A good friend of mine was expecting her first baby. Unfortunetly the baby was stillborn. I would love to hear from other people (mothers, fathers, grandmothers, aunts - anybody) who has been effected by stillbirth, and to know what things I can say and do for her. What helped? What was the wrong things people said? When were you ready to start seeing people socially and that sort of thing?
2007-09-16 20:45:41 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Newborn & Baby
I was affected 14 years ago, you never really get over it, but you do move on. Importantly listen to what your friend says, even if it not of interest to you. Acknowledge that this baby was a person in its own right.
Please don't say , "well it was natures way" that is not helpful. As your friend what you can do to assist her. Just be a shoulder to cry on, it will last awhile. Just ask your friend what she would like to do, as people tend to stay clear, as they don't know what to say or do. Best wishes, you are a good friend.
2007-09-16 21:02:00 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's really hard to go through something like that a good friend of mine went through the same thing and ended up giving birth to her little girl at 36 weeks (stillborn) It was aweful for her. The only thing you can do is just let her know that ANYTIME no matter what time of the day or night it is that you are there for her if she ever needs anyone to talk to and let her know it's not a burden on you, thats what friends are for!
There isnt much you can say in regards to the baby that wont hurt her so just be there and support her. It is also going to be hard for her to walk around the shops seeing pregnant ladies and newborn babies everything is going to remind her of what happened. As i said all you can do is let her know you are there when ever she needs you!
2007-09-17 04:13:05 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
there is no right thing to say. In my experience it's best just to be there and let your friend lead any conversations. My best friends baby was also stillborn a little over three years ago and she recently told me that one of the worst things was people telling her that it would be alright or that he was with god.
she thanked me for just hugging her when she cried, for never telling her that she needed to talk about it. I had to confess to her that i didn't know what to say so i didn't say anything. she said "it doesn't matter why, it only matters that you were there for me."
I hope the best for your friend. losing a baby is an unimaginable horror for me. be prepared though, your Friend is going to go through a staggering amount of emotions and you are not going to know how to react to half of them. my advise is that if she is laughing, laugh with her. if she is crying, hold on to her and cry too. if she wants to scream, let her scream. but no matter what, be there because the depths of depression can, and probably will reach critical lows. she will need every once of support she can find. you might try calling a grief counselor for added tips. I hope your are a strong person because you are in for an emotional roller coaster. you said you are a good friend, and I'm glad because your friendship will be tested. but a good friend is exactly what she is going to need.
2007-09-17 04:08:08 · answer #3 · answered by donay 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I can only speak as a nurse and friend who lost a baby still born. And she carried it around for a few weeks.
I believe that best thing you can do is listen. If she says something like........I spent all that time pregnant and my beautiiful baby is dead. You say something back to her that is reflected Like....It must of been so difficult.
Things said bad are...
You can always have more children
There must of been something really wrong with the baby and you don't have to take care of a sick child.
The worst thing is to ignoe it. Talk around it.
There may be times when your friend wants to cry and feel frantic. Other times your friend might want to talk about what happened.
Thus, the best thing to do is listen. And don't sweep it under that rug.
2007-09-17 03:58:22 · answer #4 · answered by clcalifornia 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask her.No two experiences are the same!
Ask her how she feels and if she'd like to talk about her baby's birth.Take her out for some coffee and remind her that all things happen for a reason.
She might not want to talk,then dont push her!
Ask your other friends to be sensitive towards her, but dont avoid her because of it.
Most of all,tell her it's okay to cry, in order for her to heal, she needs to talk, cry and listen...Ask your man to talk to the baby's father as well, remember, he's going through exactly the same thing!
2007-09-17 03:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by jancoetzee 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
whoa. That's horrible. All I can say is to be supportive and be there for them.
She will probably go through a long spot of depression so be sure to try to make her smile when you can. Also, most women are able to get pregnant again a few months afterwards if there were no complications.
Best wishes.
2007-09-17 03:55:14 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
i haven't had this experience, but i have some similar knowledge - Lots of deaths in the family.
Spend time with your friend. if she wants to talk about the birth, and her pain, let her. If she doesn't want to talk about it yet, that's OK too.
DO NOT SAY THINGS LIKE
=======================
It's all for the best
It was God's will
Their was something wrong with the baby - so this is a blessing
and NOTHING along the lines of
---------------
well, were you drinking or something ?
maybe your ( name exercise here) caused it.
and stuff like that.
Goof luck.
2007-09-17 03:52:05 · answer #7 · answered by nickipettis 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I haven't had a child die but I lost my husband through death. What I really wanted after he died was someone to talk to about him, someone who wouldn't be uncomfortable if I cried about him, someone who wasn't expecting me to "get over it" right away. Don't make her pretend like it didn't happen because you are uncomfortable with it. She wants to grieve the loss of her child and now isn't the time to try to make her make you feel good.
2007-09-17 03:58:15 · answer #8 · answered by Ellen J 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
believe it or not i have known 2 separate families that had a little girl each die on them, and later they had another little girl that had the same personality voice and looks that the one that died had they told me that it was like getting them back.
2007-09-17 03:52:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
just be there for her ...listen to her....tell her ur there for her..ask her if she needs anything....make sure she is always comfortable....stay bye her ...dont just back off the first time she actuallly smiles...IT STILL HURTS.
2007-09-17 04:53:24 · answer #10 · answered by ipod 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋