Does it ever occur to whining anti-feminists that perhaps men don't get custody half the time ... ?

Question

because THEY DON'T WANT IT?

For example, one article suggests that "The fact that in approximately 80% of all cases, mothers are awarded sole custody of the children does not indicate gender bias against men. [Conservative columnist Cathy] Young neglects to mention the fact that nearly 90% of divorcing couples do not go to court, that most couples agree on their own that the mother had been doing the bulk of the childrearing from the day the children were born, and that she should continue, and that most fathers do not want custody" (http://www.feminista.com/archives/v1n9/fword.html ). I get this feeling from much of the other reading I've been doing. Anyone who can provide statistics from various sources will be much appreciated. Sorry: "a bunch of men's rights websites" does not constitute "various."

Again, what is up with the misleading and distorted "90 percent of men are chomping at the bit to have their children" rhetoric?

I'm OK with one or two "men's rights" websites. Got any?

Answer 1

It's true that sometimes men don't want their children. That was my experience with my daughter's father, and that's fine. There was no fight.

It's true that it's expensive to fight for custody, and not everyone has the resources. I'm sure many, many men really want custody and definitely want visitation with kids that women are not allowing them to see. I honestly believe that if this is a significant issue, these men have to fight and get involved with organizations that represent their interests. I can only imagine how hard it must be to never be able to see your kids. If it was me, I wouldn't have survived. So I do have a great deal of empathy for the ones being mistreated by malicious women and/or a biased court system. It cannot be denied, however, that there are a lot of men that do not care to either support or see their children, and that the women responsible for those kids are struggling. Either way, I wish people would put the best interests of the kids in front of all the crap that happens when people's egos supercede their compassion.

Answer 2

Well put. Another point is that, during the parent's seperation, the children are usually with the mother. So when they get to court, the judge needs a reason to change the current custody situation. So it's partly due to inertia.

That being said, bias in individual judges is a very hard thing to quantify. It is sure to exist in at least some small part in every judge. If the predominantly male judicial system is biased against men, I'm not sure why feminists or women in general should take the rap though.

What can be done? Well, my father and his good friend are part of a father's right's group, and they do a lot of work bringing awareness to how important a father is to his child's life. Joint legal custody has very little to do with how often a father can see his children. It's generally the mother who determines the amount of involvement of the father. It's important to help custodial mothers see the benefit of (non-abusive) fathers being in their children's lives. There are lots of great guys out there who should be getting REAL joint custody, and probably aren't. Court cases tend to be biased on the side of "he with the best lawyer wins", however, and who do you think has the funds for that? The father or the former SAHM with four kids? So rich or middle class men "win", and poor men and most women lose out.

Answer 3

If more men got custody of their children in a divorce then the children would be better off. Many of the jail birds are from single mother homes or abusive homes. Anyway in my religion the father always gets custody of the children in the event of a divorce because it's the father who provides for the children and because many Eastern women don't work outside the home. Plus if the mother were to remarry then the stepfather might abuse his step kids or rape the girls. If feminists would quit hating men then the world would be a better place. If women think that men don't have any right to be on Earth except to breed then that is the same as women are only good for sex and making babies idea back in the 1800s. Men and women are important to human survival. Men are very important in a child's life and no child should have to grow up without a father. If feminists take away man's rights then we should take away women's rights to be fair.

Answer 4

Actually, that is far from true and no ramblings by a sociopathic feminazi make it true.

According to research such as those by Sanford Braver, Phd., and Brinig & Allen and others shows that women institute divorce far more often. A large part of the reason is that of being almost guaranteed custody and subsequent 'child support'.

Brinig & Allen boiled it down to "who get the children is by far the most important component in deciding who files for divorce".

The fact that only about 7% of all men are able to obtain custody (often at the insistence of the mother) points out a problem, and the problem is sexist "family law" courtrooms.
Speaking from experience, fathers are deemed "less worthy" solely because of their sex. So much for "equality", huh?

The facts are out there but you won't like the results. Or you can continue to use the rantings of a man-hater as "proof".

Answer 5

What a strange question. If a guy wants custody of his own kids, I'm willing to bet that makes him a good daddy -- not a "whining anti-feminist." OK, he might just want revenge on his ex-wife, but how many women want full custody of their children because 1) they want revenge on their husbands and 2) it's just easier not to have to deal?

This should not be a feminist/masculinist issue! It's about the welfare of the children, and I do believe that some fathers are better than some mothers at being the full-time parent. Of course, I also believe that some fathers shouldn't be allowed within 10 feet of their own children -- but doesn't that go for some mothers, too?

Maybe parents seeking custody should undergo independent psychiatric evaluation, and let that evidence have a major influence on the custody judge's opinion.

Men *are* taking more responsibility in child-rearing these days -- my husband is an excellent example. He's a fantastic father, and if we ever divorced (knock wood it should never happen), I suspect he'd have the stronger case because not only is he a good father, his family would also pitch in to help raise the girls. I think we'll see more judgements in favor of Dads to reflect the changing of society.

It really should be about what's best for the kids -- and I don't think mother's love is a 100 percent shoo-in.

Answer 6

I'm going to have to agree with you the statistics by Cathy are ridiculous and I also strongly agree most men don't want it. I also agree the very few who do are discriminated in court. The mother is not always the better parent and the courts need to stop being so narrow minded. Not every women is born with nurturing qualities.

Answer 7

Of the nine years I spent working in a substance abuse facility for women with children, the ONLY time a woman got child support was because the DA dragged the father's sorry @ss to court.

Answer 8

Its almost impossible to know, because we can't do controlled studies.

Most men I know who want to raise their kids put up with whatever insane behaviour their wives end up dishing because they anticipate that they would lose custody. So men who are less interested in maintaining custody are probably more likely to seek divorce in a similar situation.

Personally, what i think is most telling is to compare countries with different systems. In countries where children tend to stay with the father, men file for divorce more often then women. In countries where children tend to be awarded to the mother, women file for divorce more often. This is more illuminating then looking at attitudes of people who have allready filed for divorce, knowing a likely outcome.

I'd assume from this that a majority of parents of either gender would perfer to have full custody of their children.

Answer 9

I just have to respond to one thing lycraspandex said. It's true that women are not as aggressive as men in asking for pay raises, or a higher starting salary. But research has shown that this may be due to the social repercussions of doing so. Please read this article from the Washington Post for more info.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2007/07/29/AR2007072900827.html

Before you go blaming women for everything, you should consider that just as women are looked at differently than men when they sleep around (men are "players" or cool, and women are considered whores), women are looked at differently than men when they are aggressive in the workplace.

I do think that the courts are biased in that they are more likely to give custody of the kids to the mother. I also agree that it IS probably a rare occasion when the man actually WANTS full custody - of course that doesn't make discriminating against those that do right. What can we do about it??? I don't know. I'd like to see more men play a bigger role in child rearing, and more courts grant them custody because of it.

Answer 10

Hah I knew this question would get pwned. You can't say that "most of the time it doesn't even get taken to court therefore the man doesn't want custody" if:

1) Taking it to court is costly
2) Men have around a 5 -10% chance of actually winning if it does

Here are statistics from an impartial site:

http://www.divorcepeers.com/stats18.htm

Mothers want sole maternal custody: 82% of the time.
Fathers want sole maternal custody: 29% of the time.
Mothers want sole paternal custody: 3% of the time.
Fathers want sole paternal custody: 33% of the time.
Mothers want shared custody: 15% of the time.
Fathers want shared custody: 35% of the time.

So there it is. In only 29% of the cases the mother getting full custody is what the father wants. Fathers want full custody more often and they also want shared custody more often.

But women don't let them have it. The only people that want sole custody going to the mother, thus not being able to complain about getting it, at anything even approaching those numbers is women.

There's your court bias.