years is a long time to be with someone to just throw it all away, and I am sorry that you are witnessing their relationship woes. Good luck.
2007-09-17 00:54:28 · answer #9 · answered by Survivor 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes this is right and even nessesary in life for maintaing the balance, spark can go but not fizz because spark is some thing to start but fizz is for fressness so if fizz is gone then you are gone but arguments and light fights are very much nessesary and is always proving to be healthy in relations
2007-09-17 00:46:51 · answer #10 · answered by Vikram 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋